Aftermath
by Lexy-romantics

Author's Note: Rewrite of 7/3 when Alexis joins Jerry on the docks and they kinda talk about how she feels being seen with him. She doesn’t outright say anything other than that she doesn’t like to be seen with him – which is not precisely how I see it. So, this is what I thought she felt. Colored entirely by how I feel about the romantic leading men in Alexis’ life (family is excluded). And, excepting Jax, I think they were all boys – and Jerry, in my opinion, is all man. Also, I’m fond of long winded paragraphs of dialogue – both internal and external. I apologize for that – and for the repetition that happens. I did try to wean it out but was not always successful at it. Minor retcon over Luis Alcazar.

Disclaimer: I do not own GH.

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“You know, I get the feeling that – memorable sex aside – you don’t like to be seen with me,” Jerry said, almost making it a question, a kind of hurt sound in his voice. For it was rather clear from the way that she behaved, there was no question about the way she felt. She was edgy, uncomfortable, often prickly around him – and it endeared her to him even as it irked him that she was acting like this.

It was frustrating – and challenging. Yet, he felt something different now than he had at the start of their risky, sexy, wonderful, heady, irritating, and, at times, gentle flirtation, it was even different from how he felt mere months ago when he was toying around with Claudia, though he knew he really shouldn’t mess with her mind and body. That woman was not the one he wanted – though he admitted to an animal attraction.

That would be all Alexis ... she had tauntingly filled his mind ever since she reentered his life, though at first, it had been a game he played with her, albeit a deadly serious one considering his position at the time.

One that changed when she found out who he really was – the game stalled. For all that she responded to his constant sexual advances, she remained rather untouched by his efforts to pursue her. Now, he was the one tying himself up into knots. It was an unusual feeling for him, to be so persistent in pursuit of a woman and being met with rejection that never quite felt like total and complete rejection.

So, he tried the jealousy card once again because he’d been more honest than he’d been in years when he’d told Alexis – and Sam – that he liked her. Words that neither of the Davis women believed no matter how sincere he was being with them – something that was a recurring theme with them when it came to him, though he supposed he couldn't blame them for it. His past spoke of his flippant attitude towards women and sex.

But this was different – and he was grasping at straws, trying to come up with ways to keep her attention fixed on him. It was dangerous, foolish even, but he went to the tried and true method of using another woman. Like before, the jealousy had worked on her – but it wasn’t enough for him, not any more. For some reason lately, every one of her doubts about him – about his place in her life, the one he was craving to have – had been tearing holes into his heart and soul.

And he wanted more of her, no, that wasn’t true. He needed to have all of her, though it was becoming increasingly dangerous for him in light of his true occupation. She was quickly making him not really care about the very high risk to his life – he just wanted to keep her and her loved ones safe and with him.

Without even trying, she’d tied him up in silken cords that he didn’t want to break no matter how dangerous it was for him – and for her. Because there was danger in her – and he wanted it, wanted to drink it in and make it his own. Being with her was like riding on the headiest wave of adrenaline, a ride that had no clear and decisive ending.

Alexis Davis was no ordinary woman – and all the men around Port Charles were idiots for not seeing it, for not taking advantage of it. She had quickly become one of the main reasons for every change he’d made in his life in order to stay in this rotten, miserable, narrow minded and far too judgmental town – whether she knew it or not, whether she was willing to accept it or not.

And he knew that she was far from being able to accept anything from him in that form of permanency, even if she clung desperately and against all of her principles to the promise that he’d made to keep her family safe and protected from Anthony Zacchara and his ilk.

It was terrible, her having this power over him now when at the beginning, he had been in control of all their interactions, surprising and spontaneous though they were. While it had seemed as if they were on equal footing, that was all a sham, a ruse. It had been an uneven match because he knew who she was through his brother and his memory – and through some footwork he’d already done.

He was no fool and researched the town, needing to time events so that he’d not run into Jax or her while he was there. This was not a woman one toyed around with, he clearly remembered that about her. She intrigued him when he’d first met her – and he knew she would throw his game off if she had been anywhere near the Metro Court when he was there.

As odd as it was to think of it when he was stuck in that miserable town because of his injury and orders, he never thought to see her again. Somehow, he’d fooled himself into thinking that because she had cancer, she would be more careful. That she would become inactive, he knew she wasn’t allowed to do any work because her health was fragile.

For the sake of her daughters, for their peace of mind, he thought she’d be less likely to travel around and visit such a remote location as Spoon Island, even to visit her nephew. He was – for good or ill - wrong and see her again he had.

In that dark and horrible house, filled with its Gothic decoration and only Nikolas and Robin to keep him company for Alfred had wisely kept his distance from him, she walked in. Seeing her again, hearing her voice, it was like he’d had a chance to start over again. One he reached desperately for, even if there had been a part of him wondering how he could use this meeting to his advantage.

However, he knew he’d never be able to do it, not with her, never with her.

Not only had she been family, it would have been crueler than he could bring himself to be – even for the sake of his job. No matter what, she was already going through hell – and he couldn’t add to it. The cost to him would be far higher than he was willing to pay.

Plus, he owed her for helping him out – Sonny’s aid he discounted. The man hadn’t wanted to help him and had only done it to stick it to Jax.

So, this flirtation really had started out as a game, a harmless game. Of necessity, it had to be kept as one for she was not ready for anything else. It was one that he decided to play to help the lady lawyer loosen up and live a little. He knew that she needed it after what that rat of an ex-husband had done to her and her girls, callously tearing apart their safe world as he had.

