Letters
by Cowgirl

Alexis turned away from the window where she had stood for nearly an hour, just staring out at the snow gently falling to the ground. She rolled her stiff neck from side to side, working out the kinks and cast her eyes around her apartment, where they landed on her desk. She slowly made her way to it and sat down, taking a pen in her hand. Opening her drawer, she removed a tablet of paper and placed it in front of her. She tapped the pen to her forehead a few times then began to write.

Sonny,

I don't know exactly where to begin. From the moment you asked me to choose you, both of our lives seemed to turn upside down and inside out. I have tried ever since you walked out of my apartment and back to Carly to distance myself from you. As events in our lives unfolded, my finding out I was pregnant, Kristina's death, the funeral, the paternity test; I've tried to convince myself that I hated you. I honestly don't think I ever hated you
for one single moment. Believe me I tried, I really did. There is a spot in my heart that is dedicated to you and you alone. You claimed that spot without my even being aware of it. I don't know when, I don't know how or where, but somehow, a very long time ago, you did. I have a confession to make, actually two confessions, but I will tell you this first. The night that we spent together, I loved you. I never loved any man the way that I loved you that night. I found this man who understood me, who knew when to press me on something or when to leave me alone and just be my friend. I never planned on being your friend let alone falling in love with you, but it happened. I know that Kristina once told you that I was in love with you, and from that point forward I understood, or thought I understood the reasons that you turned up our flirting a notch. I believe it was because you didn't fully believe Kristina and wanted to find out for yourself. Now you know, it was true. I just wish now that I had been brave enough to tell you then, but I also knew where your heart was, and that was not with me. I'm going away for a while as my life here in Port Charles has become too much to bear right now. There are too many ghosts, too many memories, too much heartache and as much as I hate to admit it, too much danger. The worst part about all of this, is that the danger that threatens me now comes from a source that I never expected. I always thought that if I stayed connected to you, my life would be fraught with unpleasantries and malice, but surprisingly that isn't the source.I don't really know why I decided to sit down and write you a letter of all things, I guess once again I'm too afraid to say them to you face to face, that and the fact that the last several times we have spoken face to face…well, they just haven't turned out for the best now have they? There is something you should know. Please be careful, Ned has been acting very strangely lately and has plans to bring you down as he called it. His whole personality has changed, he's taken up with some woman, whom I believe is helping him in his endeavor. I've become afraid of him Sonny, and whereas I don't want him harmed, I thought you should at least prepare yourself for whatever he has planned. From the moment I found out I was carrying her, Kristina has become the most
important thing in my life. I must protect her, and now that she is healthy enough and strong enough, I must take her away for a while, at least until things in Port Charles calm down. Take care of yourself Sonny, and protect your family as I have chosen to protect mine.

Alexis

Sonny sighed and ran his hand across his chin, emotions swirling around inside him like an out of control storm. When he had gotten to his office at the warehouse, he had come across the letter sitting on his desk. There was no stamp, no address, nothing…just his name, Sonny, and the word confidential written across the envelope. He had questioned several of his employees about how the envelope had gotten into his office, but no one seemed to know. He had only to pull the letter from its envelope and take one glance at the handwriting to know who had left it there. Now, after reading the letter, putting it down on the desk and staring at it for the last hour, he picked it up and read it again. Squeezing his eyes shut in a vein attempt to block out the dull ache that had settled within him, Sonny leaned back in his chair and clutched the letter to his chest like a child would a security blanket. "Oh God Alexis." He whispered to himself as a tear made its way slowly down his cheek.

Sonny waited as the elevator doors opened. He stepped out into the hallway and started for his penthouse when he suddenly stopped and found himself pathetically gazing at penthouse 2 across the hall. Jason lived there now, but to Sonny, it would always belong to Alexis. He tore his gaze away from ph2 and walked to his own door, pausing and letting go of a sigh before he entered. To his relief, Carly was not at home. He shed his coat and poured himself a scotch, taking it over to the window. His mind had not stopped racing since he had read Alexis' letter. She had loved him; she had loved him, those four words kept echoing in his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut as tears threatened them again. Why hadn't she told him? After standing at the window for what seemed an eternity, the untouched scotch still clutched in his right hand, he slowly turned and went to his desk. Sitting down he pulled open the drawer and rummaged around in it until he found a pen and a legal pad, one of Alexis' that she had left behind once, and let out a breath.

