A Crack in the Mirror
by Zandergirl

chapter 2 - His Sessions

“So”, Ric said pacing the perimeter of Dr. Winter’s office. “This is what the inside of a shrink’s office looks like.”

“I prefer the term ‘therapist’,” she requested politely.

“I’m sorry, “he apologized, then chuckled. “I guess you can see that, right out of the gate, tact is something I could stand to work on.”

“Really?” she asked surprised. “As a lawyer I would think that you’d be a master of tact and verbal presentation.”

“True,” he agreed. “In court, as an attorney, I can communicate flawlessly. As a man and husband I thought I could do the same, but now I’m not so sure.”

Dr. Winter’s jotted a few notes. “Why is that?”

“Aren’t I supposed to be lying down or something?” he asked suddenly changing the subject.

“Or something,” she answered. “You’re avoiding my question.”

“Guess I communicated pretty well that time!” he cracked.

“Do you think that communication, or the lack there of, is what cost you ‘your life’?”

Wandering over to her bookshelf, Ric picked up a framed picture of her family and gently traced its edges with his fingers. For a moment, he could see the likeness that used to grace his desk, the one of Alexis and Kristina smiling at him. Now that photograph was packed away in a box with his career and the rest of is life.

“Ric?” Dr. Winters hailed him back.

He abruptly set the picture down. “I’m sorry. You were saying?”

“Where did you go just now?”

“To a place that’s lost to me.”

“Can you be more specific?”

“Home,” he answered simply.

“That’s a good place to start; with the concept, I mean.”

“You’re the doctor,” he submitted and finally came over and sat down.

“ ‘Home’ seems to be a pretty important concept to you. What defines ‘home’? ”

Letting out a substantial sigh, he looked up at the ceiling searching for an answer. “Something you learn about from old television shows that can’t possibly be attained in real life.”

“Interesting,” she mused. “I take it that growing up, your home was very different from say…Ozzie and Harriet?"

“Wow!” he laughed. “Now that’s the understatement of the year!”

“Where did you grow up?”

“Manhattan,” he answered.

“The concrete playground,” she noted. “Not exactly backyard baseball games and riding bikes.”

“I got that in the summer,” he said. “We spent summers at my father’s cottage on Martha’s Vineyard.”

“So you did have a little taste of normalcy.”

“Define ‘normal’,” he shot back.

Dr. Winters chuckled. “I’m supposed to be asking the questions!”

“Ah! But I’m a lawyer. I’m inquisitive by nature.”

“Okay,” she allowed. “Then what kind of questions would you ask your parents about growing up in your home?”

Ric shot her a million-dollar smile. “You’re good!”

“I’m paid to be good. First question?”

“Where is my mother? Why did she leave me?”

“That’s a loaded first question,” Dr. Winters remarked pointedly.

“Until recently that question drove my entire life. You see, I have a half brother here in Port Charles.”

“Sonny Corinthos,” she nodded. “That’s common knowledge, especially after his latest trial. It’s an intriguing relationship given his alleged occupation and your former position as District Attorney.”

“Alleged," Ric repeated. “Now that’s interesting. You’re the only person outside of the legal system who has used that term to describe Sonny. He’s never been convicted of anything, so technically it fits.”

“Sounds like a good conversation for later,” she concluded scribbling furiously on her note pad.

“It ties in with the whole ‘mother’ thing, “ Ric elaborated. “Sonny and I had the same mother.”

“Had,” she acknowledged. “I take it she’s deceased.”

Ric lowered his head. “I never knew her. She left when I was a baby to raise my big brother in Bensonhurst.”

“Brooklyn? That’s a long way from Manhattan, culturally speaking.”

“Well then you can imagine the life she gave up in order to be with her precious Sonny.”

“You sound bitter,” Dr. Winters said.

“I was, for years! But lately, I don’t know…after his children were kidnapped, I saw a side of my brother that I previously refused to acknowledge even existed. And through it, I caught a glimpse of my mother, far fetched as that sounds.”

“It’s not far fetched,” she allowed calmly. “The part of her that lives in Sonny probably made you sympathetic towards him and gave you that sense of family you’ve craved all your life. It’s perfectly natural.”

“Tell Alexis that,” he muttered under his breath.

“What?”

“Never mind.”

“What other questions do you have?” she asked sensing it was a good time to change the subject.

“Why are you such an overbearing ass?”

“Who?” she prodded.

“My father. He drove my mother away.”

“How so?” she asked.

“He gave her an ultimatum. She could have Sonny or us, but not both.”

“So you don’t like ultimatums,” Dr. Winters pressed him.

Ric continued to ramble seemingly ignoring her question.

“She might have stayed but the S.O.B. was unreasonable, demanding, judgmental and uncompromising. If he said it was so, it was so and that was it. No questions! No arguments!”

“Is he still alive?”

Ric rolled his eyes and spat, “Unfortunately.”

Her pen scribbled.

“Do you see him in yourself or think you’re like him at all?”

The question stopped Ric dead in his tracks and he began to tremble.

