Blood and Fire
by lsquared

The report on Alexis’ desk detailed the demise of Jerry Jacks with such matter-of-fact coldness that the man was reduced to an assumed timeline of brutality and unforgiving definitions. Her eyes scanned the document, pausing over words and phrases like terrorist, mob activity, likely planted bombs.

Jerry had been presumed dead and the world at large breathed a sigh of relief before the smoke cleared. It was assumed that he’d fallen victim to his own schemes, unable to escape after planting bombs for Andrei Karpov along the waterfront. It made Alexis queasy to ponder the questions of whether he’d been a victim of the mob war or if Jerry’s death was a grave mistake on his own part. She took a drink of her lukewarm coffee to chase away the bitter taste of conflicted sorrow. It had been plaguing Alexis for days – was she grieving for the loss of Jerry’s life or what he had meant, for a short time, to her own?

The memorial service Jax arranged at St. James’ was primarily for his mother’s benefit, and Lady Jane had appeared to be the only true mourner. She was joined by a stoic Jax, an obligated Carly, and Alexis. “Have you cried?” Jax had whispered, and Alexis was ashamed to shake her head no.

Alexis chalked her lack of overt emotion up to shock and anger. Jerry had set fires all over Port Charles and her life in just over a year, and his exit was appropriately dangerous and literally ablaze.

“You sure you’re okay?” Jax had asked, as though others could and should express the grief he didn’t seem to be able to summon.

“Yes, I’m fine,” Alexis had insisted. And it was true that she hadn’t cried, but ever since Jerry had been presumed dead, ever since his life had been summed up as that of a menace to society in a police report, Alexis had suffered a headache and felt unbalanced and dizzy – as though she were in constant motion, pulled in opposite directions, waiting to settle.

The door to her office whined open and Alexis jumped to attention in her chair. By the time she crossed the floor, there was no one there. She bent to retrieve an envelope that had been dropped outside the door and measured its weight on her palm. She felt the shape of something flat and rectangular at the center and tore the paper to reveal a plastic key card to the MetroCourt. A folded slip of paper inside contained a brief note scribbled in indiscernible handwriting.

A, meet me here at 7:30. –J.J.

She recognized the room number printed below the note as Jerry’s suite.

*

The light in the hallway was bleak. The absolute silence once the elevator doors closed behind her made Alexis’ trek down the hall even more eerie. She’d repeated to herself on the drive that there was nothing to be anxious about; it was Jax, probably in need of a friend to sort through his brother’s belongings. Or perhaps, she noted just as she reached the suite, he had found evidence while clearing the room.

Alexis calmed herself with the idea and used the key card. “I’m here,” she called, swallowing the words when she walked into darkness. The only light in the room was the pale glow of the moon coming through the gauzy curtains. “Jax?”

“Would you settle for me, darling?”

Alexis gasped and turned toward the sound of the voice, knocking a vase off the corner of the desk in the process. A light flicked on and she saw Jerry rise from a chair in the corner of the room, a glass of whiskey in his hand. Her mouth opened, the expression on her face wavering between a scream and a relieved sob.

“Don’t be afraid,” Jerry said, advancing toward her. “You’re not seeing ghosts.”

She shook her head and stumbled back. Her right knee gave out and she grabbed the edge of the desk to steady herself. “You were in that warehouse,” Alexis whispered.

Jerry set his glass down. He stopped with several feet of carpet between them. “That’s what I heard. No one seems very torn up about it either. It’s very unnerving. Perhaps there would be more grief if I’d died a hero and not a suspect?”

Alexis’ chest tightened until her breath came in and out in strangled gasps. She wrestled out of her coat, feeling overheated. “Everyone believes you’re dead!”

He shrugged. The even line of his lips slowly turned up into a self-satisfied smile. “What about you, darling?”

Alexis backed up as Jerry came toward her. She avoided him until her back hit the wall and he was inches in front of her. She could feel his proximity as much as she could see him – his heat was most decidedly alive and electrifying. Alexis quivered when Jerry cupped her chin. “You feel real to me,” she said, and when his thumb brushed across the sensitive skin under her mouth, the dizzying effect of his skin o hers was all the proof Alexis needed that she wasn’t crazy or privy to some supernatural appearance.

He leaned toward her, his lips parting in anticipation of a kiss, but Alexis tilted her head.

“Tell me how this happened. Why are you letting everyone believe you died in that fire?”

Jerry found her hands, weaving their fingers together. “I had no choice. I was in Karpov’s warehouse when one of his men found the bomb. I had very little time to get out, and no one saw me escape. It was the perfect opportunity and I had to take it, Alexis.”

“Why?”

He squeezed her hands tighter. “I started working for Karpov to do some good, but things were getting out of hand. He asked me to kill you. He was threatening your family and mine. As long as I was alive, he was going to see the people I cared about as a threat. With me out of the picture, there’s no possibility that one of his employees is feeding information to the District Attorney.”

Alexis listened to Jerry detail his reasons, how he escaped unseen and left behind as much of his belongings as he could – knowing any male body found in the warehouse could be identified as him, any witnesses saw him enter and never exit. Everything he did was for her benefit, but she didn’t feel grateful – she felt cheated. All of the emotion Alexis had been suppressing coiled in her stomach, constricted up into her chest and erupted. Water dripped down her cheeks, over her lips.

“I’m sorry,” Jerry whispered his apology. He brought their joined hands together between their bodies. “I hated to deceive you. It was the only way.” Alexis began to protest and Jerry said, “Believe me, darling, it was the only way to protect you. I’m a ghost now. Again.”

She shook her head – it was unfair to him, and selfishly, to her. They had only just begun their story. “What will you do?” she asked. “This means… I’ll never see you again?”

He smiled. He let go of one of her hands to reach up and trace a line down her cheek, across her mouth. “God, I hope not. But I may have a different face. I wonder if you’d recognize me?”

Alexis nodded. “I would.” She tugged her hand free and reached up to frame his face. “But I want to see this face.”

Jerry leaned forward, crushing his mouth to hers. He had long ago memorized the shape of her flesh and bones. He had committed to memory the way she smelled, the sound she made when he kissed her throat. He knew the exact shape his hand made resting at her hipbone or the small of her back. But suddenly it didn’t seem like enough and his hands roamed every inch of her body.

“How much longer do you have?” Alexis asked.

“Not much.”

“Does Jax know?” Alexis asked, finding it odd that Jerry would take the risk of being in the suite.

Jerry’s silence was all the answer she needed, and Alexis felt an even greater bond with the Jacks family, and understood her friend’s lack of emotion.

“Where will you go?” she asked.

He silenced her with a short but deep kiss. “No more questions,” Jerry whispered against her mouth. “You and I spent an awful lot of time circling one another and talking things out. I just want-”

Alexis didn’t allow him to finish his thought. She grabbed the lapels of his shirt and her lips were demanding of his, her tongue warm and slick and sweet.

The next several hours passed with very few words, but they both said plenty – goodbye, you’ll be missed, I hate this, we deserved more, I was falling in love with you, you were my salvation, don’t go, I know we’ll be together again someday.

Alexis was finally able to resolve her conflict over how to feel, to stop the constant motion and settle, for a brief time, in Jerry’s arms. But she knew that as soon as he left, she’d always be waiting for him – for his banter, his hands, his protection, spirit, kinship. She’d miss the way he’d blazed through her heart, setting everything afire, bringing her to life. She knew she’d always be looking for him, listening for the crackle, watching for the smoke.

Read the sequel, Only What You Can Carry