The Flower Series
by Sue

December - Epilogue

I didn't see Sonny for almost three weeks after he went home and left me, engagement ring in hand, on KD's first birthday. First he had business in Puerto Rico, then South America, after that it seemed like a whirlwind world tour and I lost track. Early on he had Johnny deliver one of the new picture cell phones and he called several times every day, sang lullabies to KD, and told me how much he missed and loved us but it still didn't fill the void his presence left in our lives.

December first, KD took her first step and I was all over the phone trying to get to him so he could see. He was in a meeting with some bigwigs somewhere and like the proud daddy he was, he stopped everything and had everyone look at his daughter's first steps; Michael 'Sonny' Corinthos - big bad businessman turned to jello by a little girl.

In his absence I thought a lot about that ring, about the words he said, the promises he made. I had ached to hear those words spoken for so long, and yet I had no idea why I didn't jump at them - why three weeks later, I was still holding tightly onto his ring and even tighter to my heart. Regardless, life went on, and there were bills to pay so I buried myself in work, but one day when business was slow I wandered across the hall into my buddy's chamber and plopped down in the chair.

"What's up kiddo?" Cameron was used to being my sounding board by then. My semi-frequent unannounced entries into his office followed by my plopping down in his overstuffed chair always signaled my need to get something off my chest.

"It's Sonny"

"What about him?"

I reached into my jacket pocket and took out the ring. I probably should have known that since I carried it with me everywhere, that meant something, but I didn't. Opening the box I leaned forward and wordlessly placed it on Cameron's desk.

"Mercy! That's some serious crystalline allotrope of carbon. I take the fact that it's in the box and not on your finger, you've yet to answer in the affirmative?"

"He hasn't asked."

"Right. Un huh. He gave you a ninety jillion dollar diamond ring but hasn't proposed."

"The ring is his promise."

Cameron's eyebrows came together as he wrinkled his forehead. "Promise?"

Suddenly it all came gushing out. "Cameron, I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it. I don't know what I'm thinking or feeling or anything. He told me he wanted to marry me and this was proof, but he wasn't going to ask until I was ready for him to ask, and I don't know what I want. But I'm supposed to keep the ring until I figure it out and then he said he'd know but how can he know if I don't know and how can I know if I'm so confused?"

"That's a mouthful. OK, let me ask something - do you love him?"

"Of course I do."

"Can you imagine the rest of your life without him?"

"Absolutely not. No. No way."

"So...?"

"I don't know. Why isn't it simple? Why is there always this marriage thing to deal with? Why can't two people just be? Why is it more permanent when you get a license? Why don't I just know he'll always feel this way? Why don't I know I'll forever get excited every time he walks through the door? Neither one of us has a history of decent relationships. How do I know this won't just be another heartbreak for both of us? Why this, why that? How do you know Cameron? You knew once, or thought you did. But it turns out you didn't. How can a person be sure?"

"As far as the need people to have to make it official, you're the attorney. You know the rights a spouse has over anyone else. But as far as the heart goes, Alexis there are no guarantees to anything in life except you're born and you die. Everything in between you have to accept on faith. You say you love Sonny and want to be with him always - how that always happens is where faith comes in. Faith that when you disappoint each other, you'll see past the hurt. Faith that when bad things happen, you'll get thru by leaning on each other. Faith that when things are good you won't take them or each other for granted. Alexis you can't have faith in Sonny or faith in your relationship with him until you have faith in yourself. You have to love and trust yourself completely before you can give yourself to another."

He pontificated on for some time, but everything else was a blur because he hit the nail on the head early. I eventually wandered out of his office and back into mine wondering if I had it in me to do what I had to do. I had to love myself first. No doubt I liked myself, but I was an invention; I created Alexis Davis and I liked the creation but how much was acting a part and how much was the real me? Who exactly was I - the person before Alexis came to be? That seemed to be the area that was causing me problems. I spent the rest of that day and far into the night examining my inner being.

As Dr. Seuss so succinctly put it "oh the thinks you can think." I thought them all from my earliest recollections of the beauty and safety that was my mother to the horrors of living as Alexandra Davidovich, poor cousin to the evil Cassadine's. There had been three men in my life, my college beau, Ned, and Sonny, and I went through all three relationships with a fine tooth comb. I twisted my psyche this way and that way and no matter what I did or how I approached it, I kept coming to the same inevitable conclusion. I put off formally making the decision for a few more days, then out of the blue late this afternoon I forced myself to face facts. Once I did that, I called a colleague to draw up a document, picked it up, went home, gave the nanny the night off, grabbed KD and soon found myself knocking on the door to PH4. Sonny answered and as we stood there looking at each other, fear evident in both our faces, KD broke the silence as she held out her arms and leaned towards her father.

"Da-da-da-da-da-da-da."

Sonny broke into a first class grin as he grabbed our daughter from my arms cooing, "Da-da-da-da-da-da-da's right here pumpkin. I'm Da-da-da-da-da-da-da."

I followed them into the living room, closing the door behind me, all but forgotten in the father/daughter love fest that was going on as she grabbed his nose and kept repeating Sonny's monosyllabic word of joy. Any momentum I had when I knocked on the door was lost. Courage to do what had to be done was standing somewhere in the hallway. Eventually Sonny took the time to look up at me and grinning asked how long she had been saying da-da.

"First time ever - right here, right now."

"Really? Then she really understands that I'm her daddy." I thought Sonny's dimples would meet in the middle of his mouth. "So if you didn't come here to to show off her new word...?" Sonny couldn't ask the question I was having a hard time answering.

The butterflies in my stomach started jitterbugging. "I came because..." my fist clenched the envelope in my hand, nearly crumpling it as I tried hard not to turn tail and run.

"Because what??"

How could I do this? I began to pace, muttering under my breath and I could see that Sonny was beginning to pick up bad vibes from my nervousness. Suddenly I just thrust my arm out, handed him the crumpled, sweaty envelope and watched him turn it over and over as if looking for a clue.

"Go ahead - open it - it won't bite."

He put KD on the floor and carefully and with great precision, took the piece of paper out and read the document - a petition to formally change KD's name to Kristina Adela Davis Corinthos. For once, Sonny was speechless, but the tears forming in his eyes told me all I needed to know.

I thrust my empty hands in my pockets for control and as my left hand hit the ring box I had brought along, I began to regain the courage to do what it was I had come over to do. My fingers curled around the velvet-covered box as Sonny looked straight at me into my eyes, clear thru to my soul. He knew what I was saying. He knew what was in my heart. What I was having such a difficult time verbalizing. Quietly he nodded back to the kitchen and asked, "You two wanna stay for dinner? Nothing fancy, but I've got enough."

This was it - my break - my out. He knew, I knew, all I had to do was do it. I bit my lip and pulled the ring out of my pocket and held it out to Sonny.

"Only if we're still here for breakfast."

We both cried as he placed the ring on my finger.

THE END!