Alexis,

I guess I'm still reeling from your letter. There's so much that is going on in my head right now that I almost can't think straight. I've never been good at this sort of thing, writing letters. In a way writing a letter like this, to someone you're so confused about, it's like writing down all my very personal thoughts, and no one knows better than you how hard that is for me. What happened to us Alexis? I realize why you had to go away from me. I'm dangerous and you still blame me for a lot of the bad things that have happened to you, and in a way, I am responsible for a lot of it. My one regret right now is that the two of us can't seem to be in the same room together without being at each other's throats, and knowing the both of us, that's gotta mean something.
Your confession, what you wrote about the night we were together…

Sonny let the pen fall from his hand as emotion overtook him at the thought of that night and the thought of all that had been good between them over the past two years. He fell heavily back in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose, his head tilted up toward the ceiling. He took a few deep breaths and sat up straight, picking the pen back off of the desk and continued.

The night we were together, I always thought that you understood what that night meant to me. That it did mean something to me. I always told you that you mattered to me Alexis, maybe I wasn't very good at showing it, but that night, more than any time in our friendship, I wanted to show you exactly what you meant to me. There was one problem with that though. I didn't even know myself what you truly meant to me. I thought I did. You were Alexis Davis, my attorney, the person I told everything to without fear of you ever repeating it, you were the woman who lived across the hall, and you were my best friend. If I'd only realized the rest of the truth sooner, things might have been different. Maybe they would have, I don't know. I stood in your apartment that day when we decided what the fate of our relationship was and …well…I wish you had told me that day Alexis, because I
would have told you that I loved you too…and I did. I'm sorry I didn't say it first. As for Ned and his plans, I'm aware of them and you shouldn't worry for me. I'll handle it, and no, I won't hurt the jerk. Ruin him, yes, hurt him, no. I wish you would reconsider running Alexis. I wish you would let me help you, but if you must go, you must. I understand the need to protect your daughter…I understand. Don't lose touch with me, I need to know that you
and Kristina are all right.

Sonny

P.S. You said that you had two confessions.

Alexis felt the tears stinging her cheeks as she sat with her forearms perched on the side of Kristina's crib. She blinked herself out of her trance and looked down at her sleeping daughter. She hadn't even realized that Sonny's letter had slipped out of her hand and fallen into the crib, coming to rest across Kristina's tiny form. Alexis wiped her tears with the back of her hand and plucked the letter from the crib. Reaching down and caressing her daughter on the cheek once more, she turned and headed to her room to pack.

It had been almost a month and a half since Sonny had replied to Alexis' letter, and he had heard nothing back from her. Her sending him that letter was like an ultimate punishment for him. When she had extricated herself from his life, it had been easier for him to convince himself that she hated him. It had been easier to force himself to think of the bad things that they had said and done to each other after he had gone back to Carly. If he thought of only the bad, then he could build up a resistance to the many good things about Alexis that had touched him, things that hurt too much to think about now, because they only conjured up feelings of lost chances and wasted oppportunities. But since he had read her letter, he had been able to think of nothing else. He couldn't concentrate on business, on his family, on anything but Alexis. He sat now at his desk in his warehouse rereading that letter in his mind for what he guessed to be the hundredth time, those same words jumping out at him each time. He didn't even need to physically hold or look at the letter anymore, he'd practically memorized each word of it. I never loved
any man the way I loved you that night. Each time he read them, the words seemed to stab him in the gut. He rested his elbows on his desk and lowered his face into his hands, he was almost unaware of Johnny entering the room.

"Uh Boss, this just came for you."

Sonny's head shot up and his heart leapt into his throat as he spied the plain white envelope that Johnny held in his hand, with the single word Sonny scrawled across it.

"Who brought this?" Sonny demanded.

Johnny shrugged. "Came by courier."

Sonny moved to his bodyguard and snatched the letter from him. "See if you can trace where it came from." Johnny nodded and ducked out of the room. Sonny practically ran to his desk and sat down, turning the letter over in his hands a couple of times before taking his letter opener out and slicing it open.

