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Alexis
and Angels, Unawares Final Act
Sonny stared at Ned expressionless for a minute and then without uttering a word turned his back to look through the window at Alexis. "I said get out now", hissed Ned as he walked closer to Sonny. Sonny watched the doctors as they went about finishing their business, the business of saving his best friend. The monitors now tolled in cadenced harmony, emitting a rhythmic beeping as comforting as a lullaby. He looked at her face, so full of grace and spirit even in repose, smiled tenderly as he touched the cool glass. Almost to himself, he whispered, "We are not done, Alexis. I won't rest until I hold you again, look into your eyes and know that we have rediscovered that special home we have in each other, a home we seem to have misplaced". Ned roughly grabbed Sonny's arm and in an instant was shoved across the room. "Don't ever touch me again," growled Sonny as he smoothed his jacket and eyed Ned from across the room. "It's always about me for you, isn't it Ned? Alexis is inside that room fighting for her life - she almost DIED for God's sake - and all you can see is your hatred of me. Well, I'm here because my friend is in there and I don't want her or her baby to die. I know why I'm here, Ned, question is why WEREN'T you?" Ned's anger was volcanic, the pressure building beneath the surface unseen until the inevitable explosion. Guilty because he wasn't able to be here immediately, his seething hatred of Sonny for hurting everyone in his life, for being father to Alexis's child, a child who should have been his, all raged through him stoked by Sonny's impertinent question. He looked past Sonny to the operating room to Alexis lying helpless and the memory of Sonny's bitter words echoed in his mind. "I'll break you" "Have you come to finish what you started, Sonny? Not willing to wait to break her but get a voyeuristic thrill by watching her suffer?" spit Ned, every breath ragged. Sonny looked at him and quietly answered, "I am here because Alexis is my friend. After everything that has happened, every bitter word between us, you might not want to believe that we are still friends but I have faith we are and even Alexis deep inside knows it too. We have a bond, Ned, one that will always exist - be it bent, tested or almost destroyed, it will always survive. We share that, Alexis and I, and you never understood it - or her for that matter. You always tried to control her, to make her be what you thought she should be regardless of how she felt or what she wanted. I respected her enough to allow her to be who she is and to support her in whatever decision she made - even when that decision was to hate me and not be my friend. You may think you have her back, Ned, but you never - ever - had her in the first place. She may hate me until the moment she breathes her last but I will always care about her and consider her my friend, the best person that ever walked into my life". Ned was speechless with anger. He bit back angry words and just stared at this man who took so much away from him - Alexis, Kristina, the life he yearned for, a life he wanted desperately to reassure him of his own purpose in this life. Bobbie Spencer walked out of the OR, shocked to see both Ned and Sonny in the anteroom. This can't be good, thought Bobbie. "Alexis is in serious condition but out of danger for the moment. Her heart stopped and we almost lost her. The next 24 hours are crucial as the loss of blood, trauma of premature labor and the cardiac episode have weakened her considerably and a lot will depend on her. She's a fighter by nature - all Cassadines are and believe me I know, I was married to one - and this will be her most important fight. We have to wait and see - and pray." She turned to leave and Sonny touched her arm. "What about the baby? It was so early and she looked so tiny," Sonny whispered as the thought of losing his own children haunted his thoughts. "Little Kristina is in neo-natal ICU. The prognosis is guarded but the pediatric specialist is hopeful. If she is half the fighter her mother is, she should pull through," Bobbie said with tears in her voice, the loss of her own daughter always too close to her heart. Sonny looked through the glass again at his friend, said a prayer for her and her daughter. We have alot to discuss Alexis, he thought to himself, and I'm not going anywhere. Without a backward glance at Ned Ashton, he walked from the room. Alexis awakened and slowly stretched each aching muscle in her body. She felt bruised and a bit disoriented, the birth of her precious little one leaving a gaping hole in her senses. So much a part of her body and her soul, Alexis was used to having her around to talk to, stroking her and singing her to sleep and now she is