New Year's Eve

Alexis looked out the terrace window, coffee cup in hand, and smiled at the midday sunshine, tree limbs glinting with a thick coating of new snow, an almost ghostly air surrounding them. She could almost smell the crispness in the air, that unmistakable scent of snow she remembered from her childhood, the happy memories before her Mother was taken from her. It felt good to be home, good to be in her own bed, good to be making her own so-called coffee even if it was decaf. She chuckled to herself, her gift from Johnny was coming in quite handy - a new coffeemaker with pre-packaged exotic coffee delivery for one year, no fuss, no muss, no measuring, great coffee every cup. Oh, she snickered, how she loved technology. She heard a giggle and turned to look at Kristina's bassinet. She thought to herself a sweet-tempered child is such a gift, her gurgles, her teeny smiles and giggles, whispery coos and dimples popping on a minute-by-minute basis. She walked over and looked at her little one now amusing herself by opening and closing her little hand.

"Guess it doesn't take much when you are a weejun, huh?" Alexis chuckled as she watched Kristina open and close her tiny hand, dark eyes gazing in wonder.
Kristina looked at her mother, a smile stretching from her tiny rosebud mouth to her dark sparkling eyes and she melted.

"Well, sweetie, today is New Year's Eve - your first! Mommy can tell you from experience they all will not be fun, some will even be infuriating when someone asks you out only to get sucked into the never-ending other problems in their life and leave you standing by the bar celebrating alone. Just keep an optimistic thought about you, my darling, because there is always a New Year once every 365 days so at some point it will all turn out as planned," Alexis laughed as she lifted her from the bassinet and walked back to the window.

Alexis watched Kristina watch the world with a smile, marveling how such a serious person like her should be gifted with such a light-hearted child. Not to mention her dark moody father. Not to mention, Alexis thought, that was saying something. She thought about the green velvet box and the gardenia pin now buried in her dresser. After the first burst of joyful anticipation in her heart, she shook herself and forced her head back into the place she allowed her heart to occupy for those few promising moments.

"What's really changed? Nothing has no matter how many signals or gardenias he sends, no matter how much I want to wish all the bad away, there it remains. Better to just move on, start our new life and the New Year together, sweetie," Alexis murmured as she gazed at the world outside. She looked down and saw her daughter watching her with a serious expression, a mirror of her own, almost as if she were pondering her Mother's words.

"Well, my angel, hopefully tonight we two will be alone, snug in our home, peace will reign, our only company a little sparkling cider, some of Mrs. Lansbury's cookies, a bottle of formula - too bad they don't make an eggnog variety - and the sounds of Dick Clark. He's always been my favorite. I swear he must be 100 years old. Do you realize, Kristina, that of the seven days we've been home, not one of them has been just us girls? Seems the entire town of Port Charles wants to see you. Well, I can't blame them since you are a cutie but just you and Mommy would be a nice change," Alexis laughed as she nuzzled her daughter.

Just the two of them. The last seven days were wonderful but exhausting, filled with people popping in to check on them, people wanting to give them gifts, people wanting to bounce Kristina on their laps, people wanting to dole out "suggestions", little hints about how she should raise her daughter. Some days she felt her apartment a cross between Grand Central Station and a halfway house. She stifled the urge to open the door and just shove their loving hearts out into the hall. She just wanted to be alone with her daughter, getting to know her all by herself. Heartwarming as that thought was, she knew it was not likely with her motley group of family and friends.

"Perhaps the witness protection program, sweetie? New names, identities… hmmmm… nah, your Uncle Stefan would find us needles in that old haystack and your Uncle Cameron, well he's the persistent type so I guess we'd better just stay put," she laughed, tickling Kristina's belly.