Sonny,

I know it's been a while since you wrote me, but Kristina and I had a lot of settling to do before we could contact you. We are fine and very well hidden. We've covered our tracks like pros and not even all the Quartermaine money in the world can find us. In case you're wondering, yes, that's a veiled message to you as well. I need to do this Sonny, I need to put my daughter first and make sure she's safe. I have no doubt that Ned has the full cavalry out searching the globe for us, but he won't find us. Having Helena for a stepmother made me very savvy in the ways of keeping a separate identity for emergencies. You'd be very proud of all the forged documents that I've accumulated over the years. At any rate, we're safe and I think I'm going to get some much-needed peace of mind here. I do need to ask for your assistance at keeping me apprised of Ned's progress in finding me. I doubt he will be able to, but in the off chance he gets too close, I need to know. I've set up a post office box so you can correspond with us if you like, but be assured that this box will not lead you to us. Sonny, I too hate it that we have been able to do nothing but argue and accuse when we are in the same room these past few months. I've been able to clear my head about many things and one of them is that I don't blame you for Kristina's death. I don't think that I ever really truly believed that you were in any way responsible. I was just so angry with you. I felt as though you threw away our friendship that we had worked so hard to build up. I finally realized that maybe I pushed you too hard to be a man that I wanted you to be, and that was very wrong of me. You are who you are; you never gave me any false messages about that. I think that the more I realized I felt for you, the more scared I became.In your letter you said that you wished I wouldn't run. I'm not running Sonny. I'm taking my life back. I hadn't realized how unstable it was becoming until Ned started to change. I hadn't realized how unglued I was
becoming and I needed to do something about it before it was too late. I sincerely hope that my sudden letters out of the blue haven't caused you any turmoil, but I've been trying to make sense and make peace with all of the things that festered and grew and blew up in my face to make me end up in this position, and well, truth be told, you were the center of most of what went on in my life the last two years. I'll be brutally honest with you Sonny and tell you that every emotion from joy to sorrow that I've felt over the last year has stemmed from you. That's part of the reason I needed to get away as well. I simply couldn't let my life be consumed by thoughts of you and how damn mad I am at the both of us for tossing away something that was so beautiful and wonderful between us. We were two people who should have never stood in the same room together, unless it was a courtroom, but
nevertheless we became two people who needed each other for so many reasons, and we are both to blame for the demise of that. I wish that you could meet my daughter Sonny. She's so wonderful. I never in my life thought I would be a mother, but now there are moments when I couldn't imagine being anything but. She's only months old, but she changes every day. I want to give her the life that I never had. I want her to know the kind of love I never received. I don't ever want her to be afraid of her life. I want to put her in a bubble and keep her there until she's grown, but I know that's impossible. Someday, if events change and it becomes safe for me to return to Port Charles and resume my life, I would like you to meet her, and on that note, her highness has awoken from her nap and is not at all happy at mommy's lack of response to her beckoning so I must go.

Be safe,

Alexis

Sonny folded the letter and casually brought it up to his face. He thought it might be in his own mind, but he swore he could smell her perfume. He inhaled again, closing his eyes to get a clear picture of her face in his head. When he finally snapped out of his reverie, he stood up and went to his wall safe behind the framed map he kept hanging behind his desk and with a trembling hand dialed the combination. Opening it, he gently untied the black silk ribbon and added the second letter to the first.

Alexis made her way through the marketplace to the post office where she went immediately to the row of tiny boxes that lined one whole room. She scanned the rows until her eyes rested on the numbers that were assigned to
her box. Gingerly taking the key from her purse, she opened the lock and pulled the small door open. Inside was an envelope with her name and P.O. number on it. Taking a deep breath she slid her hand inside and grasped the paper. The writing was his, she only had to look once. Looking down at her daughter, who was now sleeping in her stroller, she sighed and left to find a quiet place to read Sonny's latest response. She found solace in a small park a few blocks away from the post office. She sat on a bench under a tree and parked Kristina close to her. The child was
now awake, but looking at her mother contently. Alexis smiled down at her and brushed a finger gently along her cheek. "Okay little one, let's see what your daddy has to say this time."

Alexis,

This has to be the strangest thing that I've ever done. Writing letters…but the way I look at it, you and I are talking again, so to speak, and that's okay by me. It feels good to tell you some of the things that I've been feeling since we began to fight. I'm still trying to figure out how you get these letters to me without an address or a stamp or anything. They just appear at my office. I always knew you had a sneaky side to you. I'm glad that you and Kristina are doing okay. It's good to know that you feel all right. As much as I want to see you, I say stay where you are if that's what's making you and Kristina happy. I hope you'll come back someday, but for now, you do what you have to do. You're right you know. Ned is running all over the place trying to find you. He's even got the Port Charles PD looking for you, so the way I see it, you're safe. Don't worry, I'm keeping a close eye on Mr. Ned and he won't get anywhere near you. The woman you mentioned that you thought he was working with is Faith Roscoe, Roscoe's widow and she's fuming mad at me, but she's purely amateur. I've been setting things in motion to put an end to their plotting against me. Alexis, in my last letter I told you that I loved you too. You didn't
respond to that in your letter and I have to know why. It's been eating at me like you wouldn't believe. You know me Lex, despite everything, you're still the only one who truly does, and you know I don't throw that around carelessly. I sit here now and think about what we could have been together if only we could have told each other that day how we were feeling. Hell, if I had only told you so many times like I should have just exactly what you
meant to me and not just that you did mean something to me. I should have told you what that something was. You made me think about the kind of person that I wanted to be. When we parted ways that day in your apartment, I went back to being someone who was selfish and miserable. I look in the mirror lately and I don't like the man staring back at me. Since your letters started coming, there's been a little more of that other man
creeping back and it's been making me feel good. He's still there and that gives me some hope you know?
You were right you know, we both broke down on each other. We both gave up way too easily. Why do you think that is? You know what though? As much as I can sit here and feel bad about missed opportunities and second chances, I'm just happy each time I see that white envelope with my name on it. I feel like my friend is still here with me.By the way, as you figured I probably would, I tried to have Benny track where your letters are coming from and he failed miserably. You should feel bad, the guy's really down on himself for not being able to figure this one out. I'm proud of you Lex. I knew there had to be some part of me that rubbed off on you. I'll just send you Benny's therapy bills.

