The Long Road Home
by Terry

Chapter 17

Johnny was watching Alexis very carefully to see how she would take the news of her pregnancy. The moment he saw her eyes glaze he let go of her and caught her head between his hands.

"Alexis. Alexis, look at me. You promised me you wouldn't go anywhere. Look at me, Alexis."

Waiting just a moment and not seeing a response, Johnny gently moved Joy out of the way and sat down beside Alexis. He took her into his arms and started rocking her.

"Alexis, it's me Johnny. It's ok. We'll get through this together. You are not alone. I'm here. Come on, Alexis. Let me know you trust me. I need to know you trust me to help you through this. Please, don't leave me partner. You told me you'd let me know when you were in trouble. You can't just leave me without a sign. Alexis, please."

Johnny felt her arms come up slowly and wrap around his waist. She shuddered once and began to cry.

"Johnny, don't let go. I feel like I'm coming apart inside. Don't let me go. I don't want to go back there. Hold me, Johnny."

Johnny looked up at Joy with tears streaming down his face and motioned her to sit down behind Alexis.

Understanding immediately what he wanted her to do; Joy took her place behind Alexis and held her from behind.

"Alexis, don't hide from what you're feeling. You need to feel it. You have to voice the emotion so that it doesn't become so big that it takes control of you instead of you controlling it. Tell Johnny what's going on. Tell him what you are feeling. You know you can trust him."

Alexis knew that Joy was only trying to help but she her closeness began to feel confining; Alexis pulled back just enough to put a little space between her and Johnny without letting his arms fall completely away from her. In a small hesitant voice she spoke to Joy.

"Joy, I need some room. Thank you for your help, but I need a little space."

The immediate sense of relief that came when Joy backed away was replaced with panic as she felt Johnny's arms fall away from her.

"No, Johnny, don't let go. Don't let me go, not yet. It feels like there is a black hole waiting for me and if you let go I'm afraid I'll slip into it."

"I'm right here, partner. And you're not going anywhere. Talk to me. Whatever you want to talk about. Just talk until you're steadier."

"Do you think that will really help? I mean, I'm sitting here faced with the fact that I'm pregnant and I don't know who the father is. And if the baby is already big enough for me to feel it moving then that means I've lost track of months instead of days. How do I deal with that?"

"Slowly Alexis. We take it very slowly. It's going to be ok. You know how I know that?"

Johnny wanted an answer. He needed to keep her active in the conversation and he needed her to use her ability to reason. He knew she was waiting for him to continue so he asked the question again.

"Alexis, do you know how I know that it's all going to be ok?"

Her answer came hesitantly.

"How?"

"Because I know you. I know you are a fighter. You don't take anything from anyone. You are the strongest woman I know. You remind me a lot of my grandmother. You always have. You're feisty, intelligent, compassionate and determined. You don't give up. You have a child who is depending on you for its life. Let's say we make a deal right here and right now. I won't let you down and you won't let this child you’re carrying down. Deal?"

Johnny moved away and let his arms fall to his side, then in an exaggerated move he raised one hand and offered it to her hoping she would take him up on his deal.

Alexis looked into the face that was offering her so much more than just a deal. Johnny was telling her that he would be there to catch her if she started to fall, to protect her from the past that she couldn't remember and help her deal with the knowledge that she was now a mother. Smiling up at his expectant face she raised her hand and slid it into his without hesitation.

"Deal."

"Thanks, partner."

"Don't mention it."

Pulling her into his arms, Johnny needed to hug her once more. To cement his promise to her and to rest in the fact that she was alive and fighting her way back. He smiled triumphantly when he felt her arms go around him without fear, without hesitation and he laughed lightly when she tightened her hold on him. Leaving one arm around Alexis he reached behind her and caught hold of Joy's hand and held it.

Letting go of Johnny and leaning back on the couch, Alexis eyed her companions. There was only one more question she wanted answered tonight and she knew they were not going to want to answer it. But, they were going to whether they liked it or not.

"Johnny, one more question and we shelve the whole thing for the night. I'm tired, but I need one more answer from you. And please don't give me any trouble about it. What is today's date, Johnny?"

Johnny didn't know what to do. He looked back at Joy for help.

Joy had seen enough in the last hour to know it would be useless to try and stall Alexis. The woman was very strong-willed and determined. Laying her hand on Johnny's shoulder she looked pointedly at Alexis.

"I am going to allow Johnny to answer you Alexis, but you are going to be shocked by the answer you get. Just remember, you made a deal with Johnny and since he has invested a lot of time in you... well, you need to know he made a promise to himself that he would not leave Ferncliff unless he left with you well."

Wide-eyed, Alexis let her eyes return to Johnny and saw the evidence of the tears he had shed on her behalf.

"Is that true, Johnny?"

She watched him duck his head and blush profusely before she heard his faint answer.

"Yeah."

"Well, I guess that's that. We best get busy then. First order of business in getting Alexis back to playing with a full deck of cards is, knowing what day it is. Ok partner, let's have it and no fudging."

Johnny looked closely at her and nodded resolutely at the determination he saw in her eyes.

"September, 2002."

The look on her face broke his heart. He watched helplessly as she clutched the lapels on his shirt and lean forward to lay her head down just above his heart. He felt her tears soak his shirt and again felt his own. Silently thanking Joy, he felt her lay her head on the back of his shoulder and rub his back trying to comfort him knowing what this was doing to him. He barely heard Alexis speak, and leaned his head down toward her.

"What was that partner, I didn't hear you. Tell me again."

"A year. I've lost more than a year."

Raising her head, but not letting go of him she closed her eyes.

"What could have happened to me that would cause me to want to forget a whole year of my life? Johnny, what did I do?"

He pulled her back into his embrace and rocked her gently.

"You didn't do anything, Alexis. You just needed a rest. You said one more question; I gave you your answer. It is enough for one night. Please, no more. You need time to adjust to what you've learned tonight. You need to take a break."

"I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can stop the wheels turning in my head. I think my curiosity got the best of me this time, Johnny."

Johnny was desperately worried about his friend and he could tell by the look on Joy’s face that she was as well.

"Will you please let me call Dr. Collins, Alexis. I can't tell you how scared I am right now. I don't want to wait until in the morning. Let me make this one decision on your behalf. For you, for your health and for the little peanut; please let me."

Alexis looked up into the most compassionate and beautiful eyes she had ever seen. She didn't mind admitting to this wonderful man that she was just as scared as he was and probably much more so. It was frightening her that it was night and the time for sleep was fast approaching. Her child needed her sane. Witnessing the play of emotion on Johnny's face she reverted back to what she knew best. Make the other person feel better at any cost.

"The little peanut. Johnny, you're calling my child a peanut?"

"Uh, yeah. And don't change the subject on me, partner."

Laughing gently at him, she tapped his nose a couple of times before answering him

"I'm not, go ahead and call him. I think maybe it might not be such a bad idea after all. And just for the record, we're not finished with this 'peanut' business yet."

Joy had sat silently worrying about how to handle the situation. She knew Johnny wanted to let Alexis handle her recovery as much as possible, but medically Joy knew they were walking in very dangerous territory. Relieved that Alexis was allowing the doctor to be called in, she stood and lay a hand on Johnny's shoulder.

"I'll make the call, Johnny. And Alexis thank you. Being the nurse in the bunch, you don't know how much I needed you to make that decision."