The Flower Series
by Sue

March - White Violets

After Sonny left, I stood against the door for a long time before I realized that we had never talked about Carly and Ned or what we were going to do about our past relationship (and current daughter) becoming public knowledge. Oh well - now that the big stuff was out of the way, those seemed like minor details.

That visit let us fall into a rather comfortable routine - Sonny would show up around eight every morning with coffee and a bag of groceries from which would come the most incredible breakfasts; Peppered bacon, yeast waffles, eggs benedict, banana stuffed French toast with orange syrup. Every morning I would wake up anxiously awaiting eight and you could tell that KD started looking forward to his visits too - the minute he would knock on the door she would start wiggling her little arms and legs and as he came into view she would spout the most adorable toothless grin. I just couldn't imagine teeth in that mouth - they would ruin everything.

Sonny and I began to talk about things that had happened while we were at odds with each other. Back in January when Sonny had told Carly to leave, she had gone straight to Ned hoping to hook up and hatch a plan where they both got what they wanted, only what they got was each other. It might have been hard to believe, but yet it was so easy to understand. Who else to understand a narcissist but another one? Who else to give you the constant reassurances you need if not someone who needs the same? Still it seemed very strange, but as long as they remained thousands of miles away, I wished them well.

I must admit, I was enjoying Sonny's company again and he clearly adored our little girl. It was almost as if most of the past year had never happened. We continued on with our little dance, which somehow was made more comfortable by the fact we knew what might be waiting if the music changed tempo. For the moment though, we both seemed content to dance at arm's length. We were a happy little non-family family.

Within a few days of the gossip column article, we were yesterday's news and the phone calls stopped, as did the stares in the grocery store or Kelly's. But oh, the looks we got the first time as a threesome we went out in public. Not out so to speak, but KD was due for her four month shots and I asked Sonny if he'd like to come along. So there we were walking into the pediatrician's office with KD in her carrier, and Sonny carrying a Baby Mickey and Minnie diaper bag. I should have thought to have Johnny lag behind and take pictures - it was that funny - Mr. Mob Boss and a diaper bag. From the parking lot thru the lobby, into the elevator, we were the object of stolen glances, sidelong stares, and one older man's 'tsk, tsk, tsk.' Once inside the doctor's office, however, everyone was so involved with their own children no one seemed to notice until KD's name was called. Twenty heads popped up and swiveled as the mobster, his lawyer/lover and their daughter gathered up their gear for the trek back to the examining room.

Sonny was a riot all thru the routine exam. The questions he asked the pediatrician were so typical - what should we do if the shot gave her a fever? Is she eating enough? When should she start solids? How many bm's per day were normal? The guy was a complete and utter hoot. My personal favorite he asked was why were they given immunizations using actual shots of the thing they were being immunized against - wouldn't they get what they were being protected from? I bit my tongue and kept quiet. Damn he was adorable in daddy-mode! When KD let out the scream when the nurse put the needle in her leg, I thought Sonny was going to cry himself. When it was all over the nurse brought him a sucker for being such a good boy. That part is going into KD's baby book.

We parted company in the parking lot - he had a meeting and I needed to get Little Bit home and fed. Pulling into the lot I saw the now all too familiar sight - the truck from the florist. Sighing heavily I unbuckled KD from her car seat, grabbed my purse and diaper bag, and headed towards who knew what. I passed the delivery fellow in the lobby. He was alone and I must admit I was a little disappointed. Getting off the elevator and rounding the corner all I saw was a small box on my doorstep. After two enormous deliveries, my disappointment at receiving one tiny box was hard to swallow. I opened the door and left a sleeping KD in her carrier, setting her gently on the floor next to the couch. Then I walked back to the open door, picked up the small white box and opened it. Inside was a nosegay of white violets. They were exquisite.

I looked for a card, a letter, a note, a piece of paper - anything. Only the nosegay was in the box. Perplexed, I called the florist thinking maybe the card had been misplaced or lost and he told me there had been nothing to include. I was at a loss; both other deliveries came with a note and the meaning of the flowers - why not this one? KD was still sleeping past her lunchtime, so I quickly got on the Internet and found a site about flowers and their meanings, located violets and what I read set my unwilling heart to beating faster.

Violets meant faithfulness - white violets meant 'let's take a chance on happiness.'

I tried to tell myself it was far too soon but I was falling all over again. I had to hold steady, keep my wits, and resist all efforts. I did not need him. KD did because she was just a baby but I did NOT need him. Well, I may not have needed him, but I sure did want him; I was setting myself up for heartbreak and needed to get a grip. Fortunately KD remembered our deal and woke up starving and with filled diapers. For a while I forgot all about him.