It had quickly become a battle to woo, win, and keep her heart as his.

And Jerry was damned if he knew exactly when that had happened, though he supposed that it was right around the time he overheard Lansing raking her over the coils – instead of showing real concern for her like any decent man would have. Even from his vantage point at the window, he could see the weariness in her posture and read it in her voice.

For a man who was supposed to be so worried about her health, he certainly couldn’t seem to focus his mind on where it should be. How could a man who was supposed to love her be so blind? If Lansing had really wanted her to let him stay with her, he shouldn’t have treated her so cruelly.

He deserved to be kicked out flat on his arse.

“Not particularly ... that’s not true,” Alexis truthfully admitted on a sigh, grateful that she wasn’t facing him. There was something perilous about this conversation they were having, an undercurrent of something she wasn’t fully aware of – wasn’t sure she wanted to acknowledge yet. It felt to new.

To near to reopening the raw wounds inside of her soul that still bled from the various times she’d taken a leap of faith and fallen upon the hot and icy cold coals of life’s heartbreaks. But whatever it was, she knew that she was about to finish her headlong dive off the cliff and let the water fully submerge her as she hadn’t when she’d first decided to let Mr. Craig out to handle the threat of Anthony Zacchara. That was easy compared to this conversation they were not quite having – and it scared her to death.

Her mind accepted that Jerry was a liar. That he was convinced that his lie was a truth and that he was fully prepared to live it out until something else came along – if it ever did. There was incontrovertible proof of his skills and his insane ability to believe the lies he told to be truth. How else could he accept all that he’d done to those hostages – to her own nephew and daughter – last year?

It accepted that this was all an illusion, created between them because of his persistent pursuit – and her need to be pursued, chased, and wanted as a woman by the dangerous men she was forever attracted to. He’d come into her life when she’d been at her lowest, feeling her ugliest – and he’d wanted her anyway.

She ashamedly recognized the fact that she was needy, often dependent upon another for the strength she was temporarily lacking until she could build up her reserves. Until she could fight back – Jerry was more than willing to do the fighting for her – but he wouldn’t fight her battles for her without her say so, which was a new feeling for her.

In the past, the men in her life had rushed in and taken the choice away from her – even Jax was guilty of doing this to her.

Jerry had waited until she gave him the go ahead. Waited until she gave him permission to do what needed to be done, even if she disapproved of his own way of handling things. At least he was taking these threats seriously. Sure, he took advantage of her fears to press his suit, but he also meant every word he said – he would protect them using any means necessary.

At the thought of the threats hanging over her head, a shiver ran down her spine, chilling her even in the warm air. Her blood boiled, remembering Ric’s scathing words to her after Jerry had made his decisive move that Anthony would never really hurt Kristina, that he was just using her weakness against her but that he hadn’t meant anything by it. What did he think? Did he honestly think that a man like that would only threaten her until she decided to call his bluff and then he’d leave her alone? That upon learning that she wouldn’t bend anymore, he would focus on someone else?

No, he would react – he would make good his threats.

She’d lived with a threatening presence all her life and had to learn to judge a real threat from a bluff. So, what was she to do to save her family from him? Where else did she have to turn but to the one man in town who took her fears over her children as real? To the man who would believe her, who would be able to protect her? Yes, Nikolas believed that the threats towards Kristina were real – but his solution was to run away from it all.

Jerry’s was to fight back.

He was right, there was no real safety in running and she was willing to let him do whatever it took to protect them. And that terrified her more than she could say for she was willing to buy into that lie of his because she wanted it to be true. For once in her life, she wanted to selfishly pursue someone who was both totally wrong for her – and all to right. Because hateful as it was to accept, Jerry had been right – he was good for her, albeit in an evil way.

Jerry was manipulating her, she realized that.

Every step of the way since the moment she took a chance and had taken him into her confidence, he was binding them together – the sealed envelope he’d given her spoke of the painful truth that lay unspoken between them, that there was something else at work between them. Something she couldn’t face – and had to for both of their sakes. Whether he actually recognized the true depths of her feelings for him or not, he was tying her to him utterly and completely in chains she couldn’t break free from.

Ones she wasn’t sure she wanted to be free from.

She knew he was no philanthropist. What he did was solely and completely about her – to make her feel protected, to make her feel safe in a world that had rarely thought about her, about what she needed. And it was working.

Her hypocrisy burned within about what she was doing in this moment – and she didn’t particularly care anymore. She was tired of living like everyone expected her to, tired of being frightened for her daughters’ lives. A part of her – the long forgotten and neglected Cassadine side of her – loved having him around for he was everything she’d ever known.

Jerry fit into her life in a way that the other men in her life – even Sonny – had not. He was as starkly powerful as Stefan had been and, like he had, wanted to keep her safe from harm. As dangerous as Stavros – and criminally brilliant like Mikkos – he was perfect for her ruthless need to protect her family, no matter what the cost to others.

It was how she’d learned to take care of true enemies.

The Cassadine family did not break at threats thrown at them. They bent and occasionally yielded, but it did not last. They got revenge upon those who harmed them. Jerry was a willing tool in her arsenal. She shivered, remembering how cold and hard his eyes had gone even as his touch was gentle as she told him about the threat she received about Kristina.

And she recognized that somehow she was one of the only people he was willing to remain human for. The power she held over him – the power to keep him from cutting loose and running amuck once more – frightened her and she didn’t want it. Didn’t want to want Jerry this much, to need him so much that she couldn’t get by without him there – the idea that he might one day not come back to her, made her cold with terror.