Always your friend no matter what,

Sonny

P.S. Still waiting for that second confession. It must be a doozy if you
keep avoiding it.

Alexis tilted her head back and let the warm afternoon sun wash over her face. After a few minutes, she hugged the letter to her chest and smiled. She looked down at her daughter with the curly hair and the killer dimples. "If he only knew how much he rubbed off on me little one."

Sonny's mood had changed, and it wasn't going unnoticed by those around him. He was more light hearted than he had been lately. Jason had mentioned it, and so had several other people. Sonny had just shrugged them all off and
told them he felt good. That part was the truth. He felt very good. He was communicating with his best friend again, and that left him feeling an elation he had not felt in a long time. He had told Jason that there was no
particular reason for his sudden mood swing, but that part was a lie. There was definitely a reason, and that reason was Alexis. Ever since they had started to correspond with one another, he began to realize just how much he
missed her, and where all his happiness had come from when they had been friends. Truth be told, when he looked back at the last two years of his life, just knowing she had been across the hall, there for him no matter what, had made him happy, and now her letters were making him happy. He closed his eyes and chuckled at himself for acting so out of character. Sitting at his desk he carefully opened the next installment of Alexis' mysteriously sent letters.

Sonny,

I hope everything is going well with you. You never really tell me how things are for you right now. I wish you would. Okay, I'll get right to it I guess. I'll address you telling me you loved me too. I do believe that you loved me. The relationship we had been having up until our night together, well, even if we hadn't taken it to the next level, I think we had grown to care about one another enough as friends to call it love. I already told you that yes, I did fall in love with you at some point, but please don't patronize me Sonny by telling me the love you felt for me was more than that of a deep friendship. I seriously thought about telling you that day that I loved you, but all I had to do was look in your eyes when I asked if you still loved Carly and I had my answer. Telling you any more would have made things worse. Since I'm being honest with you, maybe you could answer me a question, but I want you to think about it long and hard before you answer, and answer it with the most honest response that you have ever given me, no matter how much you think it might hurt me. What would you have done if I had told you what I was feeling that day? If I had said Sonny I've fallen in love with you and the night we spent together was one of the most wonderful nights of my entire life. If I had told you that the way you made love to me that night was more tender and caring than I've ever been treated before by anyone, what would you have said? I took Kristina to the park yesterday. We had a picnic she and I. I had her down on a blanket in the grass and the sun was shining, she loves being outdoors. Anyway, I looked away for half a second, and when I looked back to her, she was up on her hands and knees for the first time. Something as simple as that took my breath away. I can't tell you what a joy it is to be able to enjoy my daughter without fear. It's amazing that something like having a child and watching them accomplish the simplest of things like learning to get up on their hands and knees, can make you aware of all of the little things, often overlooked things in life that bring happiness. I do get lonely for adult companionship and conversation sometimes though. I've begun to talk to complete strangers in baby talk. I've been doing some investigating on my own, and I've found out about some of Ned's activities. He's planning an assault on your finances Sonny, so I would make damn sure all your "business" interest are cleaned up and well protected. I don't understand what happened to Ned. Sometimes I feel like I had something to do with it, but then I start thinking with this new improved sense of self worth I seem to be developing and I say to hell with him. I guess that's always been a large part of my problems. I think that I have to take on the burden of everyone else, and if they fail or if they become unhappy then I feel the guilt. I'm doing my best to change that though. You always laugh at my insane compulsion to think, but since I've been here with no one to talk me out of my thoughts and ideas, I've come up with a great many and I honestly think that I've found a little piece of the old Alexis that you first met that day in the Grille. I'm taking that little piece and using it as my foundation. It feels wonderful. I feel wonderful.
I even feel confident enough in myself to tell you that I miss you very much. I've missed you very much for a long time now.

Well, duty calls, I have to run.

