The Long Road Home
by Terry

Chapter 7

Arriving back at the penthouse Sonny and Max were in the elevator waiting for it to stop on the seventeenth floor. Just as the doors opened Sonny heard someone pounding on his door. There was no doubt who it was and he quickly motioned to Max.

"Not tonight, Max. Get her out of here."

Exiting the elevator Sonny turned toward his door and was immediately accosted by Carly. Sidestepping her he let Max grab hold of her and pull her away from him. Continuing toward his door he ignored her and stepped inside his home bolting the door against her. He waited just long enough to hear Max shove her into the elevator and then waited a moment more... listening... blessed silence finally met his ears.

Walking toward the balcony doors a lost memory surfaced. Alexis had stood with him right here not so very long ago and told him...

'Staring out windows doesn't help, I know I do it myself.'

Tomorrow was going to be difficult. Kevin was looking for details on how Alexis handled loss. He could answer all of his questions readily and willingly until it came to the last two losses Alexis was forced to face. He couldn't think about that now, he couldn't open himself up to that after the day he had endured. It was easier to remember the details of their friendship and how it had grown over the past couple of years.

Walking upstairs and entering his bedroom he was relieved to find that there was not one sign that Carly had ever been there. Lying down, Sonny thought of the first time he met Alexis. He had approached her to ask for her help in getting Jason custody of Michael. She fought him at every turn as he tried to get her to agree to represent him. In the end she agreed to represent him on a case-by-case basis. They began a hesitant and careful professional alliance and it had grown from there.

He remembered sitting across from her one afternoon wanting to know more about her. She had walked confidently into his home wearing a red sweater underneath a white coat and her hair was slightly tousled from the wind. She was beautiful, radiant and fascinating. Wanting to draw her out, to find out more about her personally he asked her a few questions and marveled at how she deftly dodged him at every turn. He commented on her interesting mind and its inaccessibility. He smiled again at her response.

"Are you flirting with me?"

He had been flirting with her. He couldn't resist. She intrigued him and he was using any means necessary to get to know her.

Closing his eyes he let memory after memory wash over him until he was lulled to sleep by her beautiful smile.

________________________

Checking in at the receptionist's desk the next morning Sonny was led to the same bench he occupied the previous afternoon. Only a few moments passed before Kevin joined him.

"Hello, Sonny. I thought it would be better for you if we just met out here rather than in my office. Johnny should be bringing Alexis out momentarily. But, I must advise you that the same rules apply. You cannot approach her or make contact in any way."

"Thanks, doc. Same rules apply. Let's get the ball rolling. I don't mind telling you that I do not want to have this conversation with you. From what you told me yesterday about what we would be discussing today...well, you need to know that when things get too much to handle I usually shut down. For her sake, I know I can't do that, so push as hard as you like and if you have any dirty tricks at your disposal you might want to get them out and dust them off. I'm in this for the long haul."

Studying Sonny, Kevin noticed a slight change in him from the time he spent with him yesterday.

"I take it you've done some thinking about all of this and from what I can see you've settled some of your apprehensions and possibly made some decisions."

"Yeah, I spent a big part of last night remembering how Alexis and I became friends. It was pretty educational for me. Even though there was give and take on both sides, it became very clear to me that Alexis gave a whole lot more to the relationship than I did. She gave up the most, made more sacrifices and suffered more because of it."

"What do you mean suffered because of it?"

"No one wanted her to be friends with me. Jax and Ned were constantly fighting with her to give me up. Everyone she came in contact with who knew she and I were friends gave her grief about it. But, she wouldn't back down. She fought every day for me in one way or another. Even after Carly came back, Alexis did not give up until she was forced to."

"Who forced her to give up then and why?"

"She did it herself. For two reasons I think. Shortly after Carly returned Alexis asked me if I was still in love with her. This was a few weeks after she and I were ‘together’. I told her that I never stopped loving Carly. There was different about Alexis that day. She was more hesitant, more distant with me than I had seen her in a long time. She seemed, I don't know, resigned somehow. Then she told me to go back to my wife. So I did. And secondly, I think it was sometime around then that she found out she was pregnant. I don't have any details since she decided that it was best that I not know she was carrying my child. I think that the child more than anything is why she finally gave up on me. In her mind I became someone she didn't want her child around."

"Do you think Alexis was in love with you?"

"I don't know. Possibly. Her sister told me she was, but immediately tried to take it back."

"Your answer is a little too quick and too vague. I need you to consider the question a little more carefully before you answer it."

Johnny chose that particular moment to appear with Alexis. Sonny stood abruptly and took a step forward and quickly stopped when he felt Kevin's hand on his arm.

"Sonny, remember the rules."

"Sorry, doc. It was just a gut reaction."

Sonny sat back down and watched hungrily as Johnny drew closer with Alexis. She was dressed in a pale yellow sweater and blue jeans. It was the same thing she had worn the day she had told him she could accept that he was a man who couldn't change. She had lost much of her tan from lack of sun and her beautiful eyes remained lifeless. Sonny felt his heart tear.

Kevin watched the play of emotions cross Sonny 's face and with years of practice read them accurately. Sonny was in fact in love with Alexis and it was tearing him apart that he couldn't go to her... couldn't help her. Laying his hand on Sonny's shoulder he pushed just a bit to pull Sonny's attention back to him. Not getting a response he gently tapped him on the shoulder.

