The Long Road Home
by Terry

Chapter 8

During his drive home from the sanitarium Sonny thought long and hard about what Kevin asked him to do. While Kevin had been talking to him he flashed back to a conversation that he and Alexis had gotten into when he offered to protect her from what he now knew at that time was the threat of Stavros Cassadine.

'You can't stop me from putting guards on you I wouldn't even have to tell you. I can just go along and pretend that I'm doing what you asked.'

'So, you'd be lying to me.'

'I'm a helluva liar; I spent a lot of time learning how until my lies cost me somebody who mattered to me. So now I just mostly tell the truth or keep my mouth shut. Which would you prefer?'

'The truth, always the truth even if I can't give it back to you.'

Imagining her sitting beside him, Sonny began talking to her. 'So Alexis, you want the truth? What if I can't give you the truth? What if the truth is so powerful that it could strip my identity from me? You once tried to get me to understand how a person could lose their identity when you were having trouble committing to marrying Ned. I didn't quite get what you were so afraid of. I understand now, Alexis. I've spent a lifetime building the man, Sonny Corinthos. He's strong, powerful, and successful. He also has fought for and earned his own territory... and he is respected. If I give in to what you need from me then I lose him. I lose him because I will not put you in any more danger. I will not cost you anyone else you love. I will not ask you to be less than you are because of who I am. I can't do it. Does that make me an egotist... selfish because it's all about what I want?’

Thinking it over, Sonny finally shrugged his shoulders against the only answer he could come up with. ‘Perhaps it does.'

Arriving back at the penthouse, Sonny picked up the phone to make a call.

"Jason, I need to see you. Can you get over here, buddy?"

Walking to the bar Sonny poured himself and scotch and then sat down on the sofa. Hearing the door open he looked up just as Jason entered. By the look on Jason's face, he knew he had already heard an ear full from Carly.

"Let me guess. She came crying to you about her latest attempt to protect me, right?"

"In a word. Care to tell me your side of it?"

"First, did you know that Alexis' child was mine?"

"I suspected."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"If you'll remember, we did discuss the possibility just before you confronted Alexis about it. Did you think she was lying?"

"I considered it briefly. Alexis pregnant with my child brought up more problems than I was willing to deal with at the time. So I chose to let it go and believe her. Truth was, I was so afraid of her answer I yelled at her and she shut down. I imagine if I had handled it differently she would have told me the truth that night."

"Carly says you threw her out because she knew the baby was yours. Is that true?"

"Mostly. Fact of the matter is, she's known for weeks. How many times have I told her not to lie to me, Jason? She knows what family means to me, yet she chose once again to keep something from me. Not just something... she was keeping my child from me. I'm through, Jason. I want no more to do with her. Whatever feeling I had for her is gone. I don't owe her anything and I don't want anything from her. And I don't want any trouble from you about it."

"You'll get no trouble from me. What are you going to do about, Michael?"

"I honestly don't know yet. I am his father. I will always be his father. I want him in my life. But, I won't let Carly use him against me. I will not let Michael be harmed by what's between Carly and me now."

"Sounds like a problem for a certain lady lawyer we know."

Jason watched a progression of emotions cross Sonny's face and he stepped closer to his friend and sat down across from him.

"What's the problem, Sonny?"

"Alexis is... unavailable."

"She leave the country or something?"

"No, it took a while, but I finally managed to destroy the one perfect thing in my life."

"Sonny, you're not making sense."

"I know, Jason." Sonny leaned back and quietly informed Jason of the latest news regarding Alexis. "About a month ago, Alexis was admitted to Ferncliff sanitarium. After the funeral she... Ned found her the next morning. I believe the doctors call it a catatonic state."

"I'm sorry, Sonny."

"Don't be. I did this. I made choices and they were the wrong ones. What do I do about it now, though?"

"What do you want to do about it?"

Sonny glanced at Jason and then lowered his eyes, studying the tumbler he still held in his hand. He called Jason over for a specific reason, but he was having a little trouble getting around to it. Jason, as far as he knew, had always been straight with him. If he were asked a question, Jason always gave the truth as he saw it and he was more insightful that most people gave him credit for.

"Alexis' doctor asked me a question today that I’m having some problems dealing with. I'd like your take on it."

"If I can, I will."

"Do you think Alexis was in love with me?"

Jason had waited a long time for that question. He knew it would eventually be asked. The connection between Sonny and Alexis was just too deep for it to stay buried under all the talk of friendship and who mattered to who and how much. Jason saw the connection right off when he had come back to town and he also saw the two of them fighting non-stop against it. Without looking up at Sonny he answered the only way he knew how. The truth.

"Yes. Alexis loves you."

Sonny closed his eyes against the truth of Jason's answer. He got up from the sofa abruptly and walked toward the balcony doors. There was so much fear and concern for Alexis running through him at that moment that finding one coherent thought in the chaos of his mind was proving to be an impossible task.

"How do you know, Jason?"

"The same way I know that you love her just as much as she loves you."

"No, Jason."

"Yes, Sonny. Don't you think it's time you started being honest with yourself. Everything that has gone on with you lately is a result of you running from the truth. You have run so far and so fast that you can't even recognize yourself anymore. You've changed, man and it's not a pretty sight."

"NO. Don't you understand what my loving her will do to her, Jason? I can't do that to Alexis. Not to her. I... I... can't do it."

"Do what, Sonny. What do you think you will do to her by admitting you love her?"

"Jason, I can't protect her from my life. I was crazy to think I could protect anyone from the life I lead. The only way to have her is to leave it all and if I do that, then who will I be. I won't be the man she loves anymore."

Well there it was; the truth finally, from Sonny Corinthos. Jason smiled to himself and walked over to stand beside Sonny.

"You know with a little more practice, this truth stuff could become second nature for you."

Sonny smiled weakly at Jason and clapped him on the shoulder before returning to sit back down on the sofa.

"I've been given sort of an ultimatum by Alexis' doctor."

"What sort of ultimatum?"

"I have to admit to loving Alexis before he will let me see her. He says he won't let someone so self-involved anywhere near her that can't acknowledge how important she is to them."

"Sounds like a smart guy to me."

"Look Jason, you know how important she is to me. Why are you taking sides against me?"

"I'm not the one who needs to know how important she is to you. I already know. Do you know how important she is to you, Sonny?"

"YES."

"Do you?"

"I've already answered you, Jason. What are you putting me through here?"

"Tell you what, you need a bit of down time. I'm going back across the hall. If you really want answers try going back and remembering the man you were with her and stack him against the man you've become since you allowed Carly back into your life. Call me if you need anything."

Jason walked to the door and opened it, turning back at Sonny's call...

"Thanks, buddy."

"Anytime."