somewhere, all alone, without her mother. Panic gripped Alexis as she thought of her daughter. She needed to be with her. Suddenly, she heard voices and the clink of a tray. "I heard she was a goner - flatlined - and they managed to revive her," said Amy Vining as she checked the IV. A cool hand touched her forehead and Alexis drank in the coolness, dipping her hand into the crisp sparkling stream. Alexis called out, " Amy!" only to be ignored. "She's one lucky woman and that baby too. Did you see her?" asked Amy. A muffled voice answered in reply. "A tiny little thing with a pile of dark hair. And I think I caught the hint of a dimple - just like her parents. The doctor in peds said she's a fighter and is holding her own. Now only if her Mom can do the same," sighed Amy. "Amy, didn't anyone ever tell you it is rude to talk about people as if they are not there. Look at me!" Alexis said channeling all the force of the Cassadines into her voice, a voice that emitted, much to Alexis's terror, no audible sound. Amy smoothed the blanket, looked at Alexis with a worried expression and walked from the room discussing the doctor who found Alexis, wondering if he was single. Footsteps receded and there was silence, except for the beep-beep of the monitor. Alexis sat back, confused. Ok, be calm, thought Alexis, her mind racing along pathways searching for options leading to answers and at the end of the journey… nothing. "Have I finally gone crazy? Was that a hallucination in the operating room and now I am truly dead?" Alexis asked herself, no answer forthcoming. "Alexis, your glass was always half full no matter how many times I tried to help teach you how to fill it up," said a voice out of memory, a teasing musical voice that touched her heart. Alexis was afraid to look, that she truly had crossed sanity's line in the sand. Counting to three and taking a deep breath, she ever so carefully turned her head and there she was, emotion flooded into Alexis like a dam breeched and one solitary word escaped her in an incredulous whisper, "Chloe!" Alexis looked at her, blonde hair shimmering with sparkling highlights, her beautiful laughing face graced with a smile as bright as the sun and felt warmth and a feeling of love and friendship invade her aching heart. "Ok, I think this entire day has been just too much for me and I'm pretty certain I've lost it. Today, in addition to giving birth to my daughter much too soon, I almost died, I spoke to my sister - who is dead by the way, seen my best friend - who, sorry to say, Chloe - is also dead, recall a bearded stranger in the park who may or may not be dead or an angel and everyone else seems to be ignoring me. So forgive me if I'm just a bit out of sorts," rambled Alexis to the image of her dead best friend. A tinkling laugh shattered the oppressive silence of the room. "You're not hallucinating, Alexis. You are still asleep, a deep healing sleep where your body and soul can rest, where the strand that joins this world and what lies beyond is strongest, where dreams and hopes and angels dance and wait upon a song to rouse them into life. You are not yet ready to rejoin the world, dear friend, you have much to ponder in the stillness of your soul. I see you are still impatient as always, I guess some things never change," said Chloe with a mischievous smile. Alexis continued to watch this apparition, scrunching her eyes and hoping it was a dream yet, in that same moment, praying it was not and her dearest friend was with her again. Alexis had so much to say, so much to atone for and was afraid Chloe would disappear in a shimmer, her smile dancing away. "Atone for what Alexis?" Chloe said as if she'd read Alexis's mind. "My brother killed you, Chloe. Maybe if I would have been watchful, I would have seen the signs, I would have known or been suspicious," whispered Alexis with heartbreaking sadness, "and I could have saved you." "And just when did you become an all-knowing psychic? That inbred Cassadine superiority asserting itself yet again?" Chloe replied with a wicked grin. "You're actually standing there and joking? Because of my family you are dead, my best friend and sister, and my daughter will never know her Aunt Chloe, hear her funny laugh, power walk in the park with her or go to Milan shopping for fashionable shoes," Alexis whispered tearfully. Chloe took Alexis's hand in hers and quietly said to her dearest friend, "Alexis, I already know your beautiful daughter. I've visited her incubator, touched the downy softness of her tiny cheek, smoothed her hair and given her a thousand butterfly kisses. She has so many people who love her already and angels to watch over her. She is special, just like her Mom, and is going to change the world." Alexis started to cry as she imagined her tiny daughter with so much love