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Crack in the Mirror chapter 4 - His Sessions - Two “I was surprised to see you back so soon,” Dr. Winters told Ric frankly. “Most patients prefer a little time to reflect on prior sessions before they schedule a follow-up visit.” Seated nervously in the chair to her right, Ric toyed with a frayed string on his faded Levi’s and shrugged. “Doctor, all I have these days is time. And believe me, I’ve thought of little else since our last session.” “Therapy can be thought consuming, “ she allowed. “I just don’t want you to expect too much too soon, that’s all.” “I’ll try to keep that in mind.” They sat a moment in silence as Louise watched Ric anxiously bouncing his right knee up and down in a staccato-like fashion resembling a human metronome set on high. His eyes followed hers and he shifted in his chair keenly aware he was being observed. Suddenly he sat back in the chair and crossed his right ankle over his left knee, resuming the impatient rhythm with the other leg. “You seem agitated,” Louise observed. “More like medicated,” he chortled. “I didn’t sleep well last night so I guess I overindulged on the coffee at Kelly’s this morning.” “Ah, that explains it! Well, try your best to relax. All that caffeine might make it hard to focus on the issues at hand.” “Specifically what issues?” “We talked about some significant things yesterday Ric. Like your father, for instance, and if you saw yourself in him.” “So we’re starting with Trevor,” he rubbed the back of his neck tensely. “Only if you’re ready to talk about him.” “Okay, “ Ric conceded. “The answer is ‘no’ and ‘maybe’.” She stared at him expectantly. “I know, I know! Elaborate, right? ” Ric jumped up and assumed the stance of an attorney getting ready to deliver opening arguments in a case, one hand resting on his hip, the other prone and ready to embrace his first gesture. “I don’t consider myself to be at all like my father. If anything, Trevor was an excellent example of how not to be. Although one could never deny his success in business, his personal life as far back as I can remember was in a state of utter failure.” “What constitutes a successful personal life?” Louise prodded him. Ric thought a minute, tight lipped, and then took a resolute breath. “Identifying your values and sticking to them. If you’re lucky, finding someone who shares those values and hopefully sharing a life together. Putting your priorities in order and executing your life in adherence to that order.” “Sounds pretty structured,” she commented. “And as if you’ve been thinking about this for some time now.” “More like idealistic,” he laughed. “And I’ve been thinking about it all my life. What it comes down to is having the desire to be loved and have the ability to love back unconditionally.” “That sounds plausible,” Louise approved. “But it’s still idealistic,” he argued. “How so?” “Because relationships – love – always comes with conditions. With Elizabeth, I was forced to lie down and let Sonny get away with whatever he wanted in order to prove to her that I overcame my issues with him. With Alexis, it’s ‘don’t let Sonny win’ no matter what we have to do to defeat him.” Dr. Winters penned a few notes and looked at Ric, who was carefully examining his clasped hands, nervously rubbing his thumb over the top of taught knuckles. She could feel his tension and furrowed her brow in concern. “I find the common denominator in both of your marriages unsettling. It seems that, in both cases, the contentious factor is the same.” “You mean Sonny?” he asked. “Yeah, well for a man who wasn’t even in my life until recently he certainly seems to have a huge impact on it.” “Why?” Ric shrugged. “Because he was an unknown variable, yet he fit squarely into the equation that blew apart my family. If it were not for Sonny, I would probably have some semblance of a normal home and family life.” “I question how you can be so sure.” Louise challenged. “Because my father repeatedly told me so.” “And you chose to believe him.” “I wanted to. What kid wouldn’t want to believe that their dad was telling them the truth?” “Do you believe him now?” “No. The more I observe Sonny, the more I see parts of myself; the remnants of a frightened little boy who craved the attention of a parent who seemingly abandoned him. In my case it was Adela and in his case, it was his father, Mike. We both suffered in our own ways.” Louise found Ric’s willingness to recognize some sort of common ground between he and his older brother indicative of real progress. What intrigued her most was that his ability to fall in love with Alexis actually seemed to perpetuate his re-evaluation of his relationship with Sonny and break free from the preconceptions that haunted him in the past. Hugging her notebook to her chest, she