Always,

Alexis

P.S. Tell Benny not to feel so bad…he did actually get close.

Sonny added the letter to the previous two in his safe and carefully locked them away. Sitting at his desk, he thoughtfully scratched his chin and let out a heavy sigh. "How am I going to get you back Alexis?"

Sonny sat down at his desk and stared at the blank piece of paper in front of him. He had put off responding to Alexis' last letter for over a week. She had asked him a tough question and he was bound and determined to give
her the most thought out, honest answer he could. Taking a deep breath, he picked up his pen and began his answer to Alexis.

Alexis paced the drawing room of her suite. His letter had arrived at her P.O. Box this morning. She had picked it up and taken it to the same park as before, but when she got there, she found she was unable to open the letter.
If she knew Sonny, and she was pretty confident that she did, there would be an answer to her very difficult question in that letter, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to read it. Instead she had played with Kristina at the park and eventually ended up at the small villa she was renting. Kristina had fallen asleep about a half hour ago and Alexis was grateful for the hour or so of quiet she would get. She picked the plain white envelope off of the small wooden table and, with one final glance towards her sleeping infant; she carried it out onto the balcony and sat down on a wicker chair. Taking several deep breaths, she tore open one end of the envelope and slid the
letter out.

Alexis,

Wow counselor, you can still ask the toughest of questions, but I'll get to that later. You asked me about my life lately. It was a mess for a while. Faith and Ned, Edward and even your beloved Candy boy have been after me. I
think I found a solution to most of my problems. Are you ready for this? Brace yourself. I called A.J. Quartermaine and told him I'd like to make an arrangement with him regarding Michael. We haven't met yet, but I think he and I need to come to an understanding. As for Edward, well, since I raided his company and now have controlling interest in ELQ, he has agreed to back off. Ned and Faith were a different story. Ned was pretty upset about the ELQ thing and the fact that Edward was in cahoots with Faith behind his back, so I convinced him that if he backs off his plan to destroy me, I would hand him half my shares and we would both have equal control in the company. That seemed to pacify him…that and the fact that I have some pending RICO charges filed against him. Faith, well, Faith had to leave town rather suddenly. Don't worry, she's still breathing. She was just forced to see things my way…that and Ned took her to a Quartermaine family gathering, she was kind of eager to get out of town after that. The biggest change in my life lately came when I received a letter about three months ago. It started dear Sonny and ended with Alexis. You have no idea how I've come to look forward to your letters. I miss you Alexis. I
have since the day you walked out as my lawyer and my tenant, and in many respects, my friend. That brings me to your very important question. I want to let you know that I did what you asked and thought about my response, and I'm going to be as honest as you want me to be. You asked what I would have said or done had you told me what you were really feeling the day we talked about our relationship. I don't know, and that's the truth. You didn't give me the option. The morning after our night together, I really thought that we were headed for something really good. Really complicated, but really good. Kristina came to me one day after we started to have our falling out, and she…well she gave me a new piece of anatomy if you know what I mean. She told me that I broke her sister's beautiful heart and that mine was next. At the time I just threw her out of my apartment, but she was wrong. My heart wasn't next. It had already broken. Things happened so quickly after our night together. The Carly thing I mean. We never had a chance to talk about what happened. When Carly came back from the dead, or where ever she was, it was like my brain split in two. On one hand I had this second chance…I wasn't responsible for another death. I had a woman that I cared about very much back. On the other hand there was you. A woman I cared about very deeply, a woman who had become my best friend…a woman who I realized I loved and not just as a friend. I came to your apartment to tell you that I was confused. That I loved Carly but I was pretty sure I was in love with you. You never gave me the chance. You never let me have any clue as to what you were feeling, and I took that to mean that you regretted what happened between us. I stood in your place and silently prayed in my head that you would give me some sort of signal that you wanted us to continue, but you didn't. Instead you told me to go back to my wife. It wasn't until after that, way after that, after the façade of Carly and our marriage fell apart once again that I realized that you were what made me happy. The man I was with you, that was the man that I wanted to be and I couldn't be that way with Carly. You want the truth Alexis and there it is. I didn't handle things the way I should have. Instead of letting my pride and hurt get in the way, I should have stood my ground and told you what I felt. Anything I've ever wanted in life I've fought for a way to get it. I don't know why I didn't fight to get you. The way things turned out between us…I hate the way things turned out and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything Alexis.You want some more truth Alexis…after you left, I could barely bring myself to think about you, I couldn't talk about you, and I couldn't hear anyone else talk about you. After I got your first letter, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I still love you. Maybe I realized it too late, but I love you. I let the first woman who was actually a healthy relationship slip right through my fingers. I wish you would come back here so we could talk in person and work this out. I want you back in my life Alexis. I know that's
selfish, but it's what I feel. My heart hurts Alexis. After you disassociated yourself from me, I blocked you out. I had to…but now that we've been being honest with one another…it's like someone took a knife and opened my heart, letting every raw emotion I've ever felt about you come running out. People have hurt me all my life,
things and situations have made me heartsick, but nothing has ever hurt like losing you. You wanted the truth. I've told you the truth. Only you Alexis, only you could make me sit down and write sappy letters. You know how ruined I would be if anyone ever saw these?