surrounding her - and angels too. Alexis said, "Why are you here? Kristina and I had a long talk in the operating room when - if I'm not mistaken - I was hovering between life and death. I listened to what she said - she seems to have acquired wisdom in the afterlife - and I made the decision to live for my daughter. So there's more to the deal?" Chloe laughed, "Well, you know Kristina! I really wish I would have known her in life, she's quite a firecracker and she loves you very much! She asked me to come to you because she knows you and how you overthink your life, how you run away from yourself and your feelings. She just wanted to make sure you really consider what she said, about what you need to do, that you aren't afraid to follow your heart and do it. And we both know the things you need to do, starting with being honest about your feelings for Sonny, the father of your daughter." At the mention of his name, Alexis stopped. Funny, after that otherworldly discussion with Kristina and seeing her life flash before her, seeing Sonny watching with fear through the glass, his eyes intent on forcing her to live, making the choice to wade into the future and be open to her heart, his name didn't give her the usual twinge of twisting pain. It was now more of a quiet knock, politely waiting for an invitation for barred doors to be opened and flung wide in welcome, doors Alexis knew couldn't be opened until the barricades were dismantled and the detours made straight, until forgiveness pierced the bruises they both hid beneath the anger and sadness, forcing them to heal one with the other. Alexis heard footsteps, looked up and at the foot of her bed stood her brother, studying her with a mixture of concern and love. "Stefan!" Alexis shouted into the void, remembering too late she was still asleep and he couldn't hear her. Boy, thought Alexis, how annoying not to be able to say something when you really want to. Still it did give her the opportunity to observe people closely without their awareness and she decided that was fun. She glanced at Chloe as she watched Stefan, a serene and loving smile on her beautiful face, holding their memories open for Alexis to see. She looked into Chloe's heart and saw how much she loved him, how proud she was of him for living up to the best he could be, in memory of her. Alexis knew how much Stefan loved Chloe, how much she revolutionized his life but never really knew, until that moment, that Chloe had returned that love in equal measure. It made Alexis happy and sad at the same time, happy that both of them had known such love but sad that it would never to be renewed until they would be joined again at the end of his days. She made a vow to tell him of this moment, whether he would believe her was open to question, but had a suspicion in her heart that Chloe was always with him and he felt her presence in his soul. "Alexis, please come back to me. You are so important to so many people but most especially to me. You are my conscience and my best friend. We shared our dreams as children and made them come true for each other as we grew to adulthood. Who will help me recognize all the new dreams and show me how to make them a reality? That was always the part you played in our grand partnership. You are, no doubt, wondering why I am here after all these months. Well, it was quite odd - something ethereal that our Father would have appreciated, he being such a student of odd phenomena. Strangely, Chloe came to me in a dream. She told me I needed to forgive myself, that I was blameless for her death although I chose to shoulder the burden for not protecting her from our brother. She told me that you needed me more than you ever have and my niece needed me too." He ran his fingers down the smooth plane of her face, tracing the shadow of a dimple. "I know you well, Alexis, and your stubborness. You will wake up when you are ready, not before, and will be able to face anything. My beautiful sister, I have missed you. I will be here to help you as I always have," Stefan said as he kissed her cheek and quietly walked out the door. Alexis had tears in her eyes as she listened to her beloved brother. Oh, how she'd missed him, his stuffy manners, his adherence to family tradition, the love he held so tightly in his heart. She would help him find those new dreams and build them into his life. She looked around and Chloe seemed to have gone and Alexis knew in her heart that she was looking in on Kristina, always ready to bestow more butterfly kisses. Zander Smith peeked around the corner of the door and saw Alexis, her slight figure almost dwarfed by the hospital bed. He looked up and down the corridor and slipped into her room, the soft hum of monitors and her breathing the only sounds in the dusky silence. He walked toward the bed and