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Drunken Man's Words chapter 10 Alexis
pulled her satin robe close around her. Using the cuff of one sleeve,
she dried the tears from her cheeks, trying to pull herself back
together as she heard Beau re-enter the room. Settling back beside
her on the couch, Beau set two steaming cups of coffee on the table
before them. Alexis nodded, never raising her gaze from her lap, where her fingers tangled nervously with the sash to her robe. Beau leaned back on the cushions and watched. He wasn't quite sure what to say. Regret was the last thing he'd expected to see Alexis dealing with considering the sounds he'd heard in those moments when the activity in the bedroom rivaled the force of the storm outside. Beau reached over and brushed Alexis' hair back from her tear-stained face. Figuring that the best way to proceed was head-on, he dove in with a direct question. "Why was last night such a mistake, Alexis?" Alexis shrugged. "I don't know," she began. "You do so, know." Beau's voice was warm, but challenging. "Tell me why," he coaxed. "It's. . .complicated," Alexis sighed after a pause. This time it was Beau who shrugged. "So take your time," he replied, reaching for one of the cups of coffee. "Sonny. . .Sonny and I will never work," she said simply. "Why?" "We're too, too, different." "Opposites attract, right?" Beau replied. "We aren't truly opposite. Well, in some ways we are but in other ways we're too much alike," Alexis rambled. Beau nodded and waited, allowing the silence to prompt Alexis to continue. "Okay, you want a list? I can give you a list. For one thing, Sonny has a life style that I could never live. I'm not just talking about innocuous stuff like being a nightowl or being overly compulsive about neatness. I'm talking serious differences in values and morals. Not all values, but. . .well, there are very good reasons why he needs my legal services so often. And I can't live like that. It's one thing to have a friend who approaches life so differently from yourself, it's quite another to join your life with someone who does some big things in a way you can't respect." "So, you don't see a future with you and Sonny in a rose covered cottage with a picket fence," Beau said, bluntly. "That's a pretty straight-forward way of putting it," Alexis nodded. "Do you WANT a future with ANYONE in a rose covered cottage with a picket fence?" Beau challenged her. Alexis shrugged. "I'm afraid I'll never be the marrying type," she confessed. "So what's the problem? Is Sonny pushing marriage?" Alexis laughed bitterly. "He doesn't have to. He's still got a semi-marriage going on with his ex-wife." "And that would be number two on the list of why you and Sonny would never work together." Alexis nodded again. "I'm not Sonny's type of woman," she answered sadly. "I see. Sonny isn't attracted to sexy, smart, beautiful, feisty, independent women," Beau teased in mock seriousness. Alexis blushed at the compliment. "I am a. . .a diversion for Sonny. Kind of like an interesting new toy, I think. Sonny's women are wild, young impetuous things who fill his life with drama. It isn't exactly healthy, but I guess it's exciting for him. Me? I'm just the strait laced librarian type that he can unlace, and then congratulate himself on possessing a manhood hot enough to melt even someone as icy as me." "Wow," Beau marveled. "You must suck in court." Alexis' head snapped up, fire in her eyes. "What the hell does that mean?" she demanded. "It means, I don't see how you function professionally with such a lack of self-confidence," Beau shot back, instinctively understanding that Alexis would respond more fully to confrontation than coddling. She had fire in her, fire she needed to appreciate a bit more. "I am perfectly confident in my abilities as an attorney," Alexis snapped. "But none in your worth as a woman," Beau retorted. "Congratulations," Alexis replied, stung, "you just uncovered number three on my list." "Forget the list, Alexis," Beau answered her. "You could spout a thousand reasons why you think that a romance between you and Sonny wouldn't work, but they can probably all be summed up by simply admitting that you're scared of being hurt by not getting something you want." "But I don't want. . ." "If you didn't want it, you wouldn't be scared." "But I shouldn't want. . ." "Why? Because it's risky? Because it doesn't make sense? Because you can't plan the outcome with the odds in your favor? Come on, Alexis, that's how real life operates." Alexis bowed her head and dropped her gaze back to her lap, hiding the tears that welled up in her eyes. He just didn't understand, she thought. Beau watched, his demeanor softening as he noted the tears gently falling into her lap. "You ever think about the people who came from Europe to settle in this land, Alexis?" Alexis looked up, confusion clearly written across her face. Beau continued. "Once in a while, when I'm on the beach I look out on the ocean and I think about them, coming here hundreds of years ago on tiny wooden ships no bigger than the ferry we took to Ocracoke. They packed up supplies for months at sea and set sail to cross thousands of miles of ocean with no way of knowing what they were sailing into. They couldn't track storms. They couldn't call the Coast Guard. There was no one to radio for help. And they didn't know what kinds of dangers they would face if they made it across the sea. They had to be ready to fend for themselves far away from their own civilization, in a place where they had nothing and no one to rescue them." "I can't imagine being that brave," Alexis whispered. "They probably didn't see themselves as brave, Alexis. I think back then people understood better than we do that life has no guarantees. We're able to control so much with science and technology nowadays that I think we forget that basically our whole journey through this world is a huge crapshoot. Those people knew how uncertain the future was. They wanted more than they could get from the restrictive lives they were leading, and so they gambled, figuring they had little to lose." "I'm not much of a gambler," Alexis persisted. Beau smiled softly. "I'm disappointed. All this time I thought lawyering was a lot like a good game of poker." Alexis laughed softly, "You do have a point," she conceded. "But when it comes to my personal life, it's a lot harder. With Sonny, all I can think about is that there is no future there." "So enjoy the present, Alexis. Take what you can get today. There are no guarantees there will even be a tomorrow." "But