How had she let this happen to her again? How had she fallen so fast and so far into love – or lust or whatever – with another man who wouldn’t really stay with her, wouldn’t ever really need her like she needed him? What was wrong with her? Did she really enjoy the tears and the heartache so much that she now actively sought after it?

“Meaning what, darling?” Jerry asked, quite taken aback as the full meaning of her response hit him. It was not what he’d been expecting to hear at all for it was like nothing he’d ever heard her say – even when she was a befuddled mess of chaotic thoughts and actions, she’d been firm in her stance against him. A firm acceptance that what they had was for the shadows, for the dark cover of the night, to be hidden away with shameful deeds, that he’d been fully prepared for.

Prepared for but he wouldn’t have accepted it.

He was as stubborn as she was – but he would not retreat from the fight. Whereas, she had been taught to retreat by her family, he would not allow that to happen to them. This relationship was something that he wanted and he’d make her fight for them if he had to. Because he wanted this badly enough that he was willing to bend over backwards for her and change much of what he’d been doing to make himself a living – a comfortable living he’d grown rather accustomed to living. Not that he’d completely ever stop, he was in far to deep for that – but he did curtail much of his activities for her.

“Meaning that,” she took a deep breath and stepped away from him, closer to the water’s edge. It was so dark and deep, calming in some way that she couldn’t quite understand for she’d always associated water like this with death, with silent destruction. “I just don’t know how to be with you. Not outside of the bedroom and even there, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

Jerry bit back the flippant reply that came instantly to his lips. The woman was perfection in the bedroom – and other places, his mind lasciviously added. There was no doubt in his mind that she knew exactly what she was doing – and often left him gasping for breath, trying to catch up to her. So, it wasn’t doubt about how the whole act of sex was supposed to go. It was something more, something deeper.

“Again, what do you mean?” he approached but kept his hands resting at his side, though he wanted to reach out to her. There were no vibes coming from her that said she would separate him from his limbs if he touched her. But he had the feeling that if he touched her, she’d clam up. That she would no longer talk to him this openly and honestly, tell him what was going on.

There was something here, something she was trying to say – and it was something he needed to hear.

“Jerry, I can count on one finger the number of truly adult relationships I’ve had with a man where I didn’t have to wonder what he wanted from me – Jax,” her lips twisted up into an ironic grin. She appreciated how silent he was on the subject of his brother. It was awkward enough being in a relationship with the brother of the man she’d once married without getting into the details of their sibling rivalry.

“And that was only because he never wanted me sexually, what we had was pure business,” she thoughtfully added, silently wondering if it was because of her propensity to fall for the bad boys that had caused this or if they just were better off being friends. “He was very upfront with me about everything, even during our marriage. Yes, we’re very comfortable with each other. We’re able to express that comfort with physical gestures and words. But , unfortunately, I don’t seem to want Jax like that – and he certainly doesn’t want me like that, for all of our joking about it.”

“Then he’s a bigger fool than I thought he was,” Jerry muttered, “Though I am grateful he was about you for I’d not have a chance at you had he wanted you.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that. I thought it was established I only seem to go after men who are dangerous, difficult, and unhinged – three things you excel in. But they are by far the least of your talents,” she admitted, taking a moment to look back at him before looking away, not wanting to see his smarmy or smug look at her words. She just knew that it would be there, lurking just around the corned like it always did.

“I think you will find, my clueless darling, that my partner is a vital part in that arena of my abilities. I would not be half so good without so able a partner,” he replied, unable to hold that comment back – especially when it was the truth.

She cleared her throat and took a step away, making to pace before she stopped. This was not something she could run away from. Pacing lessened her ability to discuss this with him. And it was imperative that he hear her out, not be distracted by what she was doing. It was still difficult to do – she liked to be in motion when talking about things that made her uncomfortable.

Forcing herself to face him, she waved a hand, almost negligently, “Be that as it may, it doesn’t even begin to address your question. Do you want the long story or the short?” she asked, hoping that he’d drop it – but not that confident that he would.

“You’ve peaked my curiosity, darling,” he pretended to think it over. “I’ll take the long version. I really have to know what I can do to reassure you that I want this – want you – as more than just a bedmate.”

“Right,” she took a deep breath and ordered her thoughts. “My relationships with men have tended to be about what that particular man wants from me. You absolutely, completely bewilder me because you don’t seem to really want anything from me – that I’ve been able to find that is – besides the incredible, take my breath away sex.”

“Surely Ned wanted ... ”

“Ned was ... Ned. I don’t think he really knew what he wanted from me at first, though I sometimes got the feeling that it was about sticking it to Stefan after what he did to Alan – with my help. And yet, he was a good match for me because he did care about me. But there was a part of him that always wanted to put me on a pedestal and leave me there, that wanted to protect me from life and fight my battles for me – not with me. I don’t doubt his love for me, but he used me as well. He tried to take Kristina away from me permanently after the disaster that was Luis Alcazar and my reaction to it,” she stopped, but did not look away from him.

His eyes held hers captive. “Had I been here, that monster wouldn’t have gotten anywhere near you or those you care about.” The voice was cold, with deadly intent. And it was true – the man would have been dead before he could have drawn a breath to threaten anyone. Jerry couldn’t understand how any of these idiots could let that man walk around after he attacked a pregnant woman and left her and her baby alone in the snow to die and then wondered why she snapped like she had.