Looking down at this small giggling bundle in her arms, she felt whole. For much of her life she'd felt incomplete, as if part of her went missing, regaining it always just out of her reach. Sonny showed her the path to finding that again, his friendship filling a void in her life. As they became more to each other, the path began a circuitous journey ending finally in the lushest garden, the garden of their desire that burst open like a flower, its petals dew-stained and wide open, the sun's power releasing its fragrance. The night they reached journey's end and explored that garden together, a night more passionate than anything Alexis could ever have imagined, the night they conceived their daughter, she felt herself fully complete. To lose that suddenly as she did fractured her soul, that missing part she regained with Sonny lost again, lost until her daughter. She filled a place in her life different from her father but no less important, perhaps more so because she was both of them in combination, a joining of DNA if not hearts. That thought stabbed Alexis where she lived. She still loved him, still wanted him now more than ever but it all came back to her - his life, what it was and who was in it, the need to protect this tiny life became all the greater.

Still, her thoughts drifted to that green velvet box and its contents. He knew what that particular flower signified to them, a silent signal to who they were for each other, a call to the resurrection of memory, a call to believe in them once again. So easy to interpret that way but what is, she thought wistfully, still is no matter how much you want it to be different.

The remainder of the afternoon proved fairly quiet, by the cock-eyed standards of Alexis's world, as Mrs. Lansbury stopped by with a reheatable New Year's Eve feast and enough homemade frozen entrees and hand-blended baby food to fill a specialty store.

"Thank you so much, Mrs. Lansbury. We really appreciate everything you've done for us but I think working for our family for so many years has made you truly evil," Alexis solemnly intoned, a smile playing lightly across her lips.

"Why Miss Alexis, whatever would make you say such a thing! I'm only doing what Prince Nicholas and Mr. Cassadine would want. We haven't had a new baby since the young Prince was born and I've been enjoying making things to…" Mrs. Lansbury replied, tears forming in the corner of her eyes.

Alexis took her hand and replied, "What I meant to say is you are evil because I'll never lose the baby fat with all the delicious food you are making for me. You know how much it means to me, not just this but all the ways you have always made me feel special. Now that I've made you cry, would you like to hold Kristina? She needs to make friends with the lovely lady who will spoil her with scones and cream one day."

Zander returned from work around 6:00p and joined her for a light dinner of Caesar salad, pheasant, apple cranberry stuffing, ramekins of buttery potatoes, baby asparagus tips, and baklava.

He sat back, rubbed his stomach and laughed, "If I keep eating here I'm going to look like a beached whale. Guess it is off to the gym tomorrow - New Year, new resolution."

She laughed back, the outline of his firm biceps evident even under his sweater and said, "Frankly, I don't think you have a problem but me, well let's say I think I'll go back and really use that gym membership I bought when I was trying to work off my frustration."

"Nope, you are prefect just as you are, even more beautiful than before. You have Mama's glow," Zander laughed as he looked at her in the candlelight.

She blushed and said, "Well, you don't work for me so no need to butter me up if you want to get a raise. Speaking of work, how is it going with Ned?" she asked, concerned that Ned's anger with her would transfer itself to Zander.

"Ned's ok, a bit high strung at times but I can take a lot. I know you both had a falling out and from your expression it isn't going to get any better but if he wants to get at you though me, let him. I can always get another job, there is only one Alexis and I won't let you down," he said as he looked into her eyes.

"Zander, I appreciate that, I really do. Ned made some threats at the Christmas Party that, while I won't go into specifics, were quite ugly. I know you and how you think and if you think that you can spy for me or do something to help, let me just say - DON'T. I can handle anything Ned throws at me, we Cassadines are practiced at war games, so please don't attempt to be noble and do something that will result in a call from the GH ER asking me to come and see your latest war wound, ok?" she said seriously.

He looked at her for a long time and said," Ok. But if something comes across my path I'm not going to ignore it but I do promise to inform you first. Happy?" Zander replied with a smirk.

"Sublimely," Alexis said as she raised her water glass in a mock toast, "So what are your plans for tonight?"

"Well, believe it or not, I'm going out with Elizabeth to the party at the PC Grille. We seem to have repaired the damage to our friendship so we are going out on the town as friends," he said, not quite sincerely.

"Well, sometimes friendship is the best place to begin, you get to know each other slowly and maybe, if you are lucky, something magical happens and love follows. If it does, Zander, hold onto it for your life, never let it go, never let anything get in the way of it. Love is precious and very likely never comes your way again," Alexis said quietly, her eyes distant.