leaned forward engaging his eyes and tried to hide her excitement at this latest revelation. “You said in our last session that you initially came to Port Charles to exact revenge on your brother. I take it that you have resolved your issues with him?” Sighing, Ric relaxed his hands’ vice like grip and scratched the back of his head. “I don’t know if I’d use the word ‘resolved’, but we’ve come a long way. At least Sonny acknowledges me as his brother, which is a start.” “That’s important to you,” she stated. “Yes,” he agreed. “Surprisingly, it is.” “More important than the relationship between you and your wife?” Rick flinched and looked at Dr. Winters in disbelief. “I’ll give you this; when you’re blunt, you’re blunt.” “You know the drill all too well counselor,” she snapped back boldly. “When examining a witness on the stand, you ask indirect questions in order to establish background, then when you’ve uncovered certain pertinent information, it’s time to zero in on the direct. In this case, you asked me to help you get ‘your life’ back. I’m simply refocusing our conversation on the objective or what constitutes that life. Moreover, your wife, stepdaughter and child on the way.” “You’d have made a good lawyer,’ he praised overtly dodging the issue. “Your family?” she redirected. “It’s all I ever wanted,” he looked across the room at a tank full of colorful tropical fish and smiled. Ric got up and plunged his hands in his pockets, sauntering over to watch the fish sailing gracefully through the water. “I really thought I’d found it with Elizabeth. She exudes her innate love of motherhood and family. When she got pregnant, I felt like there was finally some sense of purpose to my life. But no nefarious deed goes unpunished and God remembered what I did to Carly.” “The kidnapping.” He sighed and closed his eyes. “Elizabeth miscarried in the beginning of the pregnancy.” “I’m sorry, Ric. That must have been devastating.” Placing his finger on the tank glass, he traced the swim route of a black Oscar, the only fish in the tank devoid of color. “It was my fault. She lost our child after she was pushed down a flight of stairs. At the time and for months afterward, I thought that Sonny was responsible. I learned recently that it was Faith Roscoe’s doing – some sort of twisted act of revenge against me.” “Faith Roscoe?” she asked surprised. “The same woman who kidnapped the Corinthos boys and Kristina?” “One in the same,” he paused not wanting to admit the details out loud. “Coward, Lansing!” he chided himself and took a deep breath. “She and I had a brief affair. It’s something I’m not very proud of but it happened and now I’ve paid the ultimate price for it, twice.” “Twice?” The realization heavy on his shoulders, Ric reached up and idly massaged them. “Because of my involvement with Faith, I lost a child and the life I wanted with Elizabeth. And now once again, because of my actions, Kristina was kidnapped and I’ve lost a shot at a future with Alexis and our child together.” “That’s a pretty heavy load you’re carrying,” Louise pursed her lips critically. “Do either Elizabeth or Alexis blame you for Faith’s actions?” Ric smiled warmly and looked briefly skyward. “This is one place where I’ve been fortunate in my life. Both times, I’ve fallen in love with compassionate, forgiving women. No, Elizabeth doesn’t blame me.” “And Alexis?” “Alexis!” he sighed. “Her daughter was kidnapped by a woman who was hell-bent on bringing me down, then nearly given up for adoption to God knows whom and still Alexis found the grace and conviction to not only forgive me but to try and relieve me of all culpability and guilt. I’ll never forget that.” “So what you’re telling me is that Alexis put you and your feelings first when you felt that she had a justifiable reason to blame you for Kristina’s abduction?” “Yeah,” Ric acknowledged hoarsely, swallowing hard. “That doesn’t sound like a woman who - how did you describe it - puts you ‘a distant third’? It sounds to me like unconditional love and support.” Ric walked over to the window and stared out at the overcast sky then closed his eyes as he was transported back to Alexis’s hospital room after he’d learned that Faith was behind Kristina’s abduction. Feeling her long fingers cradling his face. She forced him to look into her eyes. “You did nothing wrong and neither did I. Faith is blaming you because she is trying to maximize her damage. Don’t let her beat you! Please! I need you too much.” He felt his hand reach up and stroke her beautiful face as the sting of guilt-laden tears threatening his eyes then releasing onto his warm cheeks. “I’m right here.” Ric licked his lips, suddenly aware of their salty flavor indicating that the memory had once again prompted tears to flow. “Ric?” Louise called his name softly. “You’re right,” he