A Kiss Goodnight
by Cowgirl

part 4

Alexis looked into his eyes and knew he was being sincere. Her brow crinkled slightly and her mouth opened just a touch as she stared at his beautiful eyes. She didn't know what to say. On one hand there was the man she had secretly repressed her feeling for months, maybe even longer, standing there telling her that he's fallen in love with her. On the other hand she knew deep in her heart of hearts that they couldn't be together this way. The reality of Sonny Corinthos and Alexis Davis being a couple would open floodgates that neither of them was prepared for and Alexis knew that.

She blinked a couple of times and silently brought a hand to her mouth.

Sonny licked his lower lip and his expression tightened. She hadn't said anything. He had just told her he loved her and she didn't say anything. He could see the fear of his statement swimming in her eyes and it unnerved him.
He took a deep breath and stepped back from her, his hand slipping down to grasp hers. "Come here," he said softly as he led her to the couch and sat down. He turned his body towards her. "I can't even begin to know what's going on in that beautiful brain of yours, but I do know I just scared the hell out of you." His gaze bore into hers as he searched for something...anything to tell him what was going on. "Tell me what you're thinking."

Alexis took in a slow, but deep breath and let it out. "I..." She cleared her throat. "I guess I'm in shock." She lowered her eyes. "And in denial."

Sonny's eyebrow raised. "Denial?"

She nodded and met his eyes again. "I know that things between us have become...intense lately. We've grown close there's no denying that we've both been...well...we've been flirty and teasing with one another. It was bound to come to a head sooner or later." She stopped and squeezed his hand. "Neither of us has ever had a friendship like we have with one another."

Sonny tilted his head to one side. "You still haven't told me what you're in denial about."

She bit her lip briefly and let it go. "You don't love me Sonny. Not like you think you do."

His eyes narrowed in confusion and he pulled his upper body back a little. "What's that supposed to mean? You don't think I know how I feel?"

Alexis dropped his hand and stood up. She shook her head. "Sonny...don't you think I would be thrilled beyond belief if I thought you were really in love with me?"

He stood up and moved to her, taking her gently by the shoulders. "I am in love with you...what part of that didn't you understand?"

"I can buy that you love me." She said holding up a hand. "As close as we've been how can we not feel love towards one another...but for you I think it's just that. You love me like you love..." She waved her hand. "Jason, or your mother in law..."

Sonny caught her hand. "Ex-mother in law, and believe me when I look at Jason, I don't think about the things that I think about when I look at you." He shook his head in frustration. "Why are you so scared of me when it comes to love? How long have you felt the way you do about me and just squashed it down to the bottom of your heart because you were afraid to feel it?"

Alexis closed her eyes. "You love and you will always love Carly and I won't ever be able to get over that. I won't ever be able to trust that the very next time Carly wants you back...and she always does sooner or later...that I won't get hurt."

Sonny turned his head to the side and squeezed his eyes shut in an effort to try and make sense of what Alexis was telling him. Finally he looked back to her. "Lex, I told you, yes, I will always love and care about Carly, but I'm not in love with her anymore. Carly and me...we were like the last two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that didn't match but someone just kept mashing us together until we did fit, even if it wasn't right. We were part of the same puzzle, but not the two pieces that fit together." He pointed at her. "No, there's something else here. You're scared of something." He moved to her and captured her lips with his. When they broke apart he smiled. "You wouldn't let me kiss you like that if you really believed it was misplaced on my part."

Alexis looked away and sighed. She began to move around the room, her mind forcing her to stick with the facts. "Okay. When Sonny...when did you start realizing that you and I were meant to be more than friends? I never noticed anything and usually when a man and woman are getting to the point where they love one another, they can usually tell when the other is feeling the same way."

Sonny held up his hands. "The same way that if your sister hadn't put the idea into my head, that I probably wouldn't have noticed the way you have difficulty breathing around me. They way you blush when I tease you." He stepped closer. "They way you ramble incessantly when things get too close between us..." He moved closer still, until they were inches apart. He reached out and just barely stroked her cheek. I probably wouldn't have noticed the little things that make you adorable."

"Adorable?" Alexis asked, horrified.

Sonny smiled. "Yeah, adorable. You know, the way you chew on your lip when you're nervous, how you do that little hair flippy thing." He leaned his face close to hers. "The way my blood starts pumping when you're in lawyer mode and one of your fancy lawyer skirts rides up just so and I get a peak at those incredible legs."

Alexis cast her eyes down in embarrassment. He tilted her chin up and his other hand grasped hers. "The way I found myself thinking about you all the time...about the things you do for me that you don't have to. The times you've stood up for me against even your own family. How many fights I've had with Carly over you. The way I just want to take you and hold onto you and never let anyone ever hurt you or cause you pain." He laced his fingers through hers. "I started to ask myself what all of it meant and then I realized...no I admitted that it was because I love you." He touched his forehead to hers. "I fell in love with you Alexis. Let me prove it to you."

His nose was barely touching hers, his breath tickled her face and his eyes were less than an inch from hers and all she could see in them was sincerity. "I...I'm afraid," she said breathlessly.

"Of what?"

"You and I could never have a conventional relationship Sonny." She said and stepped back away from him. "We could never walk down the street hand in hand or sit at the PC Grille and gaze at each other over a candle lit dinner."

"Why not?"

Alexis closed her eyes. "Because of who we both are."

Sonny absently scratched his forehead. "And who are we besides two people who are in love with each other?"