Before he left, Zander held Kristina as he spun another of his wild improbable tales, this one about a fallen knight and the rich young princess that helps him to believe in himself again and she immediately knew the players - he and Emily. He enjoyed telling his "niece" stories and humming what sounded like heavy metal anthems to her. Alexis shook her head, she couldn't imagine her world without his smiling, cocky presence in it.

It was quiet again as Alexis prepared for their first New Year's Eve together. She and Kristina bathed together, laughing as bubbles floated in the air, their rainbow swirls gleaming in the soft light before the force of gravity took over and they burst into nothingness. She thought about their gifts from Sonny and decided that tonight, if he could not be here in person to toast the New Year with them, they would just have to do. She placed a wiggly Kristina in the middle of her bed as she dressed. She chose a seeded black pants suit, a long tunic skimming her ankles, the pants loose and full cut, the small onyx beads shimmering in the light of the bedroom. Low heeled silk open toe shoes and her hair upswept held by a single jet black velvet clip completed her look. She dressed Kristina in her green velvet dress and had to admit she looked beautiful, her coloring bringing out the lushness of the green. They stood together, Mother and daughter, in front of the mirror and she knew it was a forlorn wish but she wished with all her heart that Sonny was standing next to her.

"Not going to happen, Lex, it shouldn't happen. Why are you so ready to open that path again? Ned was right in one thing - just because I want something to change doesn't make it a reality," Alexis whispered sadly.

Still, the time they spent together at the Christmas Party before it all blew up in her face remained with her, the sensation of standing next to him as he held his daughter for the first time, watching him gaze at her with such tenderness, the dark circles under his eyes and the furrow in his brow gone for a moment, as a light replaced the darkness in him and he looked contented and strangely satisfied. Something happened in that moment, she could sense it if not actually define it, and she wondered if he'd been about to say something when Ned barged in and started his argument with her. There was no way he could know so what could he possibly say to her - Cute baby? Wish I had one? - so she let that hope just float away with all the others in her life. She heard a giggle and glanced at Kristina who was gripping the silk gardenia on her dress as if she wasn't about to let go.

"Don't tell me you have a thing for gardenias too? Or are you psychic, little one?" Alexis laughed as she swept her daughter into her arms.

As they walked toward the door Alexis stopped and turned back to her dresser, her lower lip in the firm grip of her teeth. She walked back, put Kristina down, opened the drawer and removed the green velvet box. She smoothed the lid, drummed her fingers, played with her hair in the mirror, any distraction but to open it. To open it would be to become Pandora, releasing into the real world all her wishes and silent dreams bound up in that one symbolic flower. She'd allowed those unspoken hopes freedom once before, thrust them into the light of day, Sonny making her almost believe them possible, only to walk away from love because of the depth of that very love, the only decision she felt able to make as her world crumbled and her hopes shattered into fragments, her dreams scattered to the winds. Her hand continued to smooth the plush velvet as she looked into the mirror at a woman many call beautiful but with eyes carefully holding back the sadness within. She looked into the mirror as she watched Kristina still infatuated with the gardenia on her dress, a smile on her cherubic face, as if touching that intricately weaved flower meant touching her father.

"Fanciful, Lex, very fanciful," Alexis muttered as she took a deep breath, opened the box and removed the fragile pin, its solitary teardrop diamond swaying as she affixed it to her suit. She looked at it in the mirror, its reflection one of pure beauty and promise, and smiled solemnly as she picked up Kristina and walked into the living room to begin their celebration.

A big bowl of popcorn was ready, the cider was iced and Alexis was decorating a crystal plate with Mrs. Lansbury's cookies when she heard the grandfather clock in the hallway BONG! nine times. A second later the doorbell rang as Alexis rolled her eyes heavenward and she moved off to answer the door. Standing outside her door was the most beautiful large stuffed koala bear and her even more beautiful ex-husband.

"Happy New Year, Alexis! I just stopped by to see my two favorite girls," Jax said as he dropped a kiss on her cheek and walked into the apartment.