confessed audibly just above a whisper. “Alexis wouldn’t let me give into my own self pity.” “What about now?” He turned around and looked quizzically at Dr. Winters, obviously stumped by her question. She stared at her patient intently not allowing him to escape her commanding gaze. “Aren’t you feeling sorry for yourself now? This entire rift between you and Alexis isn’t really about her feelings for you as much as it is about issues that she and Sonny have over the safety of their daughter.” Their daughter. The words stung and Ric winced. Perhaps deep down inside he felt a modicum of jealousy, a tinge of bruised male ego that his wife’s first born was and always would be fathered by another man. Not just any man, but by Sonny, the older brother and Adela’s first born, her chosen one. Maybe on some intrinsic level this was about showing Alexis that he was not going to be satisfied being her second choice as well. Louise watched the progression of expression morph on Ric’s face and could easily see that he was experiencing a vital realization. Satisfied, she let his train of thought roll until he blew out another sigh. “I’ve been an ass, haven’t I?” “I’m not going to answer that,” she said pointedly. “I don’t believe in self deprecation as a solution for anything. I will say, however, that you have definitely opened your mind to embrace different possibilities regarding your choice to end your marriage.” He turned his head to one side and returned to his seat across from her. Now it was his turn to lean forward, propping his elbows on his knees and cupping his chin in his hands eager to listen. Smiling at her enthusiastic audience, Louise set her notebook aside. “At the risk of sounding too clinical, self analysis is always a good first step toward reconciliation. Let’s keep going with that, Ric. By asking Alexis to trust you in your choice to defend Sonny in court, you were putting her to a test of loyalty, which pit you directly against her maternal instinct to protect Kristina.” She continued solemnly. “You’re not a parent yet but you soon will be and I think you will see what an impossible test that was for Alexis to pass. In many ways, it was the same test that your father gave your mother. In both cases, someone was being asked to choose between two people they love.” “Judging by how you speak about Alexis, I can tell that you still love her. Am I right?” Ric smiled warmly and rolled his eyes with renewed spark. “Yes. In spite of everything that happened between us, I still love every frustrating, willful thing about her.” “Therein lies the key,” she shrugged and smiled. “You and Alexis need to meet each other half way and put everything – no matter how difficult or painful it is to face – on the table.” “In theory that’s wonderful,” he said. “But when Alexis feels crossed, threatened or hurt, her first instinct is to run away or avoid the issue. Right now I don’t even think that she is even comfortable speaking to me.” “Leave that to me!” she winked and rose to walk over to the desk. Picking up her appointment book, she began flipping through it. “What do you mean by that?” he asked, eyes watching her warily. Poising her pencil over a time slot, she looked at him from over dark reading glasses. “I’m going to be blunt – again. Ric, do you want to salvage your marriage?” “I – I’d like to try, yes.” “Good! Then I’d like to see you and Alexis in my office tomorrow at 10 a.m.” “I don’t know,” he hesitated. “I’m not sure she’ll go for this.” Louise set down her pencil. “How badly do you want to reconcile?” “I told you. Very much so!” he answered earnestly. She picked up the cordless phone and walked around the desk and across the room. Holding it out to him, Ric looked at it a bit frightened. “The first call is yours,” she challenged him. Pausing a moment, he slowly reached up and took the phone with a trembling hand. “I’ll be outside,” she quipped and tossed her glasses on the desk. As she reached the door, Louise glanced back at Ric who was slowly beginning to dial. A satisfied grin crossed her lips. Maybe this marriage could be saved after all. Ric heard the door close and looked at the number pad on the phone. He didn’t have to think of which numbers to push. They were second nature. Holding the phone to his ear he waited for it to ring. Instead he heard silence and then Alexis’s bewildered voice on the other end. “Hello? Is anybody there?” “Um, Alexis?” “Ric?” “Yes, “ he answered equally puzzled. “Yes, it’s me. Didn’t the phone ring?” “No,” she chuckled awkwardly. “I- I just picked it up to make a call.” “Oh. Is this a bad time?” “I was calling you.” “You were? Is everything okay? The baby? Kristina?” “They’re fine,” she assured him quietly. “We’re all fine. Really.” “How come I don’t believe it,” he observed skeptically. “How are you?” she countered