looked at her, a quiet smile on her face, dreaming happy thoughts. That made him glad, she deserved all the happiness this world could bring her. She was the closest thing he had to a family, a loving but sometimes stern big sister, his life and how he lived it always a concern to her. He wasn't used to being first in anyone's life but he was in hers - and made him feel incredibly humble. She did so much for him, saved him in ways she probably didn't even realize, ways he himself didn't understand. Smiling down at her, from behind his back he brought a pale yellow long stemmed rose. He wanted to bring her something to cheer her but balloons seemed, well, not exactly Alexis and the rose was bright and sunny and reminded him of her. He placed it on the bed next to her and sat down. He took her sculpted hand in his and sat for a few minutes just gazing at her, then started to softly speak. "Alexis, I know I said some very hurtful things to you when I was angry and out of control and I've regretted that every day. At the time, I just didn't know how to apologize. I think I was afraid you wouldn't accept I was sorry and I couldn't face the thought of you hating me. You never treated me any differently after that, you always thought about me even before yourself, but the words just wouldn't come to me. Later, I was angry about Kristina's death, so angry I couldn't come to her memorial to even tell you. You needed me and I wasn't there for you and I'm so sorry. She was my friend and I loved her very much. Kristina always said you should never go to sleep on your anger but I did, many nights laying awake and thinking about how words wound and how stupid I was to make assumptions. You never made them about me, you took me at my word even when you had good reason not to - how can I be expected to do any less? I need you, Alexis, to keep me straight, to convince me I can make something of my life, do something that will make you proud of me so I can repay you for all you have given me - without asking anything in return. I love you with all my heart, please get better." Zander brusquely brushed away the tears falling like soft rain from his eyes, squeezed her hand and bent to kiss her cheek. He whispered in her ear, "I'm heading down to the ICU to sneak a peek at my "niece". I don't care of those nurses throw me out into the street or arrest me because I want to see her. And we both know how stubborn I can be, right?" With that, Zander kissed her forehead and strolled from the room. Alexis brushed away tears as she watched him stride from the room, his swagger evident, his bravado simply heartwarming. How she loved that young man! He has matured in so many ways, learned to be his own person and it made her happy as she could ever be. She needed no repayment from him for all she had done, all the times she put him first above all, just these last moments in her room was the coinage of happiness, gilded as gold in her heart. The tall man quietly strolled into the room, picked up Alexis's chart and studied the monitors. He gazed at her, a curious expression on his face, as if a multitude of questions were just lying in wait. Cameron Lewis wanted to check on this patient, a patient of some importance to a great many people or so he discovered. Her intelligently insulting words still ringing in his ears, he smiled as he also sensed the wit that underlined them. Oh yes, Alexis Davis was a very interesting woman, a woman who obviously enjoys verbal jousting and from the look of her, can give as good as she can take. He made a mental note to keep track of this woman and her baby. He left as quietly as he entered, whistling as he strolled down the hall. Now that was strange, thought Alexis. He looked vaguely familiar and then she remembered he was the man who found her in the park and brought her to GH. What was he doing here? Was he a doctor? He certainly is cute, she smiled, in a LL Bean kind of way, not exactly her type but she took careful note - after all he did come to check on her and it was only right to be thankful - and filed him away for future reference. Alexis was drifting, thinking about Sonny and opening doors of the heart, when she smelled a familiar malodorous cologne and looking at the door, screeched with terror and hid her eyes as the man in the hot pink hibiscus-flowered shirt drew near her bed. Wanting to dive under the covers to hide from the glare, Alexis found yet again she was a prisoner in her own body. With a sigh, she opened her eyes just a slit and looked at Scottie Baldwin, he of the unfortunate wardrobe and today the even more unfortunate hair. Scottie walked in the room and gazed upon his nemesis, hooked up to monitors, looking pale as death - and hated it. He didn't dislike her, actually he liked her quite alot but not in that romantic, sexual