"Same to you, Jax. Kristina is in her bassinet in the living room. I'm surprised to see you, I assume you have plans," Alexis said, hoping to get rid of him as soon as she could. She loved him in so many ways but his actions since Brenda returned have been questionable and she was very unhappy with the way he was leading his life. The always gallant man who always cared for people's feelings first seemed to be replaced by someone she hardly recognized, a cold man who treated his wife with distain to run back to his earlier love now resurrected. She was never the biggest fan of Skye but she saw the agony on her face when she saw her at the hospital, the pain in her heart embedded on every inch. She still had issues with Brenda since she brought Alcazar here and started the ball rolling and she knew firsthand how intoxicating true love can be but there really was no excuse for Jax acting the way he has. I guess I may as well broach it now, Alexis thought, a New Year, a new beginning.

"I'm meeting up with Brenda later at the cottage, a quiet night alone," he said as he picked up Kristina.

"Do you really think that is wise? Do you really believe, Jax, anything you've been doing could be construed as really wise? You've been acting like a jackass for weeks so what I would like to know is who stole my best friend and favorite ex-husband because the man I knew would never treat Skye the way you are and make the rash decisions you've been making concerning your life. I'm only questioning it because I do love you and I'd prefer not to see you crash and burn and be left with no one, not even me, in your life," Alexis said looking at him as he played with Kristina.

"Alexis, you are my best friend and favorite ex-wife and I love you too but it really isn't any of your concern. I'm making the decisions I'm making because they are the right ones for me," he replied, the hurt barely hidden in his eyes.

"But there are other people involved - Skye for one - and you've never before just acted out of your own self-interest and I find that odd," Alexis said quietly, her heart breaking at the betrayal in his eyes her words caused.

"Alexis, I appreciate your concern but perhaps it is time to put me first…" Jax replied.

"That is fairly self-centered Jax," Alexis snapped.

"Alexis, please don't take this the wrong way but maybe you can't understand it because you've never loved someone so much you were willing to give up everything for them. So until you do, please don't question my decisions until you need to make them too," he said.

"You have no idea," Alexis sighed to herself.

That statement hurt Alexis because she knew the lengths intimately that you will go for that one person you love above all others. He had no idea but the words burned into her and she remained quiet. The silence became awkward and after playing awhile with Kristina he left.

"Well that went just swimmingly, didn't it pumpkin?" Alexis asked as she held Kristina, "Thanks to your Mommy, I think that may be your last koala bear for the next few years."

She was on her way back to the kitchen when the telephone rang. With a sigh, she picked it up and found Audrey on the other end. Just checking in, she said, before she headed off to the PC Grille to meet the Quartermaines.

"No, Audrey, we're just fine. We are having a girls night in tonight, lite snacks and formula and Dick Clark, if we both don't fall asleep," Alexis laughed.

She listened again and said," Honestly, you worry too much. We've had more than enough looking in by everyone and just want to ring in the New Year quietly with each other. Yes, if I change my mind, I know your pager number. Have a great time and give my best to everyone."

Alexis shook her head, laughed and just made the doorway of the kitchen when the doorbell rang again.

"Now what?" she mumbled to herself.

She opened the door to a large noisemaker blaring in her face. Elton laughed as he rushed in, dropped an air kiss on her cheeks, whipped off his scarf and hat very theatrically as he headed toward the bassinet.

"Here she is, my sweet little munchkin!" Elton cried as he leaned over her bassinet. Kristina giggled as he made faces and spoke his own version of baby talk.

"Elton, Happy New Year. This is a… surprise," Alexis said as she rolled her eyes.

"Oh, Ms. Davis, I just had to stop by, really I did. With Ms. Spencer gone to <whispers> you-know-where and maybe never to return, I've been trying to keep the home fires burning but it is even getting a bit much for me. After all, I have taste and refinement but these business types aren't very appreciative of the finer things. All business… well you know what they say about all work and no play, Ms. Davis?" Elton said quite dramatically.