Yes, they were all – and he included himself with them – morally reprehensible and he acknowledged his own hypocrisy here for he had done something similar. But what he did was different for he’d been a different man then. If they’d just cooperated, it wouldn’t have happened at all. As he’d explained to those in charge, events had slipped from his control and he’d had to play it by ear. They weren’t happy – but he got results.

And, it could have been far worse.

“I know,” she sighed, wishing that his matter of fact pronouncement had affected her, reminded her about how appalling his solutions tended to be. All she felt was a resignation to his rather darker tendencies and an acceptance of what he was – and who she was becoming because of him. “But you were not and it was, perhaps, for the best. I cannot imagine us getting together at all. I was in a different place – and so were you. It wouldn’t have worked.”

“How can you be so negative about our potential, darling?”

She looked at him, scathingly. “Even had you not come back under your ... less than honorable guise, you are Jax’s brother. He has a vendetta against Sonny. I would have been even less likely to believe that you wanted me as anything less than a tool to hurt Sonny in some way. Yes, I wanted his organization destroyed and him to be gone from my life – but not like that, not at the expense of becoming someone’s pawn. At least when you were merely James Brosnan, I was able to believe that I was capable of attracting someone who had no interest in using me or my child to hurt Sonny.”

He once more remembered the moment that she’d walked into Wyndemere and had seen him, her walk slowing down to an almost crawl. Her eyes raking over him and judging his measure. That look burned him, mild though it had been in comparison to what she was capable of. He’d had to stand up, to try to shake off the discomfort he felt – and the powerful pull towards her that happened in that split second.

It was obvious from the way she’d held herself as he approached her that she hadn’t wanted him near her, that she felt self-conscious about her looks. But she held her ground, calmly staring at him and grilling him casually. So, of course, he had to get as close to her as possible without infringing too much upon her sense of space. He had to turn the tables, get the power back into his hands.

“Anyway, the third relationship I had was with Dr. Cameron Lewis – another experience in why I should never get personally involved with someone I am working with professionally,” she sighed, waving a hand about uselessly for a moment, unsure of what to do with it. “That was after I was arrested for the murder of Luis Alcazar. It turned out that it was not that cut and dried a case. I had a series of black-outs where I could not honestly remember where I had been or what I been doing. And then there were the reports testifying that I had been acting like Kristina. Deciding that it would be better to have me checked out to avoid bad press, the DA ordered me into psychiatric evaluation before the trial."

She paused, fingers now twisting together, “I was diagnosed with Post Stress Traumatic Syndrome. I developed another identity, one that was bent on vengeance. Cameron was appointed by the court to help me get my life back on track. From there, it became more than either of us expected and he dropped me as a client, recommending me to someone else. I’m not even entirely convinced of the genuineness of his feelings towards me so much that I had his son’s ear and heart – and he wanted to make amends with Zander. The way to him was through me.”

“Third?” he asked, not wanting to press her on Cameron just yet. He’d read enough to know what had happened to the man and really didn’t want to go there just yet. And while she may have a point about him wanting to get closer to his son, there was more to Cameron’s attraction to her than that. The man had truly cared for her.

Of course, he wasn’t sure he could take much more to this walk down relationship memory lane – but it was important to her, important for her to make her point. Therefore, it became important to him.

“Sonny, for two years, I had the second best friend a person could ask for. Unlike Jax, Sonny could actually understand my baggage and accept it for what it was. It wasn’t – never had been – about sex with us. Contrary to what everyone believes, our partnership did not start out in any way that could be construed as sexual. That developed later, after all the furor over my running out on Ned died down. I’m not even certain Sonny saw me that way until he saw that picture of me – don’t ask,” she warned, glaring at him.

“Why would I?” he winked, a lascivious grin on his face. “I’ve seen the pictures – and, honey, they really don’t do you justice.”

Her lips thinned momentarily before slowly lifting into a smile. Jerry’s mischievous enjoyment was contagious. And, really, what did she have to be ashamed of? “I know. They didn’t get my good side.”

“Not possible,” he gallantly said, only slightly baiting her. “All of your sides are deliciously wonderful.”

“Okay, you can stop it, anytime now,” though she had only moments ago decided not to be uncomfortable, she reversed her opinion. Jerry was enjoying the thought of her posing in her lingerie a bit to much.

“Why should I? It’s so much fun,” he replied.

Deciding it would be best to just ignore him, she cleared her throat, ignoring the uncomfortably hot flush on her cheeks. And his all to knowing smirk, she would have to wipe it off of his face later. “I had become close to Sonny because he listened to me without judging me. And I talked to him about, well, about everything because I trusted him.

“I don’t know, may be it was that confidence in our friendship just always being there that gave Kristina the idea that I was in love with Sonny. The only thing I knew for certain was that I was attracted to him – but I’m not dead. I refuse to act like I couldn’t be attracted to him. As far as I was concerned, that was as far as it went. It never occurred to me – even after I was forced into a corner – that I was in love with him.

“I think I mistook a friendly love with romantic love because of the attraction I felt. I don’t know. I know that what I felt for Sonny was different than anything I’ve ever felt for any man. I loved him, I never questioned that. But one night, I stopped him from doing something stupid – and, in the heat of that moment, our feelings became something more.

“I choose to cross that line from friends and became his lover. The outcome of which was my angel – and the loss of his friendship. Though we have tried to work things out, something happens that puts us on opposite sides,” she rubbed her neck, quietly admitting, “Lesson number one in why professional and personal lives should be kept separate. Considering who was next, I guess I didn’t learn my lesson. And then there was Ric.”