way. Kind of like the schoolyard bully who can beat you at your own game and you end up respecting. She is smart and crafty and thank God she lives by a higher code because she would have kicked his ass on Election Day. "Alexis, I've seen you look better but someone as nasty as you can't die. No, I predict you'll be a thorn in my side for years to come," Scottie said as he took a seat in the chair next to the bed "Since you can't hear what I'm saying, I just want to say that I'm sorry for being such a creep. It took real guts to walk away from that election, it took principle. And all for a crackpot like Spencer, that is the part I still can't figure out. You know, I used to have principles a long time ago. Hey, don't look so surprised. I think I lost them when I lost Laura and I've never looked back. My wife, Dominique, was the one person who made me a better man but I lost her too. It seems I lose everything important in my life." He looked at Alexis and continued, barely above a whisper, " Alexis, you are important to me. Yeah, I just said that and no my nose isn't growing. Let's face it, you keep me honest - or at least you give it your best shot. So if you decide to kick the bucket, face your Maker, buy the farm - you get my drift - just who is gonna watch me so I don't do anything stupid? Face it, there is no one around who can kick my butt the way you can. Makes for some interesting drama, huh? And if living for me <snicker> is not enough, you have a baby to live for. My wife didn't live to see our child, don't do that to your daughter." Amazed at what just came out of his mouth, Scottie patted her hand and walked from the room. Alexis was astounded and speechless and then she started to laugh, giggling until she was out of breath. What an ego on that narcissist, snorted Alexis, I should live for him! She should live so she could walk to his house and burn his wardrobe! Still, it showed there is more to Scottie Baldwin than meets the eye. She was finding that you learn amazing things when people assume you are comatose and this was most definitely one of the highlights. She sensed Chloe return and looked her way. She was smiling that gracious smile, now with a hint of wistfulness, and Alexis knew in her heart she was leaving. Sadness overtook her and she reached out to hug her best friend, the friend that brought so much joy and laughter to her life and Chloe hugged her back with fierce love. Chloe grasped each of Alexis's hands in hers, looked into her eyes and said, "I took another look at Kristina, Alexis. She is going to be fine, no matter what dire predictions may be uttered by that mean Dr. Meadows, and you need to remember that whenever you start to lose hope. Destiny is stretched out before her and while I can't be specific, I can tell you there are many angels of all kinds - human and heavenly - watching over her. Be honest with her, be honest with yourself and never be afraid to take the chance to love. You did that once but we both know that was not the right time or the right person - remember, Alexis, everything in its time. Learn to trust yourself, what is in here <points to her heart> will always lead you to where you are meant to be, the place where you join with something bigger than just yourself and become more. You have Kristina, she is a part of you and her father and both of them deserve to know the truth and you, my dearest friend, deserve to have all the love you have given away come back to you in equal measure. I think you know where your heart has always been, you only need to trust yourself to embrace it and truly live your life." With that, she walked way, turning once with her loving smile to blow Alexis a kiss and was gone. Alexis cried as Chloe spoke all the truths that her sister already shared with her and she knew, in the sacred place in her heart where memory lay shuttered behind a door of steeled emotions, that the time had come to take the key, rusted by tears shed since that one night of passionate surrender, tears for what was and what may never be and now may finally be embraced, and open that door so two minds and hearts can reach out to each other once again and be as one. Was it possible? Can she and Sonny overcome all the obstacles to find that common ground, that home they once shared in their minds and hearts before misunderstanding and miscommunication destroyed it? Did he even want to try? Sonny spent time checking on Benny who was doing well after quadruple bypass surgery and resting in ICU. He'd also stopped for a few minutes at NICU, hoping to catch a glimpse of baby Kristina. He could see her incubator from the window but all he could see was a tiny arm standing straight up in the air as of she was raising her hand to say, " Hey, look at me, I'm here!" That thought made him smile as he walked