"I think so but what does that have to do with your visit? Not that we don't enjoy having you. Kristina adores you and you've been so sweet," Alexis asked as she looked at her watch.

"Well actually I'm here to drop off some papers that were served on me at the office. Something about France, the "nose" man - doesn't that sound a bit too clown college? - and international patent law. No, not my forte, Ms. Davis. Give me a room to decorate, a schedule to organize or someone to give a foot massage and I'm right there. This is another story and I need you to take care of it for me. Mr. Spencer, during one of his more lucid periods, told me to come to you when I needed anything of the legal sort so here I am," Elton exclaimed and sat down on her sofa.

" Elton, you do recall this is New Year's Eve, right? A holiday? There isn't much I can do about this tonight," Alexis replied somewhat exasperated.

"Oh, you misunderstand me, Ms. Davis. I dropped them off tonight because I'm meeting the gang here," Elton said as he tickled Kristina's chin.

Alexis swallowed and asked, "The gang?"

"Lucky, Gia and Nicholas. They felt sorry for me - the dears! - said I was working too hard and they invited me to join them tonight," Elton said as he played with Kristina.

"Join them… here?" Alexis whispered as visions of rock music and noisemakers danced in her head.

"I don't know the plans, just to meet them here. Gives me a chance to spend some time with the prettiest little girl in the world. You know, Ms. Davis, with Gia stepping down as the Face of Deception, little Kristina may have her big chance. You are a lovely looking woman… say, how about a Mother and Baby line of products, sort of a Mommy and Me thing? Yessss… that would work, what do you think?" Elton mused as he whipped out a pad and pen and began writing furiously as he muttered to himself.

"I don't think so, Elton. A great idea, yes, but you'll just have to do without us," Alexis chuckled, simply amazed at his unrelenting enthusiasm. The doorbell rang and she walked over to answer.

"Happy New Year, Alexis! Can we come in?" Nicholas asked, Gia and Lucky standing behind him.

She kissed him hello and said, "Happy New Year, Nicholas. Gia and Lucky, you also. What a <ahem> pleasant surprise. And guess who's here? Elton."

Nicholas took one look at his aunt's face and smiled. He knew she wanted to be alone and here they all were just ready to hang out for awhile. Well, he thought, they'd stay for a bit and head out. Nothing was worse than his aunt when her wants were thwarted.

"We're heading out to hit some L&B parties so we won't be staying long," Nicholas said, watching the slight furrow in his aunt's brow disappear and her company smile come out to play. Yes, he knew her very well.

Lucky and Gia had already moved over to Kristina and were vying with Elton for her attention. At least you are having fun tonight, my little one, Alexis thought with a smile. True to his word, they stayed about a half-hour and left, noisemakers blaring as they hit the elevator.

"Ok, sweetie, where was I? Oh yes, cookies and formula. Be right back," Alexis called to Kristina who was wide awake from all the attention. Just as she removed a cookie from the tin, the doorbell rang. She took a deep breath, muttered a Greek curse under her breath and headed toward the door, Kristina's giggling quite audible from the living room.

"I'm glad you think this is funny," Alexis said as she silently fumed.

"Happy New Year, Ms. D and to little Kristina too!" caroled Johnny, Benny, Max and Francis like a barbershop quartet, large poinsettias held in their arms.

"Wow, did you practice that? Pretty good. So, you four are here, who's minding the store, guys?" Alexis asked as the four jolly faces passed through her door.

"Oh, seniority counts, Ms. D, we all have the night off until 11:30p, that is all except Benny who gets the whole night free. Personally, I think the boss is afraid of Benny's wife," Johnny laughed as they took off their coats and headed to - where else? - Kristina. They all stood over her cooing and talking, these four fearsome men totally in love with this dark-eyed little girl. Kristina just ate it up, loved being passed from man to man, giggling and laughing as they spoke to her.

"So, you guys just wanted to drop by," Alexis asked, popcorn bowl in hand.

"Yeah, we wanted to see both of you and we brought Kristina her Christmas present," Benny said gruffly holding Kristina as Francis brought her a large wrapped box.