“Yes, Lansing. I did once ask why you got involved with such a soulless creep,” he remembered that conversation all to well – and her outright refusal to address it. It had been an attempt to shut the door in his face, telling him to skip the pleasantries and stay purely business with her.

And it hadn’t worked because she didn’t really want him out of her life. Even though she hated to admit it, she wanted him to be there, somewhere nearby. His remembered kindness to her, to her daughter – and her deep affection for his brother – had been all that saved him from losing her friendship and support in the face of various oppositions. Something he would repay her for even if it took him the rest of their lives to do it.

“To be honest, I had been without a serious relationship since I lost Cameron. I was convinced that I didn't need any man to help me carry my burdens. That I didn’t need a man for anything, that I would be fine if I never had sex or an intimate relationship with a man again,” she smiled at his derisive snort, shaking her head ruefully. “I know, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Ric ... showed me that I was wrong, that I deserved to have it all – career, family, and a serious relationship. That it wasn’t a weakness to want someone in my life, to be there with me and be a confidant. Like Sonny, I could talk to him about my past and found someone who understood that darkness, who could see beyond that damage and see who I had become.”

“Yes, I can see how that would draw you closer to him.” His voice struggled to remain neutral, but it was hard. The love she felt for all of these men was obvious – and utterly galling in light of the fact that he wanted to be one of those so blessed. There was also the fact that he didn’t think he’d ever had any kind of discussion about the previous men in any of his lovers’ lives. It was bizarre and weird.

Yet, it made him feel strangely included into her most intimate and truest thoughts, which was something he desperately wanted. His thoughts appalled him. He really was becoming a besotted and hopeless schmuck about her.

“Jerry, he made me feel safe like Ned used to. There were boundaries between us that I understood, professional and personal ones – like I had with Ned. Well, except for that one time,” she added under her breath.

“And what a memorable moment that was. You should break free from your constraints more often, darling,” he smiled, though it was more along the lines of his smarmy grin. Either way, it had the same affect of making her look both irritated and amused. He loved that look on her. Besides, that picture of her was incredible – and he wanted it. It’d be nice to have one. “The surprises you have waiting to be unleashed within your mind are very, very enchanting. And I wouldn’t mind walking in on such a delightful vision – I assure you that I would be alone.”

“Just stop it,” she shook her head ruefully, wondering if she’d ever get through this talk. It was quickly becoming a farce of a conversation.

He threw his hands up in surrender, “Only for you will I follow that particular order.”

“That’s not the only order you’re all to willing to follow,” she tartly retorted, flushing as she realized what she’d said.

“Oh, darling, that was ... good,” he drawled out the word, stroking her cheek lightly.

She closed her eyes, momentarily leaning into the touch before clearing her throat and stepping away from him. Once again, she faced the water, trying to find the words before looking at him again. “Ric caught me completely and totally off guard. There was a side of him that reminded me of Jax, his sense of humor and moments of spontaneity. He made me laugh, something that had been lacking in my life outside my daughter’s antics. It was ... nice to be able to do that again.”

A disbelieving sound escaped him and she nodded, acknowledging his doubt.

“I know that you’ve only seen the worst side of him but ... Jerry, he was good to me. At a time in my life when I had closed myself off from everything but my job and my daughter, he forced me out of that shell and back into life. Of all the things I had planned on my life having, a man was not one of those things. He was unexpected. And he was something I really needed to remind myself to live, that there was more to life than work and living for Kristina.”

Her fingers twisted as she admitted, finally looking away from him. She didn’t want to see the pity in his eyes. “I should have suspected he was up to something with his focused attention upon my past relationship with Sonny. But I ... I wanted to believe that there was nothing false about him and his attentions towards me. Unfortunately, his Sonny oriented demons were stronger than I could fight and I lost to them. You know, he only started flirting with me because he wanted to get close to Kristina, find out the truth about her.”

“I hardly see how his misleading you so thoroughly can be your error, darling.” He moved in front of her and lifted her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. There was no way he was going to let her feel shame for her all to human reaction to an attractive man’s attentions. While he’d never liked the man, he’d seen him be charming. She was unprepared for him because she’d hid away from life – and fell, simple as that.

“After all that I’ve experienced, I should’ve known something was going on with him. It shouldn’t have taken a revelation from Sonny for me to see the truth about Ric,” she argued.

“How? Darling, if a man wants something badly enough, he can convince himself that any lie – no matter how outrageous – is the truth. And in so doing, convince others that it is truth as well,” he winced, seeing her next line as if he’d written it himself. “Yes, I speak from experience – thankfully, it is past experience, though you seem to like beating your head against a wall to avoid seeing any of the changes in me. That I speak the truth about how I feel for you and what I want from life.”

“Which brings me to you,” she said, getting over the shock that he’d preempted her. It never was a good sign when the man she was with could do that. Never, it meant that they were developing a bond of some kind. A bond which usually involved heart break in the end – mostly on her end. “At first glance, you seem to fit the bad boy mold – although, with a few more hang-ups than normal. I thought that our relationship would just be about having casual sex, though I don’t do casual – even when I try. I thought once you had me, I’d be watching you walk away, finding yourself another woman to conquer. Yet, you seem hell-bent on proving me wrong.”