suddenly. “Alexis! Don’t change the subject.” “I’m not. I’m simply reciprocating the courtesy, that’s all.” “All right. I’m not very well, thank you.” Perplexed, Alexis looked down at the receiver and then placed it back to her ear. “What do you mean by that? What’s wrong.” Ric sighed. “Where do I begin? Coming ‘home’ to the Metro Court each night. Eating carryout alone. No aroma of popcorn – burnt or otherwise - lingering in the air and sleeping alone in a king sized bed that feels like a football field…long, cold showers - alone. And that’s just the beginning of my list.” Alexis sat in stunned silence. “Alexis?” She waited a beat, then answered him quietly; “I’m still here.” “Well? I’ve just bared my soul to you. Can you at least tell me why you were going to call me?” “It seems irrelevant now.” “Try me,” he encouraged her. “I tore the stitches in my hand and its, um, bleeding rather hard and I didn’t want to try and drive to the hospital because I just got my car detailed and blood on the leather seats wouldn’t be a good thing and, besides, I don’t want to frighten Kristina so I thought that you might be able to stop by with a Band Aid.” “A Band Aid?” He couldn’t help but smirk. “Yes,” she offered somewhat defensively. “Yesterday I thought you said you had a whole box of them.” “I lied,” she sputtered. “I had two left and Kristina needed them when she fell and skinned her knee at the park.” Ric frowned. “When did that happen?” “Yesterday afternoon.” ‘I see,” he said concerned. “Why didn’t you call me?” “It was just a scrape,” she mumbled then rolled her eyes embarrassed. “And we weren’t going to do that anymore, remember? You know….rely on each other and all. But I guess I broke my own rule, didn’t I?” “ I like it when you rely on me,” he admitted softly. “I miss that too.” Once again, they fell silent simply listening to one another’s anxious breathing on the other end. “Are – are you still bleeding?” Ric asked. “Profusely,” she audibly winced. “I’ll be right there,” he assured her and hung up the phone. He rushed out of the office and by Doctor Winters pausing to quickly to pluck a daisy out of the fresh arrangement on the receptionist’s desk. “Ric?” she asked. “Does this mean I’ll see you both tomorrow?” “So far, so good,” he answered as he sailed out the door and down the hospital hallway, then called back adding, “Maybe even sooner!” ***
No answer. Damnit! She must have already left to take Kristina to playgroup. “Alexis?” she heard a familiar but muffled voice calling her name. “Just a minute!” “Are you all right?” he asked taking note of the panic in her voice. “I don’t have a key, remember?” Scanning the bathroom, she yanked a yellow towel off the bar and clumsily wrapped it around her hand. It smarted on first contact and Alexis clenched her jaw as she hurried across the living room. She awkwardly reached out her foreign right hand and turned the knob the wrong way then jiggled it in exasperation. “The other way,” Ric amusedly instructed from the other side of the door. “I know!” she snapped and finally threw the door open with such an impact that it hit her squarely in her tender, wrapped hand. “Ouch!” Ric stepped in and his eyes immediately darted down to the towel with its flowered border rapidly being “watered” by a stream of blood. “How long has it been bleeding this way?” “I don’t know, a half hour maybe?” “Alexis!” “I think I may have cut it more if that’s possible. I was trying to fix a clog in the kitchen sink and had my hand in the garbage disposal when-“ Ric closed his eyes. “Alexis, do you know how many germs are down there? What about infection? Why didn’t you just call maintenance?” “I did. But they were backed up and he couldn’t get to it until tomorrow so I just thought” -” “That you’d fix it yourself? That’s laughable Alexis and you know it. You’re not good with that kind of thing anyway, much less with stitches in your hand!” “You’ve made your point. I get it now,” she looked at him, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “I’m sorry. It’s just that I worry, you know? Even though I am your soon-to-be-ex husband, I reserve the right to worry about you.” “That’s sweet,” she thanked him quietly. Ric momentarily froze. It was not the response he was expecting and his expression softened. “Yes. It is. I can be sweet…when I put my mind to it.” He produced the daisy from behind his back and charmingly handed it to her. “Thank you,” Alexis accepted it, twirling it between her fingers. “I’ve seen it - your our charm, I mean. I really have!” Their eyes locked then they both bashfully turned away. “We should get your to the ER and have that looked at again,” Ric announced propelling them back into the comfort zone. “Yes,” she agreed. “Let me go get my purse.” She turned and head for the bedroom while Ric rocked back and