Love,

Sonny

Alexis rocked back and forth in her seat as she fought back the tears that threatened her face and the lump that sat in her throat. Biting her lower lip, she squeezed her eyes shut, the enormity of the words she had just read, coming from the man who wrote them taking the breath from her chest in heavy gulps. Finally, she couldn't fight anymore, she sank back against her sofa, drawing her knees up to her chest and sobbed.

Sonny stood at his window and stared out over the city of Port Charles. It had been over a month since he sent Alexis his letter pouring his very soul to her. Had he scared her away completely? He closed his eyes and rewound
his mind back to the times when they had been happy, to the times that he should have realized how much he was falling in love with her. Ever since he had forced himself to sit down and write down everything he was feeling, he
had been melancholy. All the happiness he had felt over the past months anticipating and reading her letters had dissipated into an aching sadness that he could not make go away. He had finally admitted to her…and to himself how he felt and now he couldn't shut it off anymore. He missed her, he needed her…God, and he wanted her. He leaned his forehead against the window and felt the cool glass against his skin. A sharp knock on his door made him jump out of his unhappy reverence.

"Yeah?" he called with a hoarse voice.

The door opened slightly and Johnny stuck his head in. "Boss," he said as he held out a white envelope. "This was just delivered for you."

Sonny turned his head and glanced at his bodyguard. A white envelope…it couldn't be from her. Her letters always came to his office, and only to his office. She would never risk sending him one at home. She didn't know that…

He turned his head back to the window. "Does it say anything on it?"

"Just your name boss."

Sonny perked up. "My name?" It was from her. He walked quickly across the room and took the envelope from Johnny. "Thanks, you can go now."

Johnny nodded his head and backed out of the apartment into the hall, closing the door behind him.

Sonny took the envelope and tore it open. There were only three words on the paper. Sonny furrowed his brow for a second as he glanced back at the words.

Open your door.
A

Suddenly his heart began to race as his head snapped up and over to his front door. His breath became shallow as he contemplated. No, she's not…He moved to the door and with a shaky hand turned the knob.

There in front of him was the very woman he had been agonizing over and the breath rushed from his body. He could say nothing as his eyes roamed her face. She looked thinner, but healthy. The sun had bronzed her skin…but her eyes…her eyes locked on to his, their sparkle and warmth unmistakable. She gave him the smallest of smiles and finally spoke, her voice timid and unsure. "Hello Sonny." She barely whispered.

Still unable to speak even if he wanted to, he quietly stepped aside and let her in, shutting the door behind them.
She took a few steps into his place and stopped. Her heart was pounding, but she forced herself to remain calm.
They stared at one another as Sonny found himself moving toward her, emotion taking full control of his body. He stopped not more than a foot away from her and raised his hand, his finger stroking her soft cheek ever so gently.

"Are you real?" he barely said.

Alexis smiled and dipped her head down, looking up at him through her eyelashes. "I'm real."

Sonny withdrew his hand and rubbed his forehead, tears threatening his eyes.

He looked at her. "I…" he chuckled. "I just feel like I want to grab you and hug you."

She smiled. "So hug me."

He needed no further encouragement as he pulled her gently to him and wrapped his arms around her slim frame. They instantly melted together, her head on his shoulder and his on hers, both sets of dark eyes drawn shut in pure relief of being close to one another. After what seemed an eternity, Sonny reluctantly pulled himself away and held her at arm's length.

"Five and half months," he said.

"Five and half months?" she repeated.

He nodded. "That's how long it's been since I've seen you."

She nodded a couple of times and took a deep breath. Taking his hand, she led him to the sofa where they sat down. Sonny turned his body so he was facing her. "Where have you been Lex?"

She let out a soft chuckle. "Around."

He smiled when he remembered that was the same answer he had given her so long ago when he had pulled his disappearing act. "Around…when did you become this international woman of mystery?"

She smiled back at him, her dimples gracing her cheeks. "Maybe I've always been this way. I have my secrets too you know."

Sonny laughed. "So you're not going to tell me?"

She shook her head. "No, I'm not going to tell you. It's my refuge. I may need to go there again some day."