“There’s absolutely nothing casual about what I want from you,” Jerry mildly retorted, following her line of thought easily. “And I will say it as many times as needed, as many times as you obviously need to hear it. Why do you find this so hard to believe? Is it really that impossible for you to believe that I am genuinely attracted to you? That I actually care about you?”

“Can you blame me in light of your past? In light of your current circumstances?” she asked him, meeting his look evenly. “You come into town, doing some mysterious business, and a lot of people were harmed because of your callous actions. As your former attorney, I handled many of your mysterious business ventures. Let’s go further back if recent events aren’t enough evidence of why I just might find your sincerity hard to take. Many times in the past, Jax and I were called to bail you out of trouble. It was under a cloud of suspicion, you left town – I believe that charge was money laundering – and that is what stops me from thinking that you are an outright psychopath though I will deny it to the heavens if pressed.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, staring at her with his arms folded across his chest. He’d always known that she was smart – but could she possibly know the truth?

And if she did, what would he do about that?

“Money laundering is a federal charge – a very difficult one to get out of. It does not simply go away, unless you’ve made a deal with the government of some kind. Or joined the French Foreign Legion,” she offhandedly said, studying him from the corner of her eye. “After all, if you successfully complete their program, they will wipe your record clear and grant you citizenship in France. Somehow, I can’t see you doing joining the Legion. Of course, back in school, I studied them and interviewed a few Legionnaires. I know what they go through and can see that it would actually be a valid reason for the extreme change in your personality. Still, that isn’t something I see you doing – especially given your aversion to following orders. They aren’t fond of anyone who steps out of line, corporal punishment and ritual hazing is the norm for them.”

“Perhaps that is where I developed such an aversion,” he suggested, watching her think it over before she shook her head. “Oh, come now, you honestly don’t think I could have joined the ranks of that fabled league?”

Biting her lip, she pondered the question. This time, taking more than a few seconds to make up her mind about it, “You lack the air of a Legionnaire – and you must remember that I personally met them while working on this project. There were no phone calls, I wanted to talk to them face to face. I still call them up and have dinner with them – I even attended a few of their celebrations. I must admit, I felt rather at home among the austere celebrations, it was like old time on the Island.”

Jerry was shocked. This was not something he expected – and none of his research had told him about this side of her life. There really was more to her than met the eye – and he’d better get used to startling revelations if he was going to stay with her.

He had a feeling that there were going to be more than a few more surprises like this coming up. “Do I even want to know how you met such disreputable beings?”

“Probably not,” she casually replied. “I will say this, they aren’t bad once you get past their formidable reputations – both good and bad. The reputation they have as a formidable fighting force is well deserved – as is their absolute conviction about never retreating even if there is only one man left standing.”

“And here I thought that your taste for bad boys was formed because of your father’s reputation and behavior,” he teased.

She glared. “Don’t even go there until you’ve heard the truth as I know it, not as Helena has spoken it to be.”

Knowing he’d struck a nerve, he thought it best to change the subject. For the moment at least, there was something about her look that said no one knew the truth about Mikkos – and she did. It wasn’t something he wanted to talk about anyway. “Well, if the Legion is out, where do I fall? In the ranks of the spy or a mercenary, out for whatever take I can get? Then again, do you see me as the James Bond type, chasing danger and women wherever I can?”

“I’m not sure,” she tapped her cheek. “I believed you when you say you’re not doing this for a faster car or a better home. If you really wanted that, you’d be doing business with Jax. You do have the presence of those in the WSB, the INS, and, my favorite, the Black Special Ops Forces have – I know that you love danger. If I had to place you anywhere, it’d be among the ranks of a counter-agent, using your dual citizenship to be a part of the MI organization, hidden within the more questionable areas of the agency. Not MI5, they are rather high profile. The only thing I can’t figure out is why they would want you to stay here. No matter what mobs gather here, Port Charles hardly registers as a threat that would garner the attention of British Intelligence.”

“Are you supposed to know about these divisions?” he asked, trying to divert her attention. It had never occurred to him that she had in depth knowledge of the agency and wanted to get off the subject. Even with the broadcasting of the show set in MI5, he’d rarely met anyone who’d heard about the Organization within the Organization. Those that talked about the other branches, were quickly silenced. Her Cassadine name couldn’t offer that much protection, could it?

“I have friends in high and very odd places. It comes with being a Cassadine,” she admitted with a sheepish shrug. “I know these things.”

Jerry was silent, staring at her. Eyes locked on each other, they engaged in a battle of wills, one he wasn’t completely sure he wanted to win. He realized that she wouldn’t press for the truth. She knew that if any of what she suspected was true, she’d be in even greater danger than she already was.

And therein lay her safety. As long as she didn’t really know anything of consequence, he could keep her safe. If her theories were confirmed, then the threat changed from external to internal. His own people would not trust her to keep quiet – Cassadine or not.

Wouldn’t they? Just how far did the power of the Cassadine family reach? It was a question he had never been able to ask, fearing the answer would prove to be something he couldn’t handle. He was well aware of the reputation of her family. They were renowned for being old power and wealth, criminally minded geniuses and true philanthropists, a strange combination that. Yet, he had to ask it now that he was entangled with a Cassadine – and one who obviously knew what that name meant and what privileges it gave her in this world – he should open his eyes and find out just what he was getting into.

Perhaps instead of being the dangerous one in this relationship, the true danger came from the woman before him – and not just because she was causing him to risk everything for her.

“And if any of these things proved true? Would it change the way you feel about us?” he asked, obliquely telling her that one of her theories was true. It was the closest he could come to answering her without putting the both of them in any more danger. The fact that he’d fallen for her had already put him at risk.