to the elevator to go to Alexis's room. He learned from Bobbie that she was still unconscious and they just had to wait for her to wake up. He stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for Alexis's floor and held the door for an old woman. As the elevator rose, the woman hummed a tune. Sonny uncharacteristically smiled, recognizing it as a melody from Romeo and Juliet. The woman saw him smile and said, "You like ballet, I see." Sonny smiled and replied, "Yes and opera and that is one of my favorite ballets." "Living life on one's own terms, whatever the consequences, to be with the one you love. A lesson for all of us there, I think," responded the woman with a smile. "You are here visiting someone?" "A friend is here, someone who means the world to me and whom I hurt deeply. She almost died today but now they say she will live. I thought for a moment today I would never get the chance to make up to her. I need to make it right - I am willing to try. I hope it is not too late," Sonny replied, saying more to this stranger than he wanted to. The old woman looked at him and said, "Life puts each of us exactly where we should be when we need to be and it is never too late to say what is in your heart. You only need to choose to do so." Sonny looked sharply at the woman as he listened to her words, the same words he heard an old bum say on a park bench long ago. He looked into the kindest eyes he had ever seen, familiar eyes filled with understanding and compassion and thought… no…it couldn't possibly be. The chime sounded and the woman departed the elevator with a smile and a pat on Sonny's cheek. Johnny was waiting for him down the hall. "Did you see where that old woman went when she got off the elevator?" Sonny asked Johnny as he looked around him. "What old woman? I didn't see anyone, boss, just you. Are you certain?" replied Johnny curiously. Sonny looked at Johnny and merely replied with a slight smile, "Guess I was mistaken, Johnny." He walked slowly to the room, his heart an offering in his hands, perhaps the words of an angel echoing in his mind. "Johnny, do whatever you have to do to keep Ashton and anyone else away from this room. I need to be with Alexis for awhile and I don't want any interruptions." As Alexis thought long and hard about where this new path would take her, no map and no guideposts, only her love for one man and their child, she heard a soft footfall and knew instantly who had entered her room. His cologne drifted on the conditioned air and she inhaled deeply a scent she had missed so very much. She felt the bed shift as he sat down next to her, as if he needed to feel her close to him. He took her delicate hand in his, touched each finger, traced her palm's lifeline and finally, gently, placed her hand on his heart, wanting her to remember its rhythm, how it beat for her that night long ago and how it beats for her now. He leaned forward and started to speak in a hushed whisper as if unwilling to share his words even with the silent room. "How could two people who care so much for each other come to this place, Alexis? A place where we are so far apart we could be on opposite sides of the world. I know all the things I did - and didn't do. I've replayed them so many times in my head they are embedded. How I didn't argue when you urged me to go back to Carly, how I took the easy way out and never confronted what I felt for you. I was scared to death, Alexis, scared of what I was feeling. I didn't want what we had, our friendship, to be lost or destroyed and admitting I was coming to love you would have changed everything. Even after Carly came back and I tried my best to make it work, I thought hard about us and looked for some sign that you felt the same way. I was willing to at least discuss it but you refused to talk about it, every time I started to open up you shut me down and I couldn't understand it. We could always tell each other things we told no one else - ever. Every woman I have ever cared for has fought for me, has fought for the love between us. You didn't fight, you pushed me at Carly and you walked away. I was slowly discovering the difference between what I once felt for Carly and what I felt - what I still feel - for you. My love for you is stronger and more passionate, it comes from a deeper place inside me, a place I'd never ventured to in all my life. You became the air I breathe and my joy. I've never felt that with any other person in my life." He stopped to push away a stray lock of hair from her face, a face filled with serenity and peace. He longed to kiss her but instead he held her hand tighter to his heart. "All the unsaid words, words that lived in my heart, remained unsaid. You never gave me any indication you felt anything for me other than friendship. I'll admit I was confused because