Dr. Winters observed his metamorphosis from cocky to almost frightened and reflective and wrote in capital letters on her pad ‘FATHER’.

“You don’t have to answer the question right now. If you want to take it with you and chew on it a while, that’s fine.”

“Really?” he asked. “You mean I get to take a pass?”

“If it makes you feel uncomfortable, yes,” she reassured him. “These things have a way of rising to the surface in due time. It can wait.”

“Okay. Pass.”

“Got any more questions?” she continued.

“Yeah, “ he said almost defiantly. “”Why does is seem as though no one in this world is who they appear to be?”

Dr. Winters pursed her lips and paused a moment. “Are you talking about your perception of people or who they really are?”

“What do you mean?” he asked puzzled. “Aren’t they the same?”

“Not really. Ric, sometimes we project behavior onto people and expect them to act accordingly. When we don’t get the reaction we want we’re frustrated and if it happens over and over again we’re ultimately disappointed in them. We tend to feel like they’ve let us down.”

“Are you saying that’s what I do?” he asked standing up to pace again.

She noted his agitation.

“We all do it to some extent, whether we realize it or not. Even as a boy you had an expectation of your mother to be there for you.”

“ I didn’t even know her,” he argued.

“A child doesn’t have to know a parent to expect love from them. I know that’s kind of ‘out there’, but it is accurate. You also have expectations of your father, your brother, everybody. Where you get into trouble is when you hold someone to a standard they can’t possibly achieve. You even have the ability to impose unattainable standards on yourself.”

“Huh,” he mumbled thoughtfully recalling how Trevor treated him as a child. His father expected excellence from him and instilled a strong sense of competitiveness not only in athletics, but also in grades, law school, and right down to jockeying for position at his Manhattan firm. Ric was all about taking on challenges.

It readily translated into his ‘run in’ with Alcazar in South America, his subsequent trip to Port Charles and the burning desire to beat Sonny at all costs. The fact that his mother chose Sonny over him was unacceptable and Trevor Lansing’s son had to be a winner.

In time, Ric became more curious about why Adella elected to stay with his brother. He began to see Sonny as her eldest son, his brother not the cold-hearted mobster the world saw. He felt a certain connection to Sonny and unconsciously formed an expectation of being accepted as family; something Sonny acknowledged only when it was convenient or suited his needs. And now…

Dr. Winters watched as Ric’s brain clicked away. It was gratifying to watch a patient experience a break through, especially in a first session although it was not abnormal for those who had never gone through therapy before. Once they relaxed and felt free to talk it was like unlocking a storage closet deep within their being. The ‘closet’ was full of suppressed feelings and memories that invisibly drive behavior. The moment the door opens for the first time, patients often experience a profound epiphany and are anxious to delve further.

“Dr. Winters,” Ric rubbed his chin pensively, “Do you think that I could be projecting my expected behavior onto Alexis?”

“Of course you are,” she answered pleased with his response. “After all, she’s your wife. She’s the person you expect the most from. The question is what are those expectations and are they fair? Are they things that she can achieve without totally surrendering her own identity?”

For the second time in the session Ric fell silent.

“I think you’ve had enough for one day,” she announced flipping the cover of her notepad closed. “You have two major things to think about. That’s plenty!”

Ric nodded. “This has been enlightening to say the least.”

“I’m glad you think so,” she smiled extending her hand. “I take it I’ll see you again?”

“Yes,” he shook her hand. “I want to continue working with you.”

“Good! You can schedule our next session with my secretary.”

He started for the door then stopped and turned around.

“This is confidential?”

“Completely,” she answered.

“Good.” He said and bit his lower lip. “I don’t want Alexis to know I’m seeing you; not because I’m trying to keep our sessions a secret from her but because I’m not sure if they will lead to a reconciliation or not. I’ve put her through enough and I don’t want to hurt her anymore.”

“It will stay between us,” she promised. “My job is not to sway you one way or the other. But Ric? Realize it or not, you’ve just taken one significant step toward reconciling. You put Alexis’s needs before your own. You put her first.”

Ric tilted his head thoughtfully to one side edified by her words. Then, with a hint of a smile, he opened the door and left.

He begrudgingly drove back to the Metro Court after his appointment with Dr. Winters. It was not the session that had him ‘down’, but rather the idea of leaving such a thought-provoking hour to return to a cold and impersonal environment.

The hotel itself was everything Jax intended it to be, the epitome of modern style, elegance and comfort but somehow that paled in comparison to the tiny apartment he’d shared with Alexis, Kristina and their baby on the way. He smiled, in spite of it all, recalling the day the day he found Greystone and told Alexis of his grand plan to move their family from ‘uptown cozy’ to 10,000 square feet of ‘sprawling estate’. But just like everything else, Sonny yanked it away at will. What Sonny wanted, Sonny got. Ric imagined that it would be a bone of contention, in some way or another, for the rest of his life.

Reaching the hotel, he entered and started toward the elevator. En route, he passed the bar and faltered. It was a little early for a drink but, what the hell! Better he share idle talk with the hotel bartender than lie alone on the bed in his room flipping aimlessly through cable channels. In a way, the hotel bar was becoming an extension of his new home.

