A Kiss Goodnight
by Cowgirl

part 5

Alexis had skillfully managed to avoid Sonny for three whole days as she tried to figure out what to do about the newfound revelations about their feelings for one another. Each night she lay in her bed staring up into the darkness contemplating what would happen if she and Sonny were to become a couple. Each time she would start off dutifully ticking off the numerous reasons why they should not, or could not be together. Each time she would end up drifting off into her own secret fantasy of she and Sonny ensconced in some dream house with him giving up his illegal ways and becoming a model citizen. Each time she ended up shaking her head and knowing full well that would never happen and as much as she would love for Sonny to say "Yes Alexis, I'll gladly give up the life for you." She knew in her heart that she could never ask him to do that or that he'd even acquiesce.

On day four however, her luck ran out. She scarfed down a breakfast of muddy coffee and burnt toast and headed off for the courthouse. Just as she hit the elevator button Sonny's uncanny ability to sense when she was in the hallway must have kicked in and he opened the door. Alexis sighed feeling his presence without even looking and turned around. There he was Armani clad, leaning against his doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest, his mouth drawn into a tight line. He cleared his throat. "I realize that you're avoiding me like the plague, but I do have business interest that need looking over by my attorney." He brought a hand up and rubbed his chin. "If that's a problem in any way just let me know and I can arrange for someone..."

"Sonny knock it off," Alexis said cutting him off.

He shrugged and looked down at one of his fingernails. "I'm just saying..."

"I'm well aware of what needs taking care of Sonny. I have all the paper work and I've been redrafting those contracts so don't worry."

He gave a single nod of his head. "Great, I just want to know that everything's being taking care of."

"Well it is." She said not caring for his hostile tone.

"Just drop them off with Johnny when they're done."

Alexis shook her head and looked at the floor for a moment. "So that's it then. I didn't react the way you would've liked so you're finished with me?"

"What do you want me to say?"

She took a few steps closer to him. "I realize that what I said may have hurt you and I'm sorry for that." She ran a hand through her bangs. "Don't you see that just a few simple kisses have already put a strain on our friendship? I don't want to lose what we've worked so hard to build up between us Sonny do you?"

He let out a sigh and his facial features softened. "I think we could make it better if we just admit to each other that what we have now is beyond friendship."

"Or we could end up destroying everything."

He shrugged. "So how do you know? You know...I mean if we don't explore it how do we find out?"

Alexis closed her eyes briefly and pinched the bridge of her nose. "That isn't the question here. You're absolutely right. We don't know unless we explore it, the question is do we want to risk everything to go searching for answers?"

"So what do we do?"

"I have no idea."

He sniffed. "Will it...you know...will it make it easier if I get someone else to represent me?"

"Is that what you want?"

"No. But if it will make things easier..."

"It won't change what's gone on and what's been said lately." She held up her hands only to let them drop back down to her sides. "What then? You get another attorney, then what? I move out of the building, across town maybe? Then you can stop going to Kelly's because I frequent it and we might run into one another. Then you can have your people call my people when you're going to be at the Grille, or in court, or at the hospital so we can avoid each other all together? Is that what you want?"

"You know that's not what I want."

She shook her head. "Like I said, I didn't react the way you wanted to your declaration and now you want to just toss our friendship aside." She looked at him honestly. "What would happen if we were to become lovers and that didn't work out? Are you prepared to lose me from your life completely Sonny, because I'm not sure if I could handle it if you disappeared from mine."

Sonny studied her for a moment. "Why are you acting like you and me getting together would be such a calamity? You...you don't think that you and I could be together?"

Alexis sighed. "I think...I think that it would cause both of us a lot of trouble Sonny. We're on opposite sides of the law for God's sake."

"We've managed to be very good friends on opposite sides of the law."

"This is different."

"How?"

She raised her eyebrows. "How can you ask that? I'd be putting my career in jeopardy do you get that?"

"And don't forget Candyboy and Ashton might throw a hissy fit."

"I've never cared what they've said about my relationship with you. That's not the issue and you know it."

"Do you want to be with me Alexis?"

His question stopped her cold. She wasn't prepared for questions like that. She looked at him silently.

"Is that a no?" he asked quietly.

She closed her eyes. "It's not that cut and dry."

"So what is it then?"

"It's..." She opened her eyes and took a step closer to him. "I meant what I said to you."

"Except you never actually said it. I asked a question and you answered it. I put you on the spot."

"Yes, you did."

"Would you have said it other wise? Would you have told me how you felt about me?"

She looked into his eyes. "Probably not."

"Why?"

"Because I wasn't prepared to say it." She rubbed her forehead and moved until she stood next to him leaning against the opposite end of the doorframe. "I've been trying to deal with my feelings for you for a long time Sonny. I'm still trying to deal with them. I don't really know how to."

He gave her this look and it undid her. It was this look that she was positive only she got to see. This little boy innocence look and it always told her when he was being completely honest and open with her.

He cocked his head to one side. "Say it," he said softly.

Alexis looked sheepishly at the wall next to him for a split second and then back to him. "Why?"

"Because I want to hear you say it."

Alexis drew in a breath very slowly and let it out, her emotions rising and forcing her chest to tighten. She gently lifted her arm and let her fingertips land on his cheek. "I'm in love with you Sonny..." She bit down on her lip and forced back a sob. "But I don't think that you and I should start something that we both know will end up badly."
Sonny swallowed the lump in his throat. That was a double-edged sword if ever he saw one. "Lex..."

She moved her hand to his lips. "Don't okay?" She offered him a weak smile. "I don't want to lose you Sonny. Tell me that we can get over this and be friends for a long time."

Sonny didn't know what to say. "I'll do what ever you want Alexis."

She looked into his eyes. "Then promise me you'll be my best friend...just like always...that you won't shut me out."

"I won't shut you out." He gave her half a dimple. "You have my permission to kick my butt if I do."

She couldn't help but smile back. "You know I'll take you up on that."

He nodded. "That's what I'm counting on."

She shook her head. "I have to go."

"Okay."

"I'll drop those contracts off to you later."

"All right."

They smiled at each other once more before Alexis pushed the elevator button and turned around. "You know something edible wouldn't be a bad thing when I drop those contracts off."

Sonny laughed. "You got it."

"See you later."

He watched as she got on to the elevator and disappeared and his smile faded. How the hell was he supposed to go on like nothing's happened when she had just ripped his heart from his chest?

part 6