"You really didn't need to, you four have done so much already on your own. Well, Kristina, let's see what your gentlemen callers have brought you," Alexis laughed as she tore off the wrapping. Inside was a mobile for above the crib, handmade by her practiced eye, the dancing figures all signified future careers- the legal scales of Justice, the medical Caduceus, a calculator for finance (probably Benny's contribution), an airplane, and a golden pen for writer. It was precious and thoughtful and quite unique, just like the four souls who brought it.

"What, no gun?" she asked with a smirk, their faces turning pasty white. "Just kidding, guys, this is quite amazing! It looks handmade," Alexis said as she touched each wooden symbol.

"We made it. Max picked out the special wood, Benny picked the symbols, Francis carved it in his cousin's woodshop, and I varnished it. We wanted something no one else would give her, something to remember us by," Johnny said proudly, a lump in his throat. They all adored Ms. D and this little baby and no matter what anyone else said, they wanted to be around to watch over them.

"Well, Kristina, it looks as if you are very special to some people. This is a gift that she will treasure all her life and I'll just bet, some day, she will hang it above her own child's crib," Alexis said with a tear in her eye, these wonderful tough-minded men amazing her.

"May we be alive and well to see that day, Ms. Davis," Francis intoned in his typical Irish way.

"Well, would you like some cookies and drinks before you go? No. Well, again, thank you for coming and have a Happy New Year," Alexis said as they put on their coats after a last goodbye to Kristina. They filed out quietly as she kissed each one on the cheek, a final kiss and warm hug for Johnny.

She shut the door, sat down and glanced at her daughter. She sat that way for a few minutes when the doorbell rang again. A sigh, one creative Russian curse and an eye-roll later, she was at the door.

"Natasha, darlin! Happy New Year!" Luke Spencer intoned from behind his scarf.

"Luke, so lovely to see you out of the crazy pool," Alexis chuckled as he hugged her to him, bestowing a big sloppy kiss on her lips.

"Yep, our clothes-challenged D.A. seems to have changed his mind about my wacky. Even Dr. Quack seems to have had a change of heart. Hey… maybe they both found God," Luke laughed as he charged across the room to whisk Kristina in his arms. He swooped and glided and sang as Kristina gurgled. What a nut, she thought, but Luke was Luke and that was part of the charm.

"More likely they needed the bed in the psych unit. We both know you aren't crazy, Luke, so why continue with this whole Summer thing?" Alexis asked as she offered him a cookie.

He took it, looked at it and said, "No poison I hope" as she smirked right back at him. "She's real, Natasha, as real as your resurrected-but-now-dead-again older brother the Ice Pop. She's got issues and they involve a bad guy so she goes MIA at the worst possible time. I'll find her and prove to everyone she's real. At least it gives me a hobby, right?"

She looked at her friend sadly and said, "I always believe you, Luke, you are right more often than you are wrong. But do my a favor, don't turn your back on the people that love you and want to help you."

"Got it, Natasha. Well, just wanted to stop by and wish you and the little tyke the best for the New Year. Heard you are hanging out with Dr. Quack. Not a bad sort but then again after being a Cassadine, the devil himself might look angelic," Luke laughed as he wrapped his scarf around his neck and pulled on his gloves, "Toodles, Tash… see you in 2003!"

She laughed as she showed him out of the apartment. He was a character but they had this weird respectful friendship that was better not dissected. She walked over to Kristina who was listening to Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin
Eve and sat her in the carrier facing the television. Her daughter looked thoughtful - or amazed by Dick Clark - and when she looked like that and turned her head a certain way, she looked just like Sonny. It was comforting yet disturbing at the same time to see the ghost of that handsome face look out to the world from her daughter's dark eyes. How long could she hide it especially when Kristina got older? Maybe she didn't want to hide it, she thought, maybe she wanted him to look at his daughter and just KNOW. She shook her head again, muttered "Be careful what you wish for!"

"What do you say, pumpkin, one more time?" Alexis said as she headed for the kitchen. It was 11:46p and she wanted to be ready for the ball drop in Times Square. The phone rang and with a muttered French curse, picked it up. It was Cameron.

