As You Bleed
by Maia

Original Post date: February 9, 2005

Author's Note: It takes place from the Tuesday episode after Sonny talks to Alexis, and Ric realizes that Durant was using the situation to his advantage.

~~Scene inlay~~

“Sam did what she claimed,” Sonny told Alexis his tone serious and low for her ears only. “She took the money, that's all.”

Alexis would’ve moved away, but his voice, his conviction kept her pinned.

“We're all acting out of fear here, looking in the wrong places instead of stopping to think. The person who took Kristina is someone with the financing and the expertise to infiltrate my security system. All right?” The moment she started to really listen he knew. Her intelligent eyes focused, and the fear and worry of the last thirty-six hours was shaken off as she applied her brain to what he was saying.

“They watched and they waited for the perfect opportunity, and they used Sam as a scapegoat and covered their tracks. They spied on me, they framed Sam, and now they got the police and the F.B.I. all chasing their tails. The kidnapper is playing games with all of us.”

“Sonny...” Alexis breathed in his name deeply as she tried to calm herself. “I don’t know that I can believe that so easily. I need proof before I let go of the idea that it was Sam.”

“It makes sense, Alexis. They saw her take the money. She was the perfect scapegoat. Her history, her lost daughter, and the fact that Kristina was saved because of her child,” Sonny forced her to think, to clear away the cobwebs left by fear. “All of it, it makes her the perfect fall guy. They are using Sam to distract us from the truth, from the real kidnappers.”

Alexis shook her head. “To what end? There is no ransom note. They made no demands!”

“If they do, then they lose their perfect setup of Sam. As long as she is a distraction, they can get away. The Feds are wasting time, looking at the wrong suspects, and before they figure it out, Kristina will be gone.”

Alexis’s eyes were large in her eyes, her breathing labored. “Swear to me, Sonny. You swear that you had nothing to do with her kidnapping.”

“Would you believe me?”

Alexis closed her eyes shaking her head. Of course she wouldn’t. Not after he lied to her face about the confession that freed Sam.

“You need to put it together, Alexis. I know you’re scared. I know you’re tired, and it’s been a long day turning into a long week. I can’t convince you. I have no time to do that, but sooner or later, you’re going to have to trust someone.”

Alexis’s breathing worsened as the possibility of putting her trust in the person she trusted the least overwhelmed. Every turn, there was a dead end. Every person she trusted betrayed.

Worried, Sonny reached for her. Her face was turning a disturbing shade of pale blue. “Alexis?”

The door opened and Ric entered, the scene not making sense, but when it did, he slammed the door shut pushing Sonny off Alexis.

“Get your hands off her!”

“She can’t breathe,” Sonny told him quickly.

Ric’s eyes went to Alexis, and he swore under his breath quickly pushing her coat off her arms and guiding her to a seat. He glanced at his brother.

“Water,” he ordered.

Sonny went to the water cooler in the corner while Ric knelt in front of Alexis.

“C’mon, Counselor. Work with me.” His hands rubbed up her legs in comfort. “Alexis, you need to focus. Focus on me, and slowly calm yourself. Breathe—breathe with me.”

Alexis nodded as Sonny handed Ric the water. He backed off his eyes watching them, but they seemed unaware that he was there.

“I know it’s been hard on you, and you’re holding up better than I expected you to,” he admitted. Alexis closed her eyes, but he tightened his hands on her legs to force her not to shut him out. “That wasn’t a criticism. I know how much you love her, and I know better than anyone how hard you fought to make sure this never happened.”

A tear moved down Alexis’s face. Sonny listened, but he remained silent.

Ric watched it, frowning when a hand rubbed the moisture away. It took a moment for him to realize that it was his hand on her face, his fingers on her skin. They had taken so many steps away from each other, and it seemed a lifetime since the last time he really got to touch her.

“Things are going to get worse,” he told her. Ric glanced over at Sonny. “Durant is here. He was the one that brought in the FBI. He took me off the case. Kidnapping is his jurisdiction.”

“He’s suspended,” Alexis reminded Ric quietly.

“No, he’s not.” Ric met her eyes. “He’s going to use this opportunity to railroad Sonny, and if he succeeds, the only promise I can make you is that Kristina will get lost in the shuffle.” Ric glanced at his brother again. “I don’t believe Sonny had anything to do with this, no more than I believe you did, Alexis.”

“I tried to tell her,” Sonny pointed out.

“Give her a break, Sonny. Her daughter has been kidnapped.”

“Our daughter!”

“Stop it,” Alexis begged. “Stop it. I can’t—it’s too much.” Alexis ran a weary hand over face pushing her bangs from her face. “I just need—I need...” Alexis stopped for a moment. She shook her head. Clearing her throat, she met Ric’s eyes. “What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to put it all aside. I’m not asking you to immediately assume that Sonny is innocent, or even Sam. I still have reservations about Sam. What I do know is that Durant is going to come in here, turn this all around on Sonny, and we’ll waste valuable time and resources giving the real kidnappers time to flee with Kristina.”