“I’m not sure,” she repeated. By silent and tentative consent, they had agreed to drop the subject of his probable work. It would only cause further problems for them – and she could only lie to herself if she only suspected some things about him. If it was confirmed, she wasn’t sure she could continue to pretend that he was merely a bad boy. She already worried about him far to much. “All I know is that I want to be with you – even against my best advice and the advice of every single person in this town – and I just don’t know how to.”

“Well, how can I help you overcome that problem?” his question was soft, almost desperately despairing for he didn't think he could fight the whole town if she listened to them over him. Well, fight them in any honest way and still retain her good will. He could fight dirty – but she’d never be able to look at him again if he won her using such tactics. It was one thing to do it while he worked. Another if he used those methods in his personal life.

“Teach me how to be with you, Jerry,” she hastily added, “Without going to extremes. I don’t want to be having sex in public places with you. The last thing I need is for my girls to see that.”

“Oh, but I was thinking about the police station for our next venture. You do spend an awful lot of time there, doing your job,” he teased. He could have resisted, but what would have been the point? Kissing her in the interrogation room had been quite a turn-on, knowing that just outside the door, the whole station worked, and knew – or suspected – what was going on behind that closed door. It was something he wanted to try again – but didn’t think she’d go for, she was more dignified than he was.

His expression quickly sobered at that thought. As much as he adored teasing her, he wanted her to be at ease with the idea that they had a future together – because he fully intended to have one with her, “Alexis, whatever happens, I would never do anything that you were truly uncomfortable with. I do apologize for pushing you into a corner at the PCPD that day – but you gave me no choice in the matter. I want to be with you – and I want everyone to know about it.”

“Only because you want to take advantage of my position as DA if you get into trouble,” she cynically remarked, recalling Nikolas’ words. The words rang with a certain truth even in light of his admission.

“Darling, if you would care to recall, I wanted you before you became DA. I wanted you even before the piers fell into Lansing’s hands,” he chidingly reminded her. “If you really think that’s all you think I want you for, then quit and see if I leave you alone. Or tell the police and whoever to hand any cases involving me over to your capable Assistant District Attorney. In fact, I suggest you do that anyway – relieve the mind of you nephew because I’m sure he’s the one who put that idea into your head. I want you for you, there’s nothing sinister behind it.”

“Perhaps,” her words came slowly, shaking her head, “Or perhaps I’ve become even more valuable to you now that I’ve given into you. You could get me to overlook anything you do, have me give you carte blanche to do whatever you want, and I wouldn’t be able to stop you because that would leave me and my kids open to attack from the Zacchara family.”

“You really don’t believe that we could have a happy ending, do you?” his laugh sounded depressed. “Stop being so negative and wasting what we share together, Alexis. I cannot believe that even you could remain so bitter and cynical about us after you’ve given me your trust. While I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe from Zacchara and his ilk, I will never let that side of me come into our lives. You and your children are safe with me.”

“Trusting you to take care of any threats is easy, Jerry. Trusting you to not hurt me is another,” she quietly said. “May be I am punishing you for Ric’s crimes but the fact remains that there is much that you cannot tell me and all we seem to share is an incredible passion for one another.”

“Don’t belittle passion, Alexis,” he said. “Nations have risen and have fallen upon the strength of people’s passions. People are swayed from one way of thinking to another if they are convinced by someone’s passions for their cause. It is no small thing to share an intense, physical attraction. Given enough of a chance to grow and strengthen, it can become much more than mere physical gratification. And I will do my best to keep you safe from all harm.”

“I know you would, Jerry – but are we safe from you?” she asked. This was the question she should have been asking all along. While she knew he’d keep them safe from the mobsters and whatever threats that were out there, it was the person he’d become that she should be afraid of. The man was willing to kill for her – had already shown himself capable of such ruthlessness – would he be the greater danger because of his need to protect her?

Or would he prove to be her salvation?

Jerry sensed a trap in this question but he wasn’t sure exactly what it was. The question sounded safe enough to be fully loaded with danger. And while he’d become an expert at evading danger, it was not something he liked to have continually thrown into his face, making him realize how ill suited he was to a normal life.

“Odd concept that, being safe with me but not being safe from me. One would think that they would go hand in hand,” he softly reflected. This time, he was the one who stared into the water, observing the depths thoughtfully as he tried to think of a satisfying answer to the question. Any weakness or doubt he showed, she would pounce on. She would try to turn it against him. So, he answered honestly, knowing that she’d tie herself into knots trying to figure out his angle before being satisfied with his answer.

He hated doing that to her, but he just didn’t know what else to do. He’d run out of any flippant yet truthful answers to her questions. “I could make you all the promises in the world about that, Alexis, but only you can decide the truth. No matter how many times I assure you that you will be safe, you don’t really believe me. I’m at a loss on what to say anymore. So, I leave it in your hands to make up your mind because I can’t take this choice away from you. I won’t do it.”

“Just when I think I’ve got you figured out, you go and do something like that,” she sighed, shaking her head. “Jerry Jacks, I have a feeling that sharing my life with you is going to have more ups and downs than a roller coaster.”

“Honestly, darling, would you have it any other way?” he asked, thrilling at her calm pronouncement of their life together. Their life ... he wondered if she even realized the significance of her own words, that she was slowly beginning to warm up to the idea that he was there – and that he wasn’t going to go anywhere.