forth on his heels glancing around at the warm, familiar environment he used to call home. It felt good to be standing there, if only for a brief time. He glanced at the mantle and noticed that Alexis still kept a picture of their family promptly front and center in between a framed portrait of her mother and a candid shot of her late sister Kristina. “At least I’ve not been totally erased from the house,” he thought to himself. “Oh no!” a distressed cry came from the bedroom. Jolted from his thoughts, Ric sprinted down the hall and rounded the corner stopping just short of entering the room. There before him, his wife stood with her blouse half-undone and fumbling with the few final buttons. Taking a step back he lowered his eyes and leaned against the wall, his heart racing. “Is everything all right in there?” “Sorry.” she called, not realizing how close by he was. “I got blood on my favorite blouse. I’ll need a minute to change.” Taking a slight breath and holding it, Ric felt like a schoolboy as he poked his head around the corner to ‘sneak a peek’. He watched unobserved as she slipped off the white silk blouse exposing slender, tan shoulders. The longer he held his breath the more lightheaded he felt, but Ric dared not exhale. It was all he could do to resist the urge to turn the corner, saunter up behind her and bury his face in the sacred nook between her neck and those irresistible shoulders. Alexis crossed the room and opened her closet. Selecting a pale blue blouse she put her right arm in its sleeve and was trying to figure out how to slide her injured hand into the other without staining this shirt as well. After two rather dismal attempts, Alexis sighed and cried out meekly. “Ric?” Snapping his head back around the corner just in time to escape being noticed he paused a minute, backed up and acted as if he were just now coming down the hall. “Yes?” “I…um…” she stuttered. “This is rather humiliating but I need a favor.” “What kind of favor?” he asked grinning safely out of sight. “I can’t seem too…my blouse. I can’t seem to get my blouse on by myself. Could you…would you help me?” Still around the corner, Ric licked his lips and chewed his lower lip with wily anticipation. “No problem!” He entered the room and the two locked eyes, his trying desperately not to wander down and trace the outline of her right breast left partially exposed by a low cut beige lace bra. “Watch it!” she warned him, very aware of the fact that the rose color filling her cheeks gave away just how much she was enjoying the fact that he was practicing such restraint. He approached her slowly. “It’s not like I haven’t…” “Seen, “ Alexis’s mind filled in one blank. “Or touched,” Ric’s mind filled in the other. Closing one eye slightly, he continued to move closer, his memory basking in the velvet softness of her skin. Reaching out, he gently picked up her injured hand and wrapped the towel tenderly around it then slowly guided it through the shirtsleeve. Alexis flinched at his touch and closed her eyes as he slipped her arm effortlessly through the sheath and pulled it up onto her shoulder. Looking up at him, his eyes were averted as starting from the bottom, he carefully began fastening each button one-by-one. When he reached the button that would cover the valley of her cleavage, he faltered, mourning the thought of covering a sight so sensual. Dutifully, he fastened the last button and smoothed the blouse over her shoulders. “How’s your hand?” he asked in a guttural tone. Alexis looked up at him with the eyes of a grateful child and smiled. “It doesn’t hurt nearly as much any more.” They stood there, his hands still on her now-clothed shoulders, neither one wanting to be the first to move. “Alexis?” “Yes?” she whispered anxiously. “I have something to ask you.” She looked at him expectantly, gently coaxing him with her huge brown eyes. “I…I’ve been seeing Dr. Winters…about us. She – I – want us both to see her together and see if she can help us give our marriage another try.” Alexis audibly gasped. She’d secretly hoped but was afraid to let her imagination run wild with even the possibility of getting back together. She knew that they’d both been so angry, then hurt but Alexis also knew that her heart was full when she thought of Ric and standing before him now she perhaps felt the most vulnerable she’d ever been. She liked it. No, she loved it. She loved him. Ric looked down upon his wife’s curious face and dared to interpret what he saw as optimism. “Do you want to go with me to see her? Dr. Winters, I mean?” “Do you really think we can make this work?” she asked begging for his unabashed honesty. Ric ran his hand down her right arm and squeezed her hand. “Honestly? I don’t know. But I sure as hell want to try!”
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