Alexis closed her eyes. They were asking for her trust. Opening her eyes slowly, she moved from one brother to the other. Neither had given her any reason to believe in them, to trust them. “This is my daughter I’m risking here,” she reminded her husband.

“I know, and I’m not going to forget that.” Ric moved a bit closer taking Alexis’s hands in his. “I love her. You know I love her. I would never, not in a million years risk her, her safety or her health. Not for Sonny, not for a damn agenda, and never for my own sake. I need you to trust me, to believe in me that far.”

Alexis lowered her head, the torment evident on her face as moving emotions cascaded. Trust him, he who destroyed everything? Trust, it was a fleeting gift, fragile and earned. How was she to step beyond that, to reach a place she never believed in?

“Kristina, she needs all of us to work together, to work with Jason to bring her home. If we depend on Durant and his puppets, I can’t imagine how this will end. I don’t want to imagine how this will end.”

Sonny started to step forward to add his pleas to those of his brother’s. Alexis was a player in this game, a major one. Durant would need her to help cement the charges, and given her state, the exhaustion, unhappiness, and her desperate state, Alexis was an easy pawn.

Ric moved his hand subtly waving his brother off. This was between Ric and Alexis, and Sonny had no place. Her trust, he broke it, and it was important that she give it to him again with no conditions.

“I—I think I spent my entire life looking for something. I’m not even sure if I could tell you what it is or even if it is a thing, a place or even a person. All I know is that I’m alone. I’m always alone.”

Alexis wiped a weary hand across her face. The exhaustion was bone deep. Rattling to the core of her being. The differential span of living and existing was obscured in the clouded lines of reason—reason lost. All symmetry and understanding was gone. Her daughter—her baby was lost, and that was the only thought that remained.

Alexis lifted tear filled eyes to Ric. “You were right. I would’ve found a way to make you leave—an excuse. I don’t remember feeling relief, but after you’d gone, I missed you. But...”

She paused sucking her bottom lip thoughtfully. “Kristina was there. It has been her and me since the moment I first knew of her existence. It might not be the most fulfilling of lives, the two of us, but it would be enough. She was enough.”

“You’re not alone, Alexis. I never went anywhere. I never wandered more than a hand’s length from you. I can’t open this door. You have to do it,” Ric pressed his cause his own desire not only for himself, but also for them. “Want more, Alexis. You can have so much more.”

Alexis’s eyes fell for a moment. Help me. It was all she could think. Help me.

Closing her eyes she breathed in slowly, deep calming breaths. Kristina, she could still smell her on her clothing. Maybe tomorrow she would change, but then the smell of her baby would be gone. What if she never got her back?

What if she never got Ric back?

She finally looked at him, her hand momentarily reaching towards him only to hesitate. “The apartment still smells like you. I can smell your cologne in the bathroom, and I wear your Harvard shirt to bed.”

Ric’s eyes softened. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a golden hoop earring. It was the one she lost in his office before Durant interrupted them. He had carried it in his pocket all this time, all these months.

Alexis gave a soft crying noise in her throat at the sight, her eyes going back to his. Ric put a hand to her neck and pulled her close, his mouth touching hers softly both of them holding the breath, moving back, and then moving together into the kiss.

He needed to go, to check on Durant. Resting his forehead to hers, he asked, “Yes?”

Alexis nodded as a single tear moved down her cheek. She didn’t know if she could honestly trust him or even Sonny, and she still suspected Sam. But, the possibility that it was someone else, an enemy of Sonny’s scared her beyond anything she ever experienced.

Ric kissed her once again before going to the door. He called to her softly, “Alexis, you say you’ve been looking for something all your life. Maybe it was me?” Alexis’s eyes were dark in her face and the intensity of the connection between them was palpable. “I know that I was looking for you.” Alexis startled at that, and Ric smiled slightly. “I don’t know much about love, but I do know one thing, your heart is your heart.”

Ric went through the door as Alexis sucked on her lip staring after him.

“Alexis?” Sonny cleared his throat. She continued to stare at the door, as Sonny’s eyes followed hers. Ric, she was waiting for Ric.

“Alexis,” Sonny tried again. “You want to talk about this?”

There was a visible movement to her shoulders, and Alexis stood. She turned her attention to Sonny with no mention or comment about the very personal scene Sonny had just witness between Ric and Alexis.

“He’ll want to charge you with accessory to kidnapping for helping Jason and Sam escape,” she began. There was no time to cry or be weak. She had no time. Her baby was gone, and like the others, she had a role to play. Later, she would break, when she was alone, but right now, she had a job to do.