I had gotten smart after the initial phone call barrage of the previous month and had changed the regular apartment phone for one with caller ID. The advantages were twofold - I could ignore any numbers I didn't recognize as well as those I did. I ignored Sonny's calls for almost a week, which really wasn't fair to him or the baby, but I couldn't help myself. When I knew he'd be out, I'd call the penthouse and chattily tell him that KD and I were fine, sorry I missed him yada, yada, yada. Actually I was helping myself by not trusting my brain to overpower my heart. When in doubt - deny. When confronted - change the subject. Whenever possible - run; I was participating in the marathon of all marathons.

March was coming to a close like the proverbial lion with the threat of a true Nor'easter; the weather forecasters were up in arms about impending doom in the guise of a possible two feet of snow in the next 48 hours. It made me tired just thinking about it. When the actual warnings were issued and the storm was due to start in a few hours, I sat down and made a list of things the two of us would need if we were cut off snowbound a couple of days. When that was completed, I got KD's snowsuit out of the closet and started to try and get her in it. That girl! She wiggled and fussed, twisted and rolled over. If she were this hard to dress at four months, how impossible would it be when she became mobile? I erased all such ugly thoughts from my mind and forged ahead when the phone rang. Without thinking I picked it up. Guess who?

"Alexis Davis."

""Finally we meet."

"Sonny. Hey."

"How's our baby girl?"

"I'm fine thank you. KD is also doing well."

"Sorry. KD is just so little and sweet and..."

"So that makes me un-sweet and not little?" I could tell he was getting flustered and I meant to have me some fun.

"Alexis, what I mean is that I'm just so smitten with KD and have this...."

Could the guy have handed me a better opening? "I figured out the violets, Sonny So what you're saying is you want me to take a chance on a guy who just wants me for my baby? I don't think so. I owe myself and my daughter more than that, so thanks, but no thanks."

"Alexis will you just wait a minute? What I'm trying to say is that I want you both in my life. You're both a part of me, but KD is the newest part, and the part that has no say in her little life, so of course I'm going to ask about our daughter first."

"Nice save there bucko. Thought I'd have to drop the phone again to get some attention. And Sonny - never be ashamed about putting our baby girl first. That's where she belongs."

"You're a close second you know."

"I am?"

"Yup. I almost forgot - it looks like that snowstorm is really going to happen. How are my two favorite women set for supplies?"

"I was getting KD suited up when you called. We need to get a few things just in case."

"Tell you what - I was just heading out - what say I pick the two of you up and we can shop together?"

So we did, and it was an eye opening expedition. I thought I knew Sonny the man, but I soon figured out that I had no clue. First stop was the discount store where I usually go to get diapers, baby wipes, and the like. The man discussed the pros and cons of various brands with me as I took items off the shelves and put them in the basket. The scary part was that he knew the products inside and out; better than I did in fact. Fortunately for him he didn't try to pull off the I'm the man I'll pay shtick except where he insisted on a higher price brand he felt was better for KD. Of course, I paid anyway. Next up was the grocery store and I will fully concede that I gave him full rein except for the popcorn aisle and even then he made a suggestion I had to agree with; it was fully possible power could go out, so we added some Jiffy pop in the little tin tray so if need be I could get my fix from the fireplace without having a bag burn up. The man was nothing short of amazing. We were only in the grocery store for an hour or so, but we emerged into a winter wonderland - big, wet, fluffy flakes were falling and there was almost an inch on the ground already. Fortunately the wind had not yet started so we made couple of more quick stops picking up dry cleaning and extra candles to go with the matches he had added to the grocery cart.

It was on the way home when I realized that all the food he purchased required actual recipes and cooking skills I did not have. He obviously was planning on staying through the storm. I bit my lip and tried to curb my anger as we made our way through the slick streets and one last stop at an army surplus store. While he went in I took the opportunity to nurse KD since it was a little past her lunch. The storm worsened around us, and the wind was beginning to rock the vehicle when Sonny emerged with a large box, put it in the back and climbed into the drivers seat. After five minutes of driving in silence except for the howl of the wind, curiosity got the better of me.

"What's in the box?"

"Camping gear."

"Why on God's green earth did you stop in this weather to get camping gear?"

"Look around you Alexis - I told you that power very well might go out. How do you plan on eating and keeping KD warm if it does?"

So he had a point. "What did you buy?"

"Sleeping bags, flashlights, batteries, pots and pans we can use in the fireplace. That kind of stuff."