His hand found its way around her waist, deciding it was time to leave this depressing local and seek out a warmer atmosphere. “Come on, I think it’s time to reintroduce me to your lovely daughters. Perhaps this introduction of me as your boyfriend – and that’s a word I never thought to use in relation to myself – will go over better than our other outings.”

Alexis groaned, closing her eyes. “I’m never going to live that down, am I?”

“I highly doubt it,” he guided her along, “But it wasn’t a total waste. I thoroughly enjoyed it – and it certainly stopped Detective Harper’s strange stalking of you cold.”

“Detective Harper? What are you talking about? He wasn’t stalking me,” she protested, feeling them slipping into a more comfortable ... couple kind of mode. It was very weird how natural a progression it felt ... and totally right for them. Which should have terrified her but it did not, perhaps because of calm acceptance and actual desire for this – something that hadn’t happened to her in years.

“Then why was he at your office so quickly after Jax and I had begun our altercation? I know that you didn’t call because you’ve seen Jax and I work things out before. You knew that we’d be fine. There wasn’t enough time for your secretary to do so. After all, we know how little she values your privacy,” he slyly reminded her, though it was hardly necessary. “Everyone walks into your office without so much as an announcement. So, it couldn’t have been her. And a detective wouldn’t be bringing you mere paperwork or serving as a personal body guard, darling. So, why was he there?”

Alexis stopped walking, looking at him, an expression of amused disbelief in her eyes. “Jerry, I only have room for one stalker – you.”

“I hardly think I qualify as your stalker. You are far to willing to have me around,” he protested, noticing some of the looks he was garnering as they stood there.

Strangely enough, she seemed rather oblivious to them all – especially when a certain pair rounded the corner. It took strength he didn't think he had in reserve to keep the gloating expression from his face as he saw Sonny slow down upon seeing them, staring, dumbfounded at the ease with which they stood there, openly admitting their new status for all the world to see.

And the only reason he didn’t give into the childish feeling was because of Alexis. There was no way he’d allow their relationship to give Sonny any reason to try to win full custody of Kristina. He meant what he said, he would never want to be the reason she lost her daughter – either of them. While Lansing despised him, he couldn’t do a thing. As long as he worked for Zacchara, he didn’t have the moral high ground any longer, not that he ever did in Jerry’s mind.

Sonny, on the other hand, was another matter.

Having left the mob – figuratively speaking – his footing was more secured, more moral. Though it pained him to have to admit this, he’d have to talk to him and assure him of his intentions towards Alexis. He may even have to let him know what was really going on in the Zacchara camp – perhaps that might make him judge her words towards him at the Haunted Star a few days ago a little less harshly.

Then again, knowing Sonny’s temperament and his defensive attitude towards anyone who insulted him, he doubted it but it was worth a try.

Of course, it could also make him go after the Zacchara family himself ... On second thought, telling him might make things worse for them all. He’d have to think about his next move carefully because while he wanted Sonny to back off, to not threaten Alexis, he did not want him to be out of the loop. The danger that Zacchara presented was real, no matter how many times the Lansing men denied it.

Besides, he figured that if he didn’t tell him, Ric might. Then where would they all be? Jerry recognized the restiveness in Sonny and feared what it meant for them. The man needed another outlet, similar to the one he knew, but less risky.

She ignored his words, realizing the truth in them all to well. After giving into their fiery passion, what was the point in lying any longer? The whole town had probably been taking bets on how long it would take her to fall into his bed anyway. When had her love life become public property anyway? Was it because she was the DA? Or was it because she was the mother of Sonny’s daughter, not to mention Ric’s? It was a wonder no one was asking about who the father of Sam was.

“Detective Harper was probably there with news of Luke’s whereabouts and forgot to tell me upon hearing the fight. He’s overzealous when doing his job, yes,” she admitted it, knowing that Jerry had already seen the way the man had worked. “But he’s not focused on protecting me the way you suggest.”

“I highly doubt that, darling,” he said, moving them forward again, wanting to avoid the temptation. “No man is that dedicated to duty unless he wants to impress a woman. And the only woman I’ve ever seen him focus on is you.”

Alexis looked at him, a thought entering her mind, “You can’t be serious. Are you jealous?” The question was spoken on a breath of doubtful disbelief. She’d known that he was jealous of Ric and any lingering feelings that she might have for her ex, but why would he be worried about a boy like Harper?

“Is there any reason I should be?” he asked, almost willing to admit to the truth. Yes, if bothered him that this detective seemed to be watching over Alexis in ways that he could not. He admitted that he was worried. After all, most of the residents in Port Charles were not what they seemed. And while Harper may be a mere boy in Alexis’ mind, he could be seen with her without anyone questioning her. Harper was openly on the right side of the law, while he was not.

“No,” she scoffed, her hand slowly sliding into his own, linking them together. “When I’m in a relationship, I’m a one man woman. And, unfortunately for me, you seem to be that man.”

Jerry couldn’t help it, he laughed. “One of these days, darling, you’re going to admit that you want this – want me – without flinching, panicking, or having an allergy attack. Then what are you going to do?”

“Find a new way to panic over you,” she replied, face calm.

“You’re absolutely priceless, Alexis,” he said, “Absolutely priceless.”

“But I’m more than worth it,” she reminded him.

The End.

Author’s Note #2: The Harper thing – it bothered me that they never explained why he was there – with TWO officers in tow no less – when Jerry and Jax had their fight. (If they did, I missed it. As a detective, I don’t think he would have been assigned body guard duty.)