"Sonny. She is physically fine and the child has a strong heart beat. There is no reason to think that anything is wrong with either of them physically at this time. But, what I get from you will help me immensely when she does become lucid. Do you remember my question? Do you think Alexis was in love with you?"

Sonny stood back up and began pacing back and forth in front of Kevin. He hadn't expected a question that personal and did not want to consider it. Looking back at Kevin, he knew the question would not be dropped. That one question possessed enough power to give Kevin what he needed, but it also had the power to destroy him.

"Kevin, I have thought about it on more than one occasion, but refused to pursue it. If I gave any great thought to it then I would have to admit that I ultimately chose myself over Alexis; what I wanted over what she wanted. Did she love me? Truth be told, she probably did. No woman can give herself so completely and in so many ways and not love. That being said, the woman sitting over there is probably hiding from more than just me."

"What do you mean?"

Standing still, Sonny looked at Alexis and with clarity of mind saw exactly what she did to bring about her admission into this place.

"Surviving marks you, maybe only another survivor can see it."

"I think she did this in order to survive what was going on in her life. In her head she walked away in order to survive. Where she is now is safe to her, because she is in control again."

"Control, huh? I find it fascinating that a woman would go to such lengths to regain control of her life. Sonny, what is it that she is having to survive?"

Sonny drew a deep breath the leaned against the massive oak he was standing beside.

"Let me give you a little background history on Alexis so you will have the complete picture. When Alexis was seven she witnessed her step-mother, Helena Cassadine murder her mother in the most horrible way possible. Helena slit her mother's throat. There is a part of Alexis that holds herself responsible for not being able to save her mother. On the same day her mother was murdered, she lost her little sister, Kristina. Her mother told her to take the baby to the stables to hide her and stay with her so that Helena would not know of the baby’s existence. Alexis did take the baby to the stables, but she did not stay with her as her mother asked. Instead she returned to the house and witnessed the murder. When she went back to the stable her sister was gone and Alexis falsely assumed that Helena found the child and killed her. Alexis bears the guilt of that as well. She cannot let go of it. She is unable to. Her friend Chloe Morgan was rundown in the street by Helena who actually thought she was getting rid of Alexis. Chloe lost her sight temporarily because of the incident. Again, Alexis holds herself responsible. Her sister Kristina was returned to her about a year ago by Jasper Jax on the same day her friend Chloe was murdered by her half brother, Stavros Cassadine. In one day her world is ripped apart and then miraculously partially put back together again. But again, Alexis holds herself responsible for her friend’s death.

Stopping momentarily to prepare himself to finish, Sonny rubbed his hands across his face and shook himself slightly. Hearing Kevin begin to speak, Sonny lifted his hand to stop him.

"Let me finish this, Kevin. A month ago Alexis lost someone that meant the world to her. Her sister, Kristina. Someone who was coming after me murdered Kristina in my warehouse. Alexis was left with no one to turn to. No one who loved her enough to sit with her and force her talk it out. I was out of the picture and her sister was gone. Jax and Ned disappeared after the funeral. There was no one who cared enough about her to see that she was ok once she returned home from the funeral. You want to know why she is sitting there like that? It's because I let her down... because I walked away from my friend and left her to fend for herself. I knew she was in trouble at the funeral. I knew it. I knew she had been in trouble for a while. But, I couldn't get past my own garbage to reach out to her. She wanted nothing to do with me. She blamed me for Kristina's death. I am responsible for this."

Kevin sat quietly while Sonny laid bare the past that haunted Alexis. He marveled that it had taken this long for Alexis to succumb to the guilt she carried. He knew she was a strong person, but he never could have imagined the real strength she carried within her. It was no wonder she lived such a controlled existence. Glancing up at the man who stood leaning against the giant oak he noticed the tears on Sonny's face. Sonny's gaze was fixed unwaveringly on Alexis and the hunger and pain that marred his face was heartbreaking.

"Sonny. Sit down. It's almost time for her to return inside and I need just a little more from you."

"Kevin, I don't have anymore to give. You have it all."

"No. There is going to come a time when I will ask you to come here to meet with Alexis. I need you prepared to do that. I need you to begin getting comfortable with the words that you've become very adept at hiding from. Once every day until I call you to come see her, I want you to tell yourself that you love her. Say it before breakfast, sometime at work, before you sleep at night... I don't care when. Look yourself in the mirror if you think it will help. But once a day at least, say to yourself, 'I Love Alexis.'"

"I can't do that, Kevin. I can't open up the possibility of her being in my life. I will not put her in danger."

"Then you have some decisions to make. If you are going to be of any help to me at all, I will need complete and total honesty from you. If you hide how you feel about her, it is the same as a lie. Her absolute care is too important to me to bring someone into the picture who is too self involved to acknowledge her importance to him. You call me when you've made your decision. Just don't wait too long."

With that Kevin got up and walked away. He knew he was pushing Sonny. And he knew that he was forcing Sonny to make some pretty tough decisions. But, in the time he had spent with the man, both yesterday and today, he recognized that Sonny and Alexis belonged together. They loved each other… without reservation... somehow they became an extension of one another. And without benefit of input from Alexis, Kevin knew without a doubt that her love of Sonny had definitely been a major factor in her fall into catatonia. It was his job to bring her back whole. Without her love of Sonny, it would be impossible for Alexis to live a completely content life. Glancing back once just before entering the building he saw Sonny slowly rise and walk away as if he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.

chapter 08