OK. The man was a survivor whereas I'd be voted off the island as the weakest link. He could stay with us, but I made up my mind that he had better be damned serious when he said sleeping bags - as in plural - as in more than one - as in separate sleeping quarters. We made it back to my apartment and he unloaded the gear as I took a now sleeping KD to her crib and started to put away the multitude of groceries. I heard the door close and the deadbolt latch; the butterflies were having a hoedown in my stomach. More than likely, we were going to be together, in this apartment, snowed in, for several days - God help me and my hormone-induced urgings. Sonny busied himself with unpacking the survival gear and left me alone in the kitchen, which considering how I was feeling at the moment left me profoundly grateful.

After a while he came in and quietly put some coffee on to brew. Standing with his back to the counter, he gripped the chair in front of him. "Alexis, I don't want you to think I'm being presumptuous in staying here. If it gets bad enough the power goes out, the driving will obviously be treacherous and I might not be able to make it back. I know you can nuke frozen foods and leftovers from take-out, but what happens if the worst happens, huh? If you don't get the proper nutrition, you can't feed KD properly, and you both get sick. I'm doing this because I care about you both."

I couldn't turn to face him, so I kept busy washing the fruit he had purchased. "I know, Sonny. You're more than welcome to stay here."

There was silence for a moment before he spoke again, his voice taking on a more lilting tone. "Of course, there's always the chance that several days of my constant charm in close quarters could wear you down."

I had to laugh at him. "Quit while you're ahead buster. I'm an independent woman of independent means. I cannot be charmed or worn down, so you might as well forget it."

"I don't for a minute, but I do know certain weaknesses of yours and if push comes to shove, I'm not above using dirty means to get what I want."

I spoke without thinking and as soon as the words were out of my mouth I was drop kicking my brain across the floor. "And just what is it you want?" I heard him softly move across the kitchen a mere split second before I felt his body behind me and his breath on the back of my neck.

"You - our daughter - the three of us living happily ever after. Let's take a chance on us, Alexis." He spun me around to face him - eye-to-eye, nose-to-nose, lips a hair's breadth apart. We stood like that for what seemed like hours, neither of us moving, talking, touching, or breathing. Looking into his eyes I think I learned more about him in that moment than I had garnered in years of knowing him. He meant it. Really truly meant it. I saw want, need, lust, passion, tenderness, and love in those seconds. It was true, and I couldn't deny it any longer. He loved me.

While I was looking into his soul thru his eyes, he was looking into the panic in mine. Sonny closed his eyes as he sighed, then gently leaned forward and planted the softest of sweat feathery kisses on my forehead.

"I'm not going to push, Alexis. You're in the driver's seat and we go wherever you want to go at the speed you want to drive. I'll wait as long as it takes. You're more than worth waiting for."

He turned and went into the living room, leaving me melting into a big puddle of mushy goo. It was going to be a long snowstorm.

The rest of the day and evening were uneventful and surprisingly, I wasn't at all nervous. We fell into an easy banter much like the two old friends we had spent years becoming. Sonny spent hours playing with the baby, blowing on her belly, pretending to eat her little fingers and toes, playing flying baby as he whisked her high over his head. She clearly adored his attention. Around seven I felt myself becoming full and knowing that KD's feeding time was near, suddenly had an idea. Excusing myself to my room I used the pump and expressed her dinner and placed it into a bottle. Walking out into the living room I handed it to Sonny. "Here Pops, fresh from the source. Care to feed your little girl?" He was a natural, a fact explained away as there were always multiple babies at a Cerullo gathering when he was growing up and everyone was pressed into service. I thought KD might fuss at no having mom, but with her Daddy holding her, she was as content as if she were latched onto me. I had been intensely jealous in the hospital when I would walk in and finding a nurse feeding my baby, but there were none of those feelings watching Sonny do it. It was right.

When she had emptied the bottle he handed her over to me so he could go start our dinner. As I rocked our daughter to the smells and sounds of Sonny's food preparations, I realized I could get used to this. I kept waiting for my brain to do the Lost In Space "danger Will Robinson, danger" bit, but it never did. How was I ever going to survive if my brain was playing along with my heart?

I changed KD, put her into her nuggie little terrycloth jammies and put her to bed. We made it thru dinner and took coffee out into the living room to look out the balcony window and watch the snow pile up. We didn't need to talk - the silent contentment we both felt was more telling than mere words could ever express. I don't know when I fell asleep in the chair, but around 2 I woke up, covered with a blanket from the closet. Sonny was nowhere to be seen. Panic momentarily gripped me until I passed the guest room door and heard snores. I checked on KD and then turned in myself. That night I dreamed the sweetest of dreams.

part 04