what we experienced that night, the night when all our barriers were gone as if they never existed, left me enveloped in love. I respected your feelings so we both moved on in our own ways. You started to pull away and seemed to not want to be my friend anymore and I couldn't understand why. I missed you so very much, every day was endless, and I found that Carly could not fill that space in my life that you owned, that space in my heart where I now keep every memory of you. Seeing you with Ned that night at the cottage nearly destroyed me not only because of how I felt but I knew how you felt about him - or didn't feel about him - and it made no sense to me and still doesn't." Sonny felt his heart contract as he continued, the beep of the monitors and the rise and fall of Alexis's breathing guiding his thoughts. He was glad she was unconscious, doubting he could say all this looking into her eyes. "When I found out you were pregnant, believe it or not, I was happy for you. You have always been a paradox, Alexis - so competent on one hand but so neurotic on the other. You never believed enough in yourself but I knew you would be a wonderful Mother. You have such love inside you, you hide it from the world most of the time but I saw it and experienced its warmth so many times I would recognize it anywhere as belonging to you." As he continued, the words became harder to say, more emotional, from a place deep inside him. He looked at her face, suddenly needing her to hear him beneath the veil of quiet slumber and know his heart. She was his heart-light and he needed her back, to fill up that empty place inside his soul. "Kristina's death was hard for me. I blamed myself while others told me there was no blame to be had. She went to see me for reasons of her own and she got caught up in something unspeakable. As I held you in the hospital as she died, wrapped my arms around you and pulled you close, I knew we had reached a place neither of us had ever envisioned for ourselves. I always believed together we could survive anything but this was bigger and stronger and more insidious, it ate at the very heart of what we built together and death made our choice for us. Days of gardenias and rum and laughter and confidences were replaced by bitter words and angry tirades. Every word at the memorial, everything you said was true. Everyone around me dies and I remain standing. I've destroyed lives and you were right to utter every name, reveal every transgression. My heart bled for you that day and on every day since, that I could have brought someone I care for so deeply to such aching sadness and bitter hatred. The pain has whittled away at my soul, at who I am, until almost nothing but dust remains." He watched her for a few moments, the calm breaths, the color slowing suffusing her face. His next words would be of paramount importance and he was at a loss to form them, to articulate what was at the center of his heart. "The day I came here to find out the DNA results destroyed what remained of my soul. I could tell you I had gone quite mad, finally gone over the edge of the precipice you always tried so diligently to guide me from jumping. The fact was when I thought you were carrying my child, I wasn't sure what to do. We had fallen apart so completely, the one person in this world I would trust with my very life hated me, that I actually believed Carly - that you would lie to me - even knowing how much a child would mean to me. When the results showed Ned as the father, I felt as if I was slapped in the face once again by God. I WANTED your baby to be ours and when it wasn't, I snapped. My disappointment churned up a groundswell of pain inside me, the pain of missing and wanting you, needing and loving you, guilt over Kristina's death and the loneliness of the endless wasted months just converged and I lashed out at you. You stood there, hooked to a fetal monitor, and all I wanted was to hurt you because that baby wasn't mine, that I lost you because of my own choices and I wanted you back so badly and now you were lost to me. I couldn't allow you to see how deeply I was hurt so I threatened you and pushed you away - the same as you did at the memorial." Sonny held tight to Alexis's hand and began to sob. "Alexis, I would never - ever - have tried to take that baby away from you. You have to believe me. I know the kind of man I am, the life and death that surrounds me and I know you would have protected our child to your last breath. I would always trust you to make the right decision for our child. And no matter that Ned is the father, please know that I will always protect you and your daughter until the end of my days. She is a part of you, the woman who stole my heart, and that makes me love her too." He put his face in Alexis's hands and cried, cried for