if I let my heart get all involved. . ." "Too late," Beau noted. "I can't start something knowing that it's going to have to end. It would just be too painful." "Are you sorry you took this trip, Alexis?" Beau asked. "Do you EVER stay on topic?" Alexis deflected. "Answer the question. Are you sorry you took this trip?" "No, of course not." "Even after riding out a hurricane on a tiny barrier island?" "It was exciting," Alexis admitted. "Did you know when you took off from Port Charles that you would end up down here?" "No. . ." "But you've enjoyed it?" "Hatteras? I love it," she replied. "Are you staying?" Alexis looked surprised. "No, of course not. I'm going home eventually. . ." "So why aren't you sorry you took this trip?" Beau pressed. "I don't understand. . ." "Let me lay it out for you. You took off from your regular, predictable life not knowing where you'd end up or what you'd face. Some great things happened," Beau reached over and scratched Quincy's sleeping head propped up on Alexis' leg. "But you had some close calls too. You ended up finding a place you love, but you're not going to spend your life here. It all sounds pretty risky and a little bittersweet, and a lot like something you'd regret." "How could I regret meeting you? Or finding Quincy?" she began. "But the trip has to end. I won't be in your life every day. And loving Quincy will only get you hurt, because he won't live forever. If you can appreciate this trip for the experiences it gave you and the memories it leaves you, why can't you do the same with whatever you might have with Sonny?" "It's not exactly the same," Alexis began to protest. Beau shrugged. "But maybe it's close enough," he replied as he stood from the couch and turned toward the kitchen. "I'm making some breakfast. Go get dressed. And take the clothes on the table in for Sonny," he called back over his shoulder. Alexis sat stunned on the couch for a few seconds. So many thoughts were racing through her head, she couldn't process what to do next. Then slowly, automatically, she rose from the couch and did just as Beau had instructed her. ******** "Smells good." Beau turned around and smiled at Sonny. "Thanks." Then nodding toward the dune line, "Alexis is out on the beach with her dog." Nodding, Sonny stepped through the sliding glass doors, now free of their protective plywood covering, and onto the deck where Beau worked at putting together breakfast over the charcoal grill. Sonny crossed the deck to lean against the railing. He wore Beau's navy blue sweat pants with the waist riding low on his hips. The legs were a little long, but the elastic in the cuffs at least kept them at his ankles. He'd slipped on Beau's shirt as well, rolling the sleeves mid-way up his forearms and leaving the front unbuttoned. And his feet were bare, thanks to the damage done by the rain and flood waters to his imported Italian shoes. It was a kind of casual he hadn't experienced in a long time, and to be honest it felt a bit good. "Hey, um, I wanted to, you know, apologize for last night," Sonny stammered. "Last night?" Beau asked, confused. "Yeah. I had the wrong idea and I was a little bit rude to you." "Oh," Beau chuckled, "that. I understand. Forget about it." Sonny nodded his head slightly. "I want to say think you, too," he added. "For what?" "I, um, heard what you told Alexis this morning, um, about taking chances and life not having any guarantees," Sonny replied. "Oh, so you heard. . .everything, I gather?" Again Sonny nodded. "Alexis has it all wrong," Sonny asserted. "Well, not all of it. There are some differences between our lives that would complicate a long-term relationship, maybe complicate it too much. I don't know. But the other stuff, she was wrong about the rest of it." "Such as?" Beau prompted. "Carly." "That would be the ex-missus-Corinthos, I take it?" "Yeah. There isn't anything there, not in the way that Alexis thinks there is. I feel responsible to keep her and my stepson safe. I live a dangerous life, and that means danger to anyone who gets close to me. Even though our marriage is over, and needed to be over, I can't let either of them get hurt because someone might think they can be used to get to me. But that's it. Carly was never right for me. I tried to make it be right because I thought it was my last chance to have a family. And maybe it was my last chance. But I can't pretend something is okay when it isn't - not even to have a family. If it isn't real, it isn't worth it." Beau nodded. "And Alexis was wrong about what she means to me, too," Sonny continued. "I've lived a very self-destructive life. The closest I've ever come to doing something really right is my friendship with Alexis. I never told her when my feelings started changing, but only because I know she deserves a lot better than me." "I see," Beau remarked. "So you were being noble?" Sonny shrugged. "Trying to be, I guess. Or maybe just being a coward. I didn't want to risk losing our friendship trying to get a romance that I didn't think I deserved with her in the first place." Beau nodded again. "I wasn't very noble a couple of weeks ago though," Sonny admitted. "Alexis was out with one of those men she deserves, and I was alone, lonely and jealous. I got myself good and drunk, and when she came home from her date I insulted her." "Ouch," Beau winced. "And that's why she left Port Charles?" "Probably not entirely. After I got her angry enough to slap me, I, um, kissed her. It was the first she knew of my feelings for her, and not the nicest way for her to find out." "Hmm…" "Next day I didn't remember what I'd done, but I knew I upset her. Before I could find out what had happened, she took off. She lost her guards and just disappeared." "Her guards?" Beau asked in disbelief. "I told you, my business is dangerous. I had guards on Alexis to protect her. But then I took advantage of the situation to keep tabs on where she was and who she was with. It made me feel like I was part of her life, I guess. And," Sonny shot Beau a devilish grin, "it made it a hell of a lot easier to 'accidentally' run into her all over town." "But she eluded your guards and disappeared from Port Charles. And you've been searching for her ever since?" Sonny nodded. Beau laughed and shook his head. "Man, you got it baaaaaad." "Or he's the most arrogant and controlling man on the planet and can't stand when things don't go his way." Alexis' voice came to them from the path leading up toward the deck, causing both men to turn toward her in surprise.
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