The thought of her going away ever again made Sonny's heart sink. He stood up and paced back and forth a few times before stopping and taking her eyes with his own again. "Are you back?"

She bit the corner of her lip for a moment and released it. "We'll see. I need to be certain that it's safe." She replied, speaking partly about Kristina…and partly about her heart.

"I'll make it safe." Sonny assured her. He went back to the couch and sat down, taking her hand in his. "I know I've made promises to you in the past, but I swear on my own life that I will keep you and Kristina safe."

They sat silently for a moment, each not knowing where to go next. Finally Sonny broke the silence. "What made you come back?"

Alexis sighed. "I think that's obvious." She said quietly.

Sonny smiled. "I've always been a little slow, what's obvious?"

She squeezed his hand and released it, easing herself up from the couch and walking across the room. "You made me come back."

His heart fluttered at her admittance. He stood up and faced her. "Alexis…" he cleared his throat. "Do you…do think that you could ever love me again?" he asked, his voice shaking.

Alexis opened her mouth to speak, but closed it. Walking over to him she looked into his eyes and brushed an errant strand of hair off of his forehead, her hand resting on his cheek. "I never stopped loving you." She smiled. "I tried…" her voice trailed off as she dropped her hand back to her side. "What about…"

"Carly's gone." Sonny interrupted her, knowing exactly what she was about to ask.

Alexis nodded. "I know. Five and half months ago."

"After I got your first letter, I couldn't go on with that marriage any more." Sonny began. "It didn't matter if you were coming back to me or not, I couldn't stay with someone I wasn't in love with, but how did you…"

Alexis narrowed her eyes playfully. "You're not the only one who can check up on people Mr." She wrapped her arms around herself, her usual method of feeling protected. "What I was asking is…if you still loved her."

Sonny squeezed his eyes shut for a second and took a deep breath. "No. I could never love anyone the way I love you." He reached out with his hand, beckoning her to take it. She clasped her fingers through his and let him pull her to his body. He looked into her eyes. "I do love you Lex." He bent his head and gently brushed her lips with his, deepening the kiss when he felt her response. When they broke apart she smiled. "I've missed you so much."

Sonny stoked her hair. "So don't leave me again."

"I won't." She said nervously. She shifted her gaze to the floor and then back up at him. "I have something for you."

"For me?"

Alexis nodded and walked toward the door.

"Where are you going?"

She stopped and smiled. "Johnny's keeping my present safe in the hall."

"Johnny?" Sonny shook his head as he watched Alexis slip out the door and close it behind her. He wandered over to the couch and sat down. A few moments later the door opened and Alexis walked in with her daughter on her hip, a diaper bag in the other hand. "Sonny, meet Kristina."

Sonny stood up and moved to the little girl with the dark hair. He looked down at her and smiled as he saw so much of Alexis in her. "God Alexis, she's as beautiful as her mother." He said as he gently touched the little girl's head. "I'm a little confused here Alexis…I mean I don't think you're giving me your daughter as a present…"

Alexis shook her head. "No, quite the opposite. You gave me my daughter as a present."

Sonny's face crinkled in confusion. "I don't follow…"

Alexis looked at him, her face a mask of uncertainty. "Remember the other confession I never told you?" She tilted her head towards her daughter. "Confession number two."

Sonny's mouth went dry as the realization of what Alexis was saying hit home. "She's my daughter?"

Alexis nodded slowly and handed the little girl over to her father. "She's our daughter Sonny. She was never Ned's. I never slept with Ned."

Sonny studied the little toddler squirming in his arms, her brown eyes looking up at him. Tears filled his eyes and he looked back to Alexis, a thousand questions swimming in his head.

Alexis seemed to understand. "The paternity test was rigged. I didn't know at first that Ned did it." Tears streamed down her face. "I was so afraid Sonny…after Kristina…I couldn't let myself tell you. Her hand went to her forehead. "I wanted to…At first there was no question…"

Sonny carried his daughter to the couch and sat down, repositioning her on his lap. "Hey there Kristina. I'm your daddy."

Alexis cautiously joined Sonny and Kristina on the couch. She watched as they smiled and cooed at one another. "Has she said her first word yet?"

Alexis shook her head. "Not yet… Sonny…" her voice was panicked. Sonny reached over and put his hand over Alexis'. "It's all right. I understand, you did what you had to do."

"You missed out on almost a whole year of her life."

Sonny closed his eyes at the thought. "I have the rest of my life to get to know her."

"Sonny I'm so sorry."

Sonny reached over and took Alexis' hand in his. "It's over Alexis. All the bad stuff is behind us."