She stared at him for a minute, clearly aware that what she was about to say would hurt him. "Because you're a criminal and I'm a lawyer. I have spent years honing my profession and becoming what I am in that profession. I'm respected and I've worked hard to get that respect." She threw up her hands. "I would lose everything, my career, my friends and possibly even the small amount of family members I have left."

The look on Sonny's face nearly broke her heart and sent a wave of guilt through her body as she stared at his quivering lips. He actually looked like he was going to cry.

Finally he shook his head. "So that's that. I'm not good enough for the lawyer princess."

Alexis bit her lip. "No, that's not what I mean. Don't you think that it would be difficult for you as well? You would have a life long, never ending battle with Carly over this. She would pull every trick in the book to take Michael away. You would lose me as your lawyer...I couldn't ethically represent you."

Sonny moved around the apartment like a caged tiger. "No. You know as well as I do that I wouldn't care about any of that." He wheeled around and pointed at her. "You're embarrassed of me."

Alexis shook her head vigorously. "No."

"Yes, yes you are," he said angrily.

"Sonny haven't I defended you to everyone and anyone? How many arguments have I had with Jax and Ned." She pointed over toward the door. "You heard one of them this morning. Did it sound like I was embarrassed to be your friend?"

"Friend. Friends are okay right? Lovers isn't is that it?"

Lovers...the word frightened her. He wanted to be her lover? She shook her head again. "What do you visualize happening here Sonny?"

He winced. "I thought you loved me Alexis. Ten minutes ago I asked you if what your sister was true and you said yes."

"That doesn't mean that we get fairytale ending out of that."

Sonny threw up his hands. "Fine then. You know what...just forget I said it okay. Forget that this day ever happened. Go back across the hall and tell your anti-Sonny support group that they win."

"You're not being fair Sonny. This revelation that we opened up to one another today is, at least for me, a shock and I need time to process that."

Sonny nodded fighting to keep his temper in check. "Fine...you do that. Take all the time you need. Just don't expect me to be standing here with open arms when you finally decide what it is you feel for me and how you want to handle it."

"Sonny..."

"I think I need to be alone." He said turning away from her.

Alexis felt like a heel. She didn't even know where this was coming from. This morning she had awakened and was elated that Sonny had kissed her and told her he had feelings for her. Today when he admits that he is indeed in love with her she freaks out.

They stood staring at one another for what seemed hours before Alexis nodded her head. "I'm sorry Sonny," she said quietly as she left the penthouse.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alexis entered her apartment to find Kristina sitting on the couch. They stared at one another for a minute. Kristina's expression was apologetic, Alexis' daring her to say a word.

Kristina stood and folded her arms across her chest. "I'm really sorry?" she said almost questioningly.

Alexis took a deep breath. "I know you are." She rolled her eyes. "What I don't know...what I don't understand is why you try to force the issues with me. You know that I'm always going to rebuff."

"It's not healthy to rebuff."

Alexis pointed at her. "For you...maybe it's not healthy for you, but the way I operate is that I like to mull things over in my head for a long time. I'm not happy unless I've overanalyzed a situation." She shrugged. "It's the lawyer in me."

Kristina nodded. "I'll try to remember that."

"Please do."

Kristina looked at her cautiously. "Ned wanted me to tell you he was sorry he upset you."

Alexis waved a hand and moved further into the room. "Ned can go fly a kite. I'm tired of Ned and his temper tantrums with me."

"He cares about you."

"Then he should let me live my life and not meddle in my affairs...um...friendships with other people."

"Kristina smirked. "I'll talk to him."

"Thank you."

Alexis headed for the kitchen to get something to drink when Kristina's voice stopped her. "So what did you and Sonny do in his apartment all day?"

Alexis stopped in her tracks. She cocked her head and smiled. Slowly she turned around and raised an eyebrow at her sister. "You think you're so very clever."

"No, I can just read your expressions, and when Sonny mentioned your meeting, you had no idea what he was talking about." She laughed. "You're not a very good actress."

Alexis stood with her mouth hanging open. "Fine," she said as she moved to the couch. "You caught me. Sonny and I were across the hall all day making mad passionate love."

Kristina clapped her hands together. "Well hurray for you," she said triumphantly.

Alexis rolled her eyes. "Kristina, you know that's not true. I was kidding."

Kristina moved to the couch and sat cross-legged facing her sister. "Why are you so afraid of me knowing that you and Sonny have feelings for one another?"

Alexis leaned closer to her. "Because you'll blab that to everyone who will listen and soon enough I'll have a line of nay sayers at my door a mile long telling me what a huge mistake I'm making."

Kristina's face brightened. "So, did you just admit something without actually saying it?"

Alexis breathed deep. "Kristina, why can’t you just let things be?" She closed her eyes. "Things between Sonny and me are complicated at best." She opened her eyes and shrugged. "At the moment, he's not very happy with me and I don’t know how to fix it."

"Why don't you tell me about it," Kristina prodded carefully.

Alexis looked at her for a moment and bit her lip in contemplation. Is this really something that she wanted to share with her sister? She shifted uncomfortably and looked at Kristina. "When I went to Sonny's place earlier we ate breakfast, hung out, did some paper work and then we had a nice long chat about that kiss you witnessed last night."

"And?"

Alexis sighed and stood up. "And it didn't go very well," she said as she headed for the stairs.

Kristina stood up. "Wait...that's it? It didn't go very well is all I get?"

Alexis continued her journey up the stairs, but waved her hand over her shoulder. "That's it," she said with finality as she disappeared from sight.

part 5