“Jameson on the rocks,” he mumbled as he sidled up to a stool.

The bartender placed a glass filled with ice in front of him and poured until it was full, then offered to leave the bottle. Ric waved it off. The last time he accepted it and that led to trouble; trouble in the form of a 5’ 5” raven-haired beauty with long flowing hair, a wicked smile and an insatiable sexual appetite. The devil had taken on a clever disguise that fateful night and it couldn’t have been more beguiling than that of Reese Marshall.

Ric’s torrid night with Reese taught him a lot of things but they were lessons he never wanted to learn, at least, not that way. It exploited his weakness -- his self-destructive tendency to turn to dark places for comfort, but it also gave him answers. Most painfully, Ric’s adultery indicated to him that he still loved Alexis and that he wasn’t sure if he could face her as the same man she married again.

As if temptation had a sixth sense, he looked up to see Reese smiling saucily, heading his way. Ric lowered his head taking a hefty gulp from his drink and he gripped the glass tight.

“Fancy meeting you here!” she grinned cheerfully.

“Reese,” he acknowledged with a nod.

She immediately noticed his self-imposed distance and frowned. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” he replied abruptly.

She sat down next to him and the bartender immediately followed to take her order.

“Bourbon, neat.”

Ric continued to sip his drink deliberately not making eye contact as Reese accepted her glass. “Why do I get the distinct feeling that you’re avoiding me?”

“Sorry,” he offered feebly. “I’m not trying to be rude, I just have a lot on my mind and I need to focus on it.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

He shrugged. “It’s a public bar Agent Marshall. By all means, stay.”

“Agent Marshall?” she repeated surprised. “Now I know you’re trying to avoid me. This wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with Alexis, would it?”

“It’s personal and that subject is off limits,” he replied flatly as to dissuade any further comment.

“I see,” Reese mused a little hurt by his bluntness. “You know Ric, what happened between us was just ‘one of those things’. We were both hurting and needed someone so we reached out to one another. You shouldn’t feel guilty about it.”

He drained his drink and dove into his front pocket for a twenty-dollar bill slapping it down on the bar to cover both drinks.

“That’s the difference between you and me Reese. You see, I can’t help but to feel guilty.”

Reese watched him walk away, clear headed and determined, then slowly set down her drink. “I’ll be damned!” she observed muttering under her breath. “After all they’ve been through, he still loves her.”

***

Dr. Winters stood staring at the closed door long after Ric’s exit. Finally, she went over to her desk, flipping the pad open to make a few post mortem notes. It was interesting to her that Ric never mentioned that he and Alexis were getting a divorce only that he “wanted his life back”. Quite a contradiction! Yet, he wasn’t comfortable enough with his personal goal to share it his wife for fear of hurting her. Another caring sentiment!

Louise sighed. She was aware of Alexis’s deceit in telling him that she was in therapy when she was actually keeping secrets from him. His mistrust in her was not unfounded. Still, she’d heard a lot about Alexis Davis and couldn’t comprehend why she would deliberately lie to her husband and risk her marriage. That piece of knowledge would be helpful but there was no way to really know without talking to Alexis personally. Even if Ric were to tell her, his perception of her motivation would be just that, a perception, not fact.

Drumming her fingers on her desk she pondered their situation further. In this case, she would like to see a happy resolution, especially since they were expecting a child together.

“Come on Louise,” she thought shaking her head. “You can’t be thinking that way. You’ve got to remain objective!”

She closed the notebook and stood up to gather her things when her secretary buzzed in.

“Dr. Winters?”

“Yes Connie?”

“Alexis Davis is on line one.”

“Thank you.”

Well, well. This was getting more interesting by the minute!

Returning to her professional manner, she sat back down and picked up the phone.

“Alexis?”

“Dr. Winters,” Alexis acknowledged on the other end nervously twisting the phone cord around her forefinger. “Look, I know that I’ve been rather disingenuous with you in the past and I have nothing but regret for that but I really need to see you.”

“For real this time?”

“Very much so,” she said sounding on the verge of tears. “I don’t know if you know this or not, but my husband has asked for a divorce and, as much as I don’t want it, it looks as though I’m going to have to give it to him.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she replied honestly.

Alexis took a deep audible breath and continued in a more composed yet vulnerable voice. “I need to figure out how to let go and move on with my life and I would like your help in doing that.”

Dr. Winters knit her brow. Clearly she and Ric were moving in opposite directions of an unexpected nature.

“Alexis, therapy is not a ‘made to order’ solution. I want to help you but I can’t promise that the outcome will be what you want.”

“But you will see me?”

“Yes,” she swung her chair around and searched her computer screen. “How is tomorrow morning at 11:00?”

“Perfect,” Alexis answered. “Thank you.”

“I’ll see you then,” Louise confirmed typing in the appointment. She hung up the phone and was about to turn off her computer when a new appointment popped up tomorrow at 1:00 ...Ric Lansing.

“Oh no!” she sighed. “I’d better speak to Connie about future scheduling parameters for the Lansings!”