Hours later, Alexis and Sonny sat together on Sonny's couch, Kristina tucked away safe and sound on Sonny's bed after several hours of bonding with her daddy. Alexis leaned her head against Sonny's chest and breathed in his
scent. "I never thought I'd feel this again."

Sonny wrapped his arms around her and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

"Me neither." He took a deep breath and let it out. "You'll probably be upset with me, but I have a surprise for you too."

Alexis sat up and looked at him quizzically. "For me? How? You had no idea I was coming here today."

Sonny gave her a half grin. "I've sort of been saving it for when you did."

He stood up and offered his hand to her, which she took, and helped her to her feet.

"Where are we going?" Alexis asked as Sonny led her towards the front door.

"Just across the hall."

"To Jason's?"

Sonny smiled. "Yeah."

Alexis glanced over at the stairs. "I won't be able to hear Kristina."

"It will be all right." He assured her as he opened the door and motioned to Johnny. He jerked his head in the direction of his penthouse. "Will you go in and listen in case Kristina wakes up?"

Johnny nodded and went into the apartment, closing the door behind him. Sonny stopped and fished in his pocket, producing a key. Stepping over to the door to penthouse 2, he opened it. He looked back at Alexis. "New lock."

He said with a wink.

Alexis rolled her eyes. "Sure. For Jason you get a new lock."

Sonny took Alexis' hand once more and led her inside the dark apartment. He hit the light switch and the room lit up.

Alexis raised an eyebrow. "It 's empty." She stated.

Sonny nodded. "Looks that way."

"Where's Jason?"

"Moved out. Apparently he and Brenda decided they liked being married to one another." He shook his head. "I give them a few more months before they kill one another." He laughed.

Alexis swallowed hard. "Why…why are you showing me an empty apartment?" she asked, knowing what his answer would be.

Sonny led her further into the apartment, over to the balcony window where he stopped and took both of her hands in his. He looked into her eyes. "I messed up with us before."

"We both did." Alexis interrupted.

Sonny gave a small nod. "I know…but your messing up is far more understandable than mine." He looked at the floor and then back into Alexis' eyes. "I had someone who really cared about me through thick and thin, it didn't matter what the rest of the world thought of me…as long as you thought good about me…and I carelessly walked away from it and hurt you."

Alexis bowed her head and looked at the floor. Sonny put his finger to her chin and lifted her head so she was looking at him. "You were the one person in the world I should never have hurt." He sniffed back the tears that threatened. "What I'm trying to say here is…is…well…I would like the chance to do it right…what I should have done that day we talked in this apartment."

He let go of her hands and took a step back from her. "Alexis, I love you and making love to you was the most incredible thing I've ever experienced. I want to be with you, not as my lawyer, not as my friend. If you …if it's
right for you and Kristina…I would love it if you moved back in here so I can be close to you and we can raise our daughter together while we work on us."

Tears streamed down her face as she pursed her lips together, her face a hotbed of emotion, words escaping her. Finally, she nodded her head yes and moved forward into his embrace, pressing her cheek to his. "I love you
Sonny."

He hugged her tighter. "I love you Lex."

They stood motionless for what seemed like an eternity before Alexis stepped out of the embrace. "We should get back to Kristina."

Sonny nodded, and arm and arm, they walked out the door. When they were just outside Sonny's door, Sonny stopped. "Wait…you owe me an explanation."

Alexis raised her eyebrow. "I do?"

Sonny nodded. "Oh yeah, it's been driving me crazy. The letters."

Alexis smiled mischievously and continued on into Sonny's apartment where Johnny sat on the couch. He stood when they entered. "She's still asleep."

"Alexis." Sonny tried to sound stern. "Come on." He pleaded.

Alexis turned to him. "I have an excellent mailman." She cast a glance at Sonny's suddenly very nervous bodyguard. "Don't I Johnny?"

"Whatever you say Ms. Davis." Johnny quipped, throwing a wink at Alexis before he left the apartment.

Sonny stared after him in amazement and waited until the door was closed. "Johnny was slipping the notes on my desk?"

Alexis nodded. "I would mail the letter to him and he would slip them on your desk. He was also planting false information to keep Benny off of my back."

Sonny raised his eyebrows. "In cahoots with my bodyguard?"

Alexis let out a small chuckle. "He's probably wondering where his life insurance policy is now that you know the truth."

Sonny glanced at the door one more time, his expression serious. "Yeah, well, he knows I don't like secrets."

"Don't be too hard on him. He did it for me."

Sonny smiled. "Actually, I was thinking of tripling his salary, but I'll let him sweat it out tonight." He pulled Alexis to him and kissed her passionately. "Welcome home Alexis."