what they'd had, for what they'd lost, for a new life born and for the chance to begin again, to truly choose with his heart and not to be afraid to open up and face the truths he buried inside. Is it too late - too late to dream, to hope, to love - is it too late for them? As he cried, he felt a delicate hand brush against his face, tracing tears as they coursed down his face. Gentle fingers exploring the surface of his face, two dark chocolate eyes shining up into his, a smile hinting at dimples etched in downy softness. "Everyone told me you would do everything in your power to take my child away, that your possessiveness would destroy my happiness. I think I knew deep in my heart you would never try to take her away from me. Despite the last months and the pain we have caused each other, I remember the loving man that exists inside you, the open and caring person you hide from the world, and that man would always put his child first - as did I, Sonny. Ned is not Kristina's father." Alexis looked at Sonny with guilt in her eyes, saddened by the look of shock and hurt that crossed his dark soulful eyes. How do I explain this to him, thought Alexis, make him understand how I could have been so cruel as to deny him his own daughter. With a sigh, she grasped his hand firmly and placed it on her own heart as she continued. "Yes, she is your daughter and yes I did lie. I changed my mind many times, one moment deciding you could be trusted with this knowledge and could protect her and in the next moment something would happen to give me pause. Like when you had Zander beat up, a boy you loved like a son. After that how could I tell you about our child? When you came to confront me at my apartment, I almost told you but Ned stepped up and claimed she was his. The lie began there and it seemed easier to continue it as I watched your life spiral out of control. After Kristina died - she felt you should know and went to the warehouse to tell you - I decided I could not lose one more person in my life. It was my lie that killed Kristina and I will live with that until my final hour on this earth. I lied to protect our daughter from your world, from those that would harm her to get to her father. We never lied to each other, Sonny, but I would tell this lie again with no doubt in my heart it was the right thing to do. The moment I knew I was pregnant, she became my world and I vowed to protect her, even from you," Alexis explained as she looked deeply into his eyes. He looked at her, hurt and betrayed and angry, but after all that had happened, who was he to disrespect that decision. She lost her sister, had seen his life veer out of control into dangerous terrain and she had every right to do what she did. He trusted her with his life, how could he not trust her with the life of their child. He loved her even more knowing she would go against every moral code she possessed, that a parent has a right to know their child, to keep their daughter safe. He also knew Alexis's heart, in time she would have found a way to safely bring him into Kristina's life. She had lost her own mother and never had a relationship with her own father. Sonny could not imagine her keeping their child from him forever. He'd lost these many months with her, he vowed not to lose another moment. He made peace with his anger, peace with his hurt and looked at the only person who could bring him to that kind of peace. "Alexis, I understand and I accept it because I know that what you did, although I don't totally agree, you did for love of our child. Wow, can you believe it, our child! I never thought I'd say those words and they feel so very right. I'm not certain where this brings us but I'd like to start to finally discuss what happened between us and where we go from here," he said as he kissed her hand. She looked at him, breathed deeply and replied, "I heard every word you said, Sonny. Seems that the angels have been busy at work and there was a reason for everything that has happened. When I flatlined, I saw Kristina and she told me that true forgiveness begins with the heart and I needed to embrace life and not be afraid to choose. You once asked me if positions were reversed, would I choose you. I never answered you because I did not have enough faith in myself, in what we could have together, and was afraid. I know now that I have to listen to the secrets and truths in my heart and trust myself to follow them." Sonny looked tenderly at her and asked, "So does that mean you choose me?" Alexis grinned, dimples glowing and slyly replied, "So, what do you think of our daughter?" The question remained unanswered for now but Sonny wasn't concerned, everything in its time. He laughed as he bent down to kiss her and replied, "She's an angel."
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