"Hello, Cameron, and Happy New Year! No, we are just hanging out together watching Dick Clark and munching on snacks and formula. Cute… no not me, Kristina. We are fine and frankly I've had so many visitors tonight I really don't need company. Oh, my nephew and his fiancée, Lucky Spencer, Elton, Jax, Luke, some other friends. And of course Zander stopped by for dinner. I can't wait for you to meet him, he is very special to me. So, it really has been hopping here and we are quite wiped out," Alexis said as she stifled a fake yawn.

She listened to him and said, "I guess we all feel that way but you told me to look ahead to new things in my life and I think you need to take that advice too. Will you come for dinner tomorrow? Mrs. Lansbury brought me enough gourmet food to start my own co-op and we'd love to share New Year's Day with you. Good. We'll see you at 2:00p tomorrow. Yes, and to you too." She hung up the phone slowly and leaned against the wall. Cameron was a puzzle, so open at times and so closed at others. He seemed sad this holiday time and she meant to find out just what was bothering him. His friendship meant a lot to her and she wanted to repay him for his kindness.

"What do you think, sweetie, should Mommy even attempt to get those snacks? Or should I just unplug the phone and cut power to the doorbell?" Alexis chuckled.

She headed off to the kitchen and congratulated herself as she managed to get all the snacks, formula and sparkling cider into the living room without interruption. She made herself comfortable with her daughter in her arms as they were five minutes from the New Year. She looked down at Kristina as she reached out to touch the gardenia pin on her Mother's suit. Her tiny hands played with the diamond, gazing at it with serious purpose, her other hand clutching the gardenia on her dress. Alexis's heart tugged and she wished again that things were different and this night would truly be that new beginning these gifts had promised, that Sonny seemed to promise. It still couldn't work, she thought, too much debris to clear, too much of the same old hanging about. She wouldn't allow herself to fall into the trap of hoping again.

"Five…Four…Three…Two…One… Happy New Year!" Dick Clark intoned from high atop the Marriott Marquis Hotel as strains of Auld Lang Syne began in the throng in Times Square.

"Well, little one, Happy New Year to us and may it be a good one, one filled with lots of love and surprises," Alexis said as she hugged her daughter to her. At that moment the doorbell rang again.

"Ok, ok, that's IT! I've had it, I don't care who you are, what you are selling, just go away," she yelled as she yanked open the door to find Sonny standing there, coat in hand, snowflakes still resting on his hair. They looked at each other for a moment and as she opened her mouth to speak, he brought his fingers to her lips and said, "Happy New Year Alexis, may it be all we want it to be" and promptly kissed her, deeply and fully. After a split second of indecision, she gave him back as good as he gave her. They separated and as they gazed into each other's eyes Alexis opened her mouth again to speak and no words came out. They both laughed shyly and continued to stand just staring into each other's eyes. A cry from Kristina gained their attention and both went over to check on her. She was staring at Alexis and .Sonny with a most serious expression on her face as if assessing the situation. All at once a wide smile glided across her face like the rising sun and she seemed to point at both of them and laugh. They looked at each other and laughed too.

"That's one smart kid. You look beautiful tonight, Alexis, and I see that my gifts arrived on time. The pin looks stunning - just right - and the dress looks pretty on Kristina," Sonny said as he took off his coat and gloves.

"Yes, they were quite a surprise but very much appreciated, as was the sentiment on the card," Alexis said quietly as he went to stand before Kristina.

"I meant every word. I spent the last few weeks realizing many things, some truths that were unspoken, the reality of what I want my life to be and who I want to share it, that I need to be worthy of the life I want and my willingness to give all I can to that dream. I've almost regained my dreams, Alexis, the ones we used to talk about, the ones you gave me the strength to believe in. I'd lost them when I went back to Carly, I'd lost you. We walked away from something important that was growing between us for a lot of reasons we both know, and I think for some we just imagined were there. I found that without you in it my life really is meaningless and I don't mean that as a cliché. I lost my way, I lost all the hope you gave me that I could be more than I ever thought possible. You showed me a life that I could have and not be afraid it would be taken from me. I want that and you back again," Sonny said as Kristina grasped his fingers. He watched her for a moment, touched her curling hair and just smiled.

Alexis watched father and daughter as she listened to his words. So much was being said and it felt almost like old times when they could tell each other their deepest thoughts and hopes knowing the other would understand.

"Would you like to hold her?" Alexis said as Kristina reached out both arms toward him.

Looking very humble, he quietly said, "Yes."

She loosed the restraints in the carrier and he lifted her into his arms. He stood holding her, a silence born of tender love surrounding them and Alexis left them there, walking to the kitchen as the tears flowed from her eyes. Seeing them together was very emotional for her, the perfect way she fit into his arms at just the right angle, the way her daughter looked deeply into his eyes and found comfort there. It was that way from the beginning, from the moment they laid eyes on each other, that familial connection strong even amid the living of a lie. It tore at Alexis and forced her to think once again about the future and about the need to dream and live her hopes and be truthful to all of them. She glanced down at the gardenia pin, so alive with promise, so much sentiment living in that glazed and painted surface. Did she have the courage to believe again in dreams, in a future that was unknown and possibly dangerous? She knew in her heart that their lives would be empty without his presence. He came here on this night, she thought, a night when new beginnings are forged and hope begins again, renewed by the belief that change is possible, even probable. He spoke now of wanting to be worthy of what he wanted to become and he needed her in his life to follow that dream. Did she dare to dream it too?

She stood in the kitchen, piling cookies on the plate, pouring two champagne glasses of sparkling cider and pondered. She walked into the living room and stood watching the man she loved and their daughter. They were over by the Christmas tree, Kristina was batting against the Faberge ornaments as she reached for the popcorn strand, her gurgles and his laughter erupting as she grabbed the first strand and pulled it toward her, her gums working over the popcorn.

"You are definitely your Mother's daughter. Microwave popcorn or Faberge, I know which Mommy would choose," Sonny chuckled as he smoothed his daughter's hair. They turned at her footsteps, two dark heads, each with hair on the verge of curls, dark eyes alight with laughter, one inseparable from the other. They took her breath away and in that intake of breath, touching the gardenia for luck, Alexis cast her life upon the winds and she knew there was no looking back.

"Well, we have snacks, formula and sparkling cider - I'm nursing - and what is left of Dick Clark. Can you stay for awhile?" Alexis asked, her heart beating a mile a minute.

"There is no where else I am meant to be, Alexis," Sonny replied as he looked deeply into her eyes.

The unspoken words were all there written into his dark, volatile eyes. They thrilled her and frightened her but having the courage to dream often means closing your eyes and jumping without the comfort of a parachute. So, she boldly looked back, her own words, unspoken except in the stillness of her heart, flashed before him as both smiled. They sat, those three hearts, on the sofa as Sonny held his daughter, their daughter. She looked at him as he kissed Kristina's head, closing his eyes as if not quite believing she was real.

He opened his eyes, looked at Alexis with utter tenderness and she found herself saying, "She's ours Sonny, yours and mine," and closed her eyes, waiting yet fearful for his response.

A moment passed and she felt a kiss as soft as butterfly wings on her lips. She opened her eyes to gaze into his, his answer plain to see.

"I know Alexis," he said quietly as his daughter started to drift off to sleep. He laid her in the bassinet, pulled the coverlet over her, kissed her and sat down next to Alexis.

She looked at him, questions spilling over onto themselves as he put his fingers to her lips, smiled quietly and said, "That is a discussion for another day. Isn't it enough right now that I do know and you want me to? It is a dream that never left me, even when the DNA test said Ned was the father. It was the same dream that someday you would come back into my life that kept me going when life seemed too much to bear without you. I've hoped for this and today we'll begin again, dreaming one day at a time."

She looked at him as tears fell from her eyes and simply nodded. She had no words. As they moved toward each other, her tears continued to fall, one tear falling to rest upon the single diamond teardrop swaying on a gift